


Shadows Come With The Pain That You're Running From (Love Was Something You've Never Heard Enough)

by hlftanna



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alpha Harry, Alpha Liam, Alpha Louis, Alpha Zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Louis Tomlinson Calls Harry Styles Pet Names, M/M, Mating, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mutual Pining, Omega Harry, Omega Niall, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Pining, Scent Marking, Scenting, Secrets, Slow Burn, Smut, loads of crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:06:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 51,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24325498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hlftanna/pseuds/hlftanna
Summary: “Thanks, Ni, I guess I needed to hear that,” Harry sighed and wrapped his own arms around Niall and squeezed him tightly not caring if Liam would be mad. He missed Niall so much.“Does it really come as a surprise to you that I’m right? Shaking my head, Haz. You should know me better,” the brunette teased.Harry giggled again.“You know Hazza, you really are so different to all the other alphas out there. You’re soft, caring, cuddly and sweet and those damn dimples. So freaking pretty, it’s almost annoying. I would hate you if you weren’t my best friend. You’d really be a brilliant omega. Nature really did a number here,” Niall mumbled. It was his turn to smash his nose into Harry’s neck and Harry was extremely thankful for that because he wasn’t sure he had his facial expression in check at all.Or a Band AU in which Harry isn't allowed to be who he really is and the North American Tour might bring some unexpected truths into the web of lies and also a bit of heat that has very little to do with the summer in the US.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Liam Payne
Comments: 79
Kudos: 561
Collections: 1D A/B/O Fic Fest





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 1daboficfest :)
> 
> The prompt I got was: 85 - Everyone in the world thinks Harry is an alpha, including Louis. He masks his scent with fake pheromones. One night, Louis happens to be in his hotel room when Harry goes into heat.
> 
> ○○○
> 
> This was my first fic for a fic fest and it was so much fun getting a prompt and creating something out of it - or in my case running with it. I anticipated this to be around 15k words but as you can see I kind of lost it a bit. 
> 
> My dramatic streak has alos come out to play and I hope you like what I made out of your prompt! :)  
> (Also this was my first time writing smut, so please don't expect too much)
> 
> Enjoy xx
> 
> ○○○
> 
> Title is obviously from the best song in the world: One Direction - Where Do Broken Hearts Go
> 
> ○○○
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own any of the characters in this except for the original ones. However, I do own all mistakes that might still be in there. :)

_April 2016_

„And we’re back with the one and only One Direction!”, the fake over enthusiastic voice of the even faker blond interviewer rang unpleasantly high pitched through the studio – as it had been doing for the past 30 minutes.

Harry sighed internally, he was so over this interview and they still had one segment and a performance to go through. He was exhausted from the stretch of promo they had been going through over the past four weeks and by now he was just ready to get on the road and not see fake smiles and answer to the same two hundred boring or invasive questions over and over again. He was ready to see the fans, feel the love, the happiness and perform the new album – which was finally, completely _theirs_. But since management was still in the picture – sad, he knew – they still had to go through promo, promo and oh yes promo, especially after the past year and the uncertainty that came with Zayn’s departure and the rumours that almost crushed the whole band (and the pack but Harry did not want to think about this. Couldn’t if he didn’t want to start sobbing right then and there).

Before the 22 year-old could fall even deeper into his thoughts, which kept happening more and more lately, he was brought back by a harsh elbow to his ribs.

He startled and looked up to the source of the pain and saw Liam looking expectantly at him.

“Sorry, uhm what?”, Harry stuttered, feeling himself flush beneath the thousand pounds of make-up which were always put on him, to hide exactly blushes like this so they would not be seen by anyone ( _because alphas do not blush, duh_ ).

“You were asked a question, _pal_ ,” Liam said with an unhappy smile that showed Harry exactly how annoyed Liam was with him. Again.

“I’m, uhm,” Harry cleared his throat, filled with an uneasy feeling, “Sorry, haha I must have missed that could you repeat that, please?”, he asked politely and made himself sit straighter on the small sofa.

_At least look like a fucking alpha if you can’t even sound like one._

The interviewer sent him a sugary sweet smile – the same one she had been giving him ever since they stepped in the studio. Her scent enhancing perfume was doubling the punch of her unpleasantly sweet raspberry scent. Harry hated raspberry.

The omega was clearly flirting with him and paired with her invasive questions, he was done with that like three days ago.

“Of course, I can repeat that , honey. I wanted to know what you’re looking forward to the most on this up-coming tour?”, she asked him with a flutter of her eyelashes.

_The only pair of eyelashes that could get a reaction out of him belonged to light ocean blue eyes that sometimes shimmered green and sometimes grey. But nice try, lady._

“Oh! Definitely interacting with fans and give them two hours of my love! I miss this feeling of making them happy the most and I’m excited to have it back. Also getting to perform Made in the AM is going to be really special because this album feels like it’s the most _us_. We put so much of our heart and soul in this one and I can’t wait to share the songs with our lovely fans and have a fun little dance along with them,” Harry answered with a soft voice and the first genuine smile of the day.

The audience awed at his answer and the other boys chuckled fondly while the interviewer practically bared her neck (which ew no). And Harry was pleased to have done something right at least.

“That is very sweet, Harry. And I bet the fans can’t wait either!”

She asked the other boys the same thing and Harry was hopeful this had to be the last question before they moved on to the performance. At least showing off the new song would be fun.

When the studio calmed down again, the interviewer turned back to the band.

“And before we hear some new music, I just have one last question-,” she said with a very telling smirk.

_And here it comes,_ Harry sighed inwardly.

“- how’s the love life going? Any news your fans _need_ to know? We all know our little lovebirds Liam and Niall are happily committed but what about our two single alphas over here,” she focused on Louis and Harry on both ends of the couple sitting in the middle.

_Of course, they couldn’t have one interview without that bloody question._ Harry was so over it honestly.

Niall just giggled happily and cuddled into Liam’s neck who had already had a protective arm around his omega’s shoulder. The interviewer ignored them completely and waited for the answer of the alphas.

Harry stayed silent and hoped Louis would just take on this one. He hated nothing more than the mating questions. Even though he had a standard answer and his posture was the picture perfect media trained star, they were never happy with his performance.

“I’m single,” Louis just said with an easy smile but nothing more and Harry’s hope was wiped. It was on him. Again.

Just as he was expecting, the omega didn’t even react to Louis and turned to him immediately with a sultry look to her eyes. Harry shivered.

“And what about you Harry? The omegas must queue up for you and not only before a show,” she laughed with an ugly high pitched note to her voice and Harry wanted to gag.

But he couldn’t let anyone see his real feelings, so he quietly cleared his throat and got ready to say his little script.

“Uhm, yeah right now I’m single but I had a few dates here and there,” he mumbled uncomfortably, “but I don’t want to settle right now. If my omega comes around, I will know but for now dating is just fun,” he finished with a fake smile that certainly did not reach his eyes, but the interviewer and audience obviously didn’t see and didn’t care.

The boys wolf whistled with sarcastic smiles and the interviewer’s smirk just got more invasive.

“Oh lala,” Niall giggled, and Liam and Louis played it up with a “Get it!”, which the audience definitely ate up. All omegas in the studio preened and looked a second away from showing off their necks. Harry wanted to leave.

“Hear, hear, ladies you all have open chances here! But for now, we have to postpone Harry’s speed dating because we’re running out of time,” the omega said with a fake frown, “but before we say good bye, here’s a special treat for us! Live and exclusive the very first performance of the brand new single “Infinity”! This is One Direction!”

As soon as the omega ended her sentence, Harry was off the sofa and hurried over to the tiny stage in need of space. The other boys followed a minute later and without any more comments the music started and the first official performance before the tour kicked off was happening.

○○○

_Two weeks later_

Harry was pulled to consciousness when his alarm started ringing at 7am sharp. He groaned and slowly opened his eyes while trying to locate his phone on his nightstand to silence the annoying sound.

As soon as he was fully awake, he realised what day was and his smile was the first real one in weeks.

Today tour finally kicked off! Promo was officially done except for the odd pre-show interview and he was finally able to do the thing he loved most. Performing.

The curly-haired boy was elated. It’s been months since they were on tour and he was so excited to be back. He jumped out of bed and almost stumbled over his suitcases which he had packed the night before. He sighed to himself, glad no one was around to witness that.

When he steadied himself again, he walked into his bathroom and started getting ready. After using the loo and brushing his teeth, he opened the small drawer under the sink and pulled out a little blue bottle. When this was done, he jumped in the shower and scrubbed himself thoroughly with a special kind of soap that would hide his natural scent. After drying himself off and putting on some comfy clothes, he walked over and grabbed his body spray spraying himself in a healthy dose. To finish off, he pulled his hair into a bun because his curls would only be in his way until showtime. They still had to pack the busses and cars and get ready for the road before soundcheck and he didn’t want to risk getting too sweaty to avoid releasing more of his scent unwillingly.

When he was done, he sniffed himself, happy to notice he just smelled like his laundry detergent and the freshness of the body spray. He didn’t smell like anything else and this was exactly what he wanted.

In this moment, his phone pinged with an incoming text.

**Liam [7:38am]**

**Where are you?? We’re waiting! Thought I made it clear we would meet up at 7:30!! Pls don’t tell me u are with an O and forgot again…**

Harry’s good mood immediately dropped. This tone of the other boys was nothing new and he still couldn’t deal with it. He also cringed at the last part of the message. The 22-year old still had no idea when the others started to believe the lies management and media spread because none of it was true and he didn’t even date. He hasn’t dated since the band started and in the beginning the boys stood behind him and had his back but in the past year everything changed. The others suddenly thought of Harry as the alpha that bedded every omega that wasn’t taken. And again, Harry hated it. It just couldn’t be further from the truth.

Because well…

Harry’s heart was only focused on one person. And this for almost six years by now. His heart got stolen by a certain blue-eyed alpha with curves to die for in a toilet somewhere in Manchester when he lost all of his countenance and basically pissed on him. Harry still wished pissing were an appropriate way of claiming someone. But unfortunately, it wasn’t. And Louis never ever showed any interest in him anyway. AA relationships still weren’t the norm and people didn’t like to see these mixes unless you were part of a triad and still had an omega with you. You know, to secure reproduction and all that jazz.

Of course, there were a lot of people who dated others with the same secondary gender but it was just not something people in the public eye did. If it happened, it was just another good scandal for the gossip rags. Not for the first time Harry wished they had met in another universe where they weren’t international popstars in a boyband that had to maintain a perfect image.

The public ate up the current image of One Direction and management was so pleased with it. Even with Zayn leaving they still were picture perfect to the world. They had a couple that was in love for five years now and came out with their mating in 2014 which made everyone swoon with how cute they were. And yes, Harry agreed Liam and Niall were the most adorable couple in the world and they just fit together perfectly. And yes, he was happy for them, but it still made his own image so much harder. Because one mated couple in a boyband was more than enough and therefore, the remaining members had to be available and ready to mingle. With one less alpha in the game, the weight on Harry’s shoulders just doubled.

Louis loved his freedom and being able to date if he wanted but Harry despised it. He had always been shown as the womaniser and omega catch of the group, but it was so, so far from the truth Harry sometimes forgot himself how untrue it was.

Not only having to deal with the heartache of not having Louis and seeing the love of his life flirt with omegas and being the happiest single in the world but also being seen as this emotionally unavailable alpha was rough. When Zayn was still with them, he could hide from time to time but since March last year it just gotten worse and worse.

During their break after OTRA, he had to be out and about 90% of the time and be seen with several omegas a week. He had a literal quota to meet and if he didn’t, management called him in for even more meetings.

Where the other boys had a break and could go see their families and just recharge their batteries, he had to stay in LA and be the picture perfect macho alpha that loved being young, hot, and wanted.

He not only didn’t get the chance to have a vacation, but he also lost more and more touch with the others. All of them stayed in the UK for the full five months break, due to them not having to make a new album because they would tour MITAM. And with them losing touch, he wasn’t able to tell them the new lies management would present to the world. Meaning they just randomly started to believe everything the bosses fed the world. Harry honestly didn’t know what happened and why they suddenly thought these leeches in suits were right, but well, it hurt.

So since then, the whole dynamic in the band had changed. Obviously after Zayn’s departure they all were sad and shocked and had to rearrange everything they knew from the past five years. Harry stupidly thought they all would become closer and fight the pain together and in the beginning it was exactly like that. They were constantly reassuring each other and showed more love and affection to compensate for the now missing spot in all of their hearts. Especially Niall needed more attention because he as the band omega was just in need of more emotional support. It seemed to get better over summer but then tour ended and the break happened and suddenly everything was wrong again.

Harry got the order to distance himself, so media’s focus was even more on him and he was talked into it by Simon promising he would leave the others alone and give them the peace and quiet they deserved to be with their loved ones. And Simon knew exactly Harry would do anything to make this possible for his boys. He may have been the youngest but he was just as protective as Louis or Liam. His protectiveness may come from another place than the alphas’ did but no one had to know this. He was willing to do a lot to secure Niall and Liam’s privacy and their down time as well as Louis’ possibility of being with his mum and the little ones. He was used to giving himself in order to get them freedom. In what range exactly this was happening no one but Harry and the big bosses knew. And it had to stay this way.

If Harry was honest, this was probably the reason why the boys turned against him more and more. It definitely was an easier reason to explain all of it to himself than him just not being loved by the boys in general anymore.

_Stop lying to yourself, of course it is because of you. You are just not enough for them. Not a good alpha. Not a good band member. Not a good friend. No wonder the other alphas don’t show any interest in you. Even if they knew, they would leave you alone,_ the ugly voice in his head whispered. Harry’s nose suddenly tickled and he realised he was tearing up.

“Fucking hell. Get it together, Styles,” he mumbled to himself.

The 22-year old had been trying to keep these thoughts down as much as he could but especially in the morning when the pills haven’t released their full effect it was hard to silence his inner voice.

Anyway, fact was their relationship changed a lot and even though Harry was really excited to see the fans again, he was worried what tour would bring when the others were this easily pissed off by him. It was just a few minutes past their meeting time and yet Liam was already at his throat again. The younger boy was treading meeting them already.

In general, Harry had stopped hanging out around the others to avoid getting yelled at every given moment and also to not hear all of the comments they have been making regarding his “dating life”. You may think he would stand up for himself especially when it came to his friends he has known for six years now, but he just wasn’t like this…

In fact, he hasn’t seen much of the boys after the last interview ended two weeks ago, pretty distressed and hurt after the interviewer was so rude and invasive and the others just had a cat call in store for him. They obviously met up for rehearsals and fittings but Harry arrived just in time for everything to start and left immediately after they were done. The less time he spent with them, the less time he had to annoy or upset them.

He missed the closeness and the contact and it _hurt_ but he just started taking two pills and he started looking for some soothers and he was good to go. Harry also knew that tour would give him more contact anyway because he had to be with them for at least rehearsals, warm-up, and of course the actual show. And they would be travelling in their tour bus for a good part of the tour. Tour bus was good and bad in both parts in this regard. He got the contact but hiding became just harder.

“Well, you don’t have to hide as much if they don’t pay attention to you anyway,” Harry smiled sadly to himself while looking in the mirror.

He suddenly heard a shrill ring and realised he was getting a call. He looked down at the phone, he was still holding in his hand while he had fallen deep into thoughts.

It was Liam. Oh no.

“Hello?”

_“You better tell me you are a ready. Honestly, Harry, what the fuck is going on with you?? You’ve been late for weeks now and you even have the audacity to not be here on time ON TOUR KICK OFF??”,_ Liam hissed into the phone.

“I-I’m sorry, Li. I’m ready. Sorry, I forgot time, I’ll be there soon!”, Harry mumbled in apology.

_“Do you ever listen to us? We told you, someone would pick you up. And since you’re late, we all came to get you. So, get your ass down. Niall is getting antsy and I’m not having him being unsettled because you just can’t follow the schedule. Jesus, what happened with you?”,_ Liam said with alpha rage in his voice, _“Come down, now!”,_ and with that he hung up.

For that Harry was glad because he could barely hold in his whimper. This was a bloody alpha command and damn it, this was too much. The younger boy squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe slowly. He rushed over to his bathroom and took out the blue bottle again and popped another pill. He immediately felt calmer and the shivers stopped.

After getting his shit together, he rushed to grab his things and sprayed himself with another dose of his body spray, before locking his door and rushing down the stairs and to the gate that secured his house. He locked the gate as well and was greeted by their driver and Paul who both looked unimpressed at him.

“Good morning, hi I’m sorry. I hope it’s not too much trouble I caused,” Harry said with a blush he couldn’t supress.

Paul immediately softened and walked over to hug Harry quickly. The alpha touch soothed him in an instant. _Thank god for Paul knowing._

“No worries, H. But the boys are kinda not happy,” Paul sighed. He always tried to keep the others calm but it worked less and less.

“It’s fine, Paul. My fault anyway, I just really lost track of time.”

“They’ll get over it. Just show them your dimples.” At that Harry giggled. Paul always knew what to say to him, “You got your stuff?”, he continued.

Harry just nodded and put a hand over his neck self-consciously.

“Don’t worry, I didn’t ask because I could smell it. I asked because management is anxious for you to be back with the others after months of being away –“ “And they think I’ll fuck it up,” Harry interrupted. Paul’s helpless shrug was confirmation enough.

“I’ve been doing that shit for six years, nothing ever happened. What makes them think I will suddenly go against it this time,” Harry rolled his eyes.

Before Paul could answer, one of the car’s windows was put down and Louis’ annoyed face came into view. “What’s taking you so long? Haven’t we been waiting long enough?”

“Oh yes, sorry, I’m ready let’s go,” Harry said and immediately got into the car.

The 22-year old sat down in the back on his own since Liam and Louis had Niall squished between them to give the omega as much comfort as he needed during the long and stressful ride through London. Omegas, and Niall especially, tended to get anxious pretty fast and stress paired with a small space and a moving vehicle were a recipe for disaster. Harry swallowed harshly. When will the damn soothers hit his system?

“Right boys, next stop Wembley. We should take around two hours,” a collective groan was heard through the car, “I know, I’m sorry but it’s a weekday and we’re an hour late by now. Lean back and maybe nap, god knows when you’ll be able to get sleep in the next few months,” Paul laughed.

Unfortunately, no one else seemed to think this was a good thing because the other three boys turned around and shot Harry annoyed looks. “Good job, Harry,” Liam grumbled before pulling Niall even more into his side. Harry knew it was better to not answer and just let them cool off. He desperately wanted a successful first show tonight and therefore he had to appease the others. Make yourself as invisible as possible and they would forget and maybe even be normal to him on stage. That’s why Harry put his headphones into his ears and put on some calming music and closed his eyes. Hoping it wouldn’t be this stressful and tense for the next 6 months of tour.

○○○

_Two months later – North American Tour_

As it turned out Harry was wrong. Very, very wrong.

It was even worse than he could have anticipated. And the worst thing was, he couldn’t do anything about it. Because he wasn’t allowed. And even if he could it was nothing outright obvious that went wrong. And he wasn’t going to run and cry about shit that would make the rest of the crew turn against him completely. It was more than enough that the boys seemed to be three seconds away from kicking him out of the band.

_Would probably be for the best. You wouldn’t annoy them anymore and they were finally free of your stupid, needy ass. The world wouldn’t need to feel sorry for you and your pathetic performance, wouldn’t need to pretend they like what you do just because you’re a hot shot single alpha with millions of dollars. And Louis – well Louis could finally be the Alpha, find his mate and be happy;_ the distinct voice that has become more and more prominent in the past 8 weeks whispered viciously.

Harry sighed and ran his shaking hand over his face. It was the middle of the night, somewhere in North America. Harry didn’t even pretend to know where exactly they were, probably lost that particular knowledge during week three of tour when they were still in Europe – still close to home. But now they were on the other side of the world, in the US. Everyone believed Harry loved LA, but this was mainly part of his image. He preferred the comfort of England’s rain and London’s fog over sunny America and all of the fake glam anytime. _God knows I have enough insincerity to fill another lifetime._ No, Harry wouldn’t spend any time there if he had a choice and 9 times out of 10 it was just fabricated news to make it seem like he loved to live up the boyband lothario alpha in the sweaty night clubs of Hollywood. In reality, the curly haired boy spent maybe a week every three months there in which they filled up their photo bank to have new material for “papwalks” and then he just stayed with James and his wife to have at least some semblance of home, comfort and love due to their everlasting British accents and the friendship they still kept intact even though Harry hasn’t been on Louis’ good side for the better part of 18 months now. Harry was forever thankful for James’ simple and loving character and for him to not ask any questions. He just started to love Louis and Harry separately. James was definitely the dealbreaker for Harry to drag himself over the pond. So, in conclusion, no, Harry did not live more in LA than London, and no, he certainly did not love America more than the UK – no matter how much management wanted him to do just that.

Therefore, he cared even less about their current whereabouts. Fact was, it was the middle of the night, somewhere in America, and Harry was wide awake due to at least 34 different reasons and he couldn’t even begin to think about working through them. There was a very good possibility of his pheromones going haywire when he explored his problems right now. And this could not happen. The four of them had rooms on different levels in every hotel for safety reasons but anxiety, distress and sadness were extremely powerful scents that permeated the air like nothing else. Yeah, bad idea. Very bad idea.

So, Harry tried his hardest to steer away from everything that kept him awake and worked on calming down his breathe to at least get a semi nap in before they had to be up and running in a few hours. Stadium tours were challenging at all times, but the added American summer made the exhaustion so much worse. And with all the things Harry had been fucking up lately, he desperately needed at least a bit of energy to mask his real emotions and be able to pull off the alpha in front of tens of thousands of people for the umptieth time since April. Even worse was that his medication had worse side effects when he was overtired. Usually the effects were pretty manageable and Harry was used to them for years now. Typically, he just had to deal with some restlessness and a bit of pain in his chest and stomach. Nothing he could not mask up and pretend it wasn’t there. But when he was exhausted the pills just hit differently. His mood swings, who should actually be masked completely, came through from time to time, he had trouble focusing and got heart palpitations now and then. Harry was a pro at hiding these symptoms as well but it was definitely harder to smile and prance around on stage when he felt like his heart was a minute away from exploding or just standing still completely.

If Harry was 100% honest with himself, and he usually never was, he hated the medication more than anything else. He could live with the boys’ hostility (as long as he got to see them from time to time and get a bit of their comforting, familiar scents), he could live with the fact that his biology was fucked up for life, he could live with the hatred and the fake image he had to make seem real for 6 years now and he could live with the fact that the love of his life hated him and would never even consider him as a mate, but he _hated_ living with these pills. By now he had to take 5 different pills every single day and management was thinking of changing up his therapy plan again because in their opinion the effects were getting weaker due to Harry taking these particular ones for two years now. The younger boy silently agreed because yes he felt it too, but he knew what happened when they changed everything and he was not ready for these symptoms.

The curly-haired man sighed and rubbed his hurting eyes, that were dry as the desert from the lack of sleep and wished again to just fall asleep. He turned his head to the left and looked at the hotel’s generic alarm clock.

_4.39 am._

He had to be up in an hour and a half since they had to do some interviews and after that they were scheduled for writing sessions and brainstorming before it was time for soundcheck, meet and greet and the next show.

Harry was looking forward to the writing session because song writing was the only outlet he had for his real feelings and since he was writing for a pop boyband no one bat an eyelid when he wrote about unrequited feelings and his _deepest love_. He also got away with some soft (and loud) references to the love between and omega and an alpha and if that alpha always had blue eyes and thin, slightly red lips with a love for tattoos – no one had to know.

Giving up on sleep, knowing it wouldn’t come that night anyway, Harry got up and decided to get a head start on some lyrics to have something to present to the others, eager to please the alphas and bask in a little bit of their appreciation. He walked over to his old messenger bag and opened up the battered buckles – this bag had really seen better days but it was a Christmas gift from Louis in 2011 when they were still best friends and Louis loved him. Harry smiled sadly to himself; he just couldn’t part with it. He would own it to the day it just crumbled to dust. While looking for his journal he absentmindedly played with the remnants of the wristband from Jay’s wedding which was quite fittingly tied around the ring that held the handle of the bag. Another relict from better and more cherished times in Harry’s life and another proof of the boys actually seeing him as part of the pack rather than a nuisance and intruder into their family.

When he finally found his old leather journal (this time a present from Niall and Liam which was also dear to his heart) he got up and slowly walked over to the little balcony and opened the doors. Since it was summer the nights were just perfect to sit outside, and Harry decided to see the good thing of his sleep deprivation and told himself he got to watch the sunrise at least. He sat down on the very comfy looking lounge chairs and wished he were home in his own garden sitting on his porch swing while overlooking his back yard and the little pond he got built. He missed his little goldfish and the fireflies that were lighting up the night so cutely. Harry shook his head. This constant loss of focus was getting to him. He should tell management or at least Paul but he wasn’t keen on getting another speech of manning up and just getting over it. _You’re not a weak fucking knot taking whore or are you, Styles?_ , Simon’s voice resounded in his head like a bloody advertisement on TV.

Yeah, no. He would get over this. It was just the heat (the temperature of course because alphas did not get heats – Harry snorted to himself) and the stress that was getting to him and if he could just get some decent lyrics done he would get some affection in the afternoon and his body could relax for a bit. Yes, that sounded like a fantastic plan. Maybe tonight’s show would be fun as well if he felt a little less like passing out any moment.

So, he sat down and opened his journal to the last song he was working on. It was a very dance-y and fun pop song with lyrics that only showed their real depth and emotion on the second or third glance. Exactly the kind of song Harry loved to write when he wasn’t just blatantly crooning about his love for Louis. He was almost done with the second verse but he felt like it was too heavy for the writing session later, he’d much rather show something happy and light to the boys in hope it would take something off the tension and weight that had overshadowed the backstage life lately.

That’s how Harry found himself drifting off into a world in which Louis actually loved him back, management didn’t exist, and Harry was _free_. He imagined dances in the middle of the night, kisses in the kitchen, laughter, light, and happiness. An endless stream of love and sunshine, flowers and affection, easy conversation, good communication and protection. His little pink, sparkly pen was rushing over the pages without him pausing to even take a look at the sunrise he had been so excited about.

His focus was broken by a harsh knock on the door and Harry needed a solid minute to figure out what was happening.

“Harry? You better be the fuck up and ready!! What’s taking you so long? If you are still asleep, I swear to god I-“, a distinct voice was yelling from his hotel room door and Harry swallowed harshly.

Did he really just got lost and it made himself late _again_??

God fucking damnit, he wanted to have a great day and by the sound of Louis’ annoyed voice this was already going south real fast _again_.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Harry whispered to himself and scrambled inside.

“Styles, are you awake? Open the fucking door, we have to leave in five minutes!”, Louis whisper yelled, at least he was conscious enough to not make it too obvious that they were having problems in case other hotel guests wanted to spill the beans.

“I’m awake, Lou. I’m right there!”, Harry answered with a slight tremor in his voice. He was so not ready to deal with Louis’ alpha voice especially with the raspy timbre it got whenever he was annoyed (or aroused – but that was none of Harry’s business. Sadly.).

The 22-year old was about to open the door when he stopped in his tracks, realising he hadn’t taken his medication and did _not_ use his scent neutralising spray yet, since he hasn’t gotten ready at all. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, this was bad._

“Harry? What the fuck?!”

“Gimme m-me a minute, I’m right there, just need the loo,” Harry called out to the door before rushing into his bathroom.

He just heard the exasperated, _“Jesus Christ,”_ before he reached his toiletry bag and pulled out his pill case and chugged the five small pills all at once while spraying himself in a healthy dose of the spray that would take away his natural scent because he most definitely did not have time to take a shower to wash off the scent that had accumulated during the night. Harry really didn’t have the strength to have the whole _Did you really bed another omega and be late?_ conversation when he already displeased Louis and he hadn’t even looked into his eyes today.

When he was literally drowning in the neutral scent, he got out his alpha spray which gave him a “natural, musky spice”. He brushed his teeth and his hair all while jumping around to fit into his skinnies and put on a soft grey v-neck that still smelled like home. All of this took maybe 2 minutes and he rushed back over to the door and flung it open.

In front of him stood a very unimpressed Louis with crossed arms and furrowed brows. “Took you long enough. Will you ever be on time?”, the older boy sighed.

Harry shrunk back inside. His pills have not kicked in yet and he was not only over tired but also still quite sensitive.

“Honest to god, I’m sorry, Lou. I was up hours ago but I had a song idea in my mind and I kinda lost track of time?”, the younger one mumbled in apology. He wished he could let out the whine he was desperately holding back right that second.

But to Harry’s surprise Louis actually softened at that and his lips relaxed from being in the straight irritated line for the first time in what seemed like forever? Harry didn’t know how that happened but he gladly took it. Wouldn’t be long anyway until they were back to normal.

“Oh yeah? Well, at least that’s a good reason for once,” he answered, and Harry’s stomach sank again. He wasn’t expecting affection right now but it would have been nice to hear some warm words along with the open look on his alpha’s face. But oh well, this was just wishful thinking.

_Take what the fuck they want to give you. They have to keep up with you every single day. You should be grateful for this_ – his inner voice declared.

Harry smiled weakly, “Yeah, I actually have a good feeling about the song!”, he immediately sprung into an explanation to hold Louis’ attention for a bit longer, “I really feel like it could fit into the next album, you know? Maybe I can show it to you and the boys later today?”, he shyly concluded. He didn’t even realise he was nowhere near behaving like the self-confident alpha he _should_ be.

“We’ll see about that,” the blue-eyed alpha gave back with a shrug before turning around and began to walk in the direction of the elevators.

Harry sighed and followed him. He shouldn’t have said anything and just left it at the apology. Now Louis was expecting a perfect song and if Harry didn’t deliver he would just be a disappointment again and his hopes of some affection and calming pheromones were out of the window. _Good job, idiot._

The curly-haired boy just hoped he could get through the interviews without a hitch and satisfy management, the interviewer, and the boys with his practiced and generic answers. He really didn’t have it in him to think of more intricate answers than the ones he had been given by the suits. At least not until he got about 2 litres of coffee in his system to boost the effect of the pills.

When they got to the lobby, he was met with the impassive faces of Liam and Niall and he wondered why they weren’t as annoyed as Louis was. To not set them off he just mumbled a low “Good morning” and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Waking up the display, he was surprised to see that it was 6am on the dot.

He wasn’t late?

But why was Louis so angry with him then?

Did the alpha come to get him purposefully early? But why would he do that? And why would he blame Harry for being late?

The youngest was confused to no end and with the lack of caffeine he just didn’t know what to make out of the situation.

_Maybe Lou wanted to spend some time with me?,_ he thought to himself.

_Ha, as if,_ the voice, that was still distinctly sounding like Cowell, was answering him, _he just wanted to have another go at you for your tardiness and lack of alphaness._

Before this inner dialogue could go on though, Paul came out of an elevator with a clipboard in his hands that undoubtedly held the boys’ schedule for the day.

“Ah, Good morning boys! Nice to see you all on time, this should be celebrated with some coffee on the go!”, the tour manager chuckled. The other three followed suit. It would be funny if Harry weren’t the reason for this joke most of the time.

“Coffee sounds fucking great!”, Niall yelled over enthusiastic which earned him a loving ruffle of his hair by his mate.

“Alright, then off we go!”, Paul said and nodded his head to the security guards which walked out first in case fans or paps were waiting for them.

In the car, Paul pulled out the clipboard again and cleared his throat, “So, about the schedule for today…” – and so another morning of falseness, lies and deception kicked into gear.

○○○

By the time lunch rolled around, Harry was exhausted. For some reason, the interviews were even more demanding and the interviewers even more nosy than usual and paired with the sleepless night he had, it was just verging on the edge of _too much_. Unfortunately, the interviews also had been running overtime which meant the boys wouldn’t be getting their lunchbreak and had to go basically straight into their song writing session in order to keep soundcheck and fittings on time. Harry’s head was pounding and he felt sick to his stomach. He also hadn’t said anything for the past 30 minutes including the last interview with possibly the worst interviewer Harry has encountered in his 6 years of being in the spotlight. This woman was positively horrible and if it hadn’t been a live interview, Harry was certain the omega would have mounted him right then and there. Just thinking about her looks and all the lip licking and _neck presenting_ made the bile rise in his throat. Why some omegas had to sell themselves so cheap and openly would be forever a mystery to him. Nevertheless, Harry wasn’t able to outright show his discomfort because this would make him look weak and uninterested in the omega species, and management could not have this happen. Not when tour was in full swing and the first rumours for the new single and possible new romances were on the way. They were notorious in their promo schemes and always came back to the ‘Harry dates mysterious blonde omega model that wants five minutes of fame’ plan which started all the way back in 2013 with Taylor Swift. But management soon realised she was far too famous and it didn’t bring the wanted results, so they stepped down several steps and ended with some model or another.

Harry felt awful for admitting that he forgot most of those names already, but there were just too many to keep track off and he banned literally any gossip rag from his home the minute Louis left him and moved out. Reading all of this bullshit _with_ your best friend over a bottle of white wine and some chocolate dipped strawberries was one thing (and was a regular night for them to just bath in each other’s affection even though they were two alphas – it was a night for giggles and fun and taking the piss out of management and the media) but on his own it was a whole different story. Alone, all of it just hurt and showed him the prize he was paying every single day in order to be part of this band. And more often than not, this was just too much. That’s why the rags had to go (but the wine stayed and it was Harry’s closest friend at times).

Anyways, point was the last interview was awful and Harry all but wanted to go back to the hotel, take a long hot shower to get rid of her overbearing scent thickening spray (yes this is a thing just as scent neutralisers and some omegas who can’t get enough of alpha attention tend to take this shit which by the way made everything even more dangerous for unmated omegas who couldn’t do anything about their natural scent being strong – and Harry had a fuck ton of opinions on this – but that’s another topic for another day) and take a nap.

When the boys were finally back in the car, Harry found himself sitting next to Niall with Liam and Louis opposite from them. This was very unusual lately because Liam always made sure Niall could be next to him to get some energy out of their bond during exhausting days like this, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. Niall’s soft cotton and freshly washed laundry scent was immediately calming Harry’s frazzled senses and pushed away the unpleasantly strong fake strawberry scent of the interviewer. Harry closed his eyes for a second and leaned over to his right where Niall was, discreetly taking in more of the omega’s soft and delicate pheromones. But before they could soothe him into a quiet state of mind, Liam was addressing him out of nowhere. Harry startled and opened his eyes, sitting back straight as an arrow. He was worried Liam saw his little gesture and felt threatened even though he should _know_ Harry was the littlest threat in the fucking world. The younger boy still shrunk away just as a precaution. His shoulder long hair already falling into his eyes to create a shield to hide his eyes.

However, instead of a scolding Liam was looking at him with a full on smirk and Harry eyed him warily.

“Have ya all seen how _bad_ that last interviewer had the hots for H?”, he snickered and Louis immediately jumped in with a loud “Oh yeah!”, while he slapped Liam’s shoulder in agreement. “I swear to God she was two seconds away from jumping him like there’s no tomorrow!”

“I think the whole fucking world saw this, Li! It was damn funny!”, Louis added.

“How is your knot feeling, Harry?”, Liam teased god naturally.

“Yeah, H, that was your chance for some fun and we could have gotten at least a quick lunch in”, Louis cackled.

Both of them had too much bloody fun with their alpha teasing. And Harry. Harry felt sicker than after that goddamn interview. He also had to desperately hold in the whimper that was this close to breaking through and ending every little fucking second of teasing because it would _end_ everything.

_Breathe you fucking moron, this is just some alpha teasing. Nothing you haven’t heard before. You know they always make fun of this. And this is good. This is_ normal _. They treat you like an alpha brother and this is exactly what you want. So fucking man up!_

“H, are you there?”, Louis asked with a raised eyebrow.

“He’s probably thinking about that girl’s legs in that dress. Right down our Harry’s alley, haha,” Liam said.

“Uhm-“, Harry started, but was interrupted by Niall who had been deadly silent ever since that particular discussion began.

“Can you both _shut up_ for once? Am I the only one who sees that Harry is clearly uncomfortable with discussing this right now? Or are you two just fucking knotheads on purpose? Leave him alone for once, will you? Maybe he liked her, maybe not. She was fucking overkill though and I totally see _why_ Hazza wouldn’t want that. And if you can’t see this, you seriously need to sit back and think again, because I’ve had enough and I bet so does Harry!”, the obviously upset omega scolded the older boys with a tight scowl to his usually soft blue eyes. Harry was completely shocked by this outburst and so where Niall’s mate and his best friend. Both of them stared at Niall open-mouthed and with a stunned expression, totally not used to him siding with the third alpha in the group. Niall usually loved teasing Harry because he was the only alpha he knew who blushed and got all shy and clumsy from time to time and he enjoyed it to no end. But not this time. This was probably one of the first times _ever_ Niall yelled at Louis and Liam for something they’d done regarding Harry – and no one knew how to react to that.

The curly haired boy was certain no one even spoke for the first three minutes after Niall’s rant stopped and the poor omega was breathing heavily from the sudden surge of energy – something none of them had anymore after two months non-stop on the road. And Harry certainly wouldn’t be the first one to break the silence even though he was a second away from jumping into the other boy’s lap and cuddle the shit out of him for standing up for him in what felt like the first time in years. Harry couldn’t believe this just happened and if he as alone right that second he would definitely have started bawling in gratitude right then and there because he didn’t have this feeling of his bandmates caring for him in so long and he was _craving_ it with all his might.

However, the older alphas didn’t seem to know how to respond to that either because Niall was usually the most easy-going, lovely, and soft-spoken out of them all and he almost never got angry with any of them, especially not _his_ alpha. But something snapped today and Harry would never admit how amazing the feeling of having someone on his side was. He was having a hard time not to start preening this very second. In order to hold in the happy whine, he decided to chance a glance at the still uncharacteristically quiet alphas across from him and Niall to see whether they have calmed down from their stunned shocks. Louis seemed to have ruled himself in again but he was, just as Harry, waiting for Liam to say something first. After all, he was Niall’s alpha and even though none of them were really traditional it was still an unspoken thing that the alpha had to react to their omega’s outburst and make clear how they were feeling about this. Sometimes old habits die hard, Harry mused.

Liam had finally closed his mouth again and swallowed hard, “Niall, honey, are you alright?”, the alpha asked with a frown because he really wasn’t used to this reaction from his mate. To other people sure but not himself and everyone in this car knew it.

“Yes, Liam I’m fucking peachy. I’m just fed up with all of this _tension_ and I don’t give a flying fuck about all of your alpha teasing and brotherly brawls and shit, I am _so_ over it and I just want some harmony back!”, Niall screeched clearly annoyed.

“Hey, hey, calm down babe, you know it’s just how we are,” Liam tried consoling him, “aren’t we Lou?”, he turned to his best friend needing some backing up from the other alpha.

“Oh yes, Ni. You know us, we really don’t mean it in a bad way and I’m sure Harry knows this too, don’t you?”, Louis and Liam focused on Harry again who was swallowing harshly and trying yet again to repress a whimper.

“Y-yeah sure, it’s fine,” he answered. _It was absolutely not fine, but he had to keep up the game after all._

“See, baby? This is just how we are,” Liam continued apparently totally believing Harry even though his tone was nowhere near believable and the younger alpha had a feeling Niall was seeing right through it according to the unimpressed snort he tried to hide behind a cough.

“This may be some alpha thing I still don’t get even after living with three others for years but can you at least try and make it more nice? Look, be as much alpha as you want, you fucking know I love it Liam, but just be a bit more kind and a bit less asshole about it or you won’t be getting this ass again anytime soon,” the brunette omega decided with a huff and immediately pulled off his seat-belt since the car had just came to a stop in that moment which admittedly made for a grand exit on the omega’s side.

“ _Niall!_ ”, Liam was screeching appalled and Louis couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore and erupted into another round of cackles.

“Oh shit, Li, he just wiped your ass!”, the oldest alpha laughed.

“Shut the fuck up, Lou,” Liam grumbled and exited the car as well undoubtedly to follow his mate and set some things straight with him.

Louis rolled his eyes fondly and mumbled, “Omegas,” while shaking his head with adoration for the fierce Irishman before jumping out of the escalade, effectively leaving Harry alone in the vehicle who was still trying to comprehend what had happened in the past ten minutes.

The 22-year old was incredibly confused. God, this day was so strange.

“Harry, everything alright?”, Paul closed the driver’s side of the second escalade he had just parked next to the one the youngest was still sitting in.

“Huh?”, Harry answered having lost focus yet again.

“You alright, love? You’re sitting here all on your own? Where are the others?”, the tour manager asked worried.

“Oh, uhm, they already went inside. Niall wasn’t feeling too well,” Harry mumbled.

“You don’t seem too well either, You’re awfully pale. Are your pills acting up again? Do you need some water or some of the daytime soothers?”, the alpha walked over to Harry and hold his hand out to help him out of the vehicle.

“No, no, I’m fine, honestly. You don’t have to drug me up,” Harry joked weakly.

Paul rolled his eyes fondly, “Whatever you say, big guy. But I’ll get you some more of that natural calming tea for tonight, alright? So, you’ll get a good night’s sleep in, yeah?”, he added.

Harry nodded gratefully, “That be awesome, thanks Paul. Could you make sure it’s the one with the lemon zest in it? The pure stuff is disgusting.”

“Sure thing, H. You ready to join the others for the writing session now?”, Paul said and closed the door behind Harry.

The younger boy nodded with a slight smile and followed the alpha through the parking garage into the hotel.

Paul escorted him to their floor and to Niall and Liam’s room which was their agreed meeting point for the writing session.

“Thanks, Paul. See you later,” Harry smiled before knocking slightly on the door.

“No problem, hun. See you all later for soundcheck,” Paul waved before turning around and walking off.

Behind Harry the door opened and a sheepishly smiling Niall stood there.

“Hi H. Sorry that I rushed off so quick. Come in,” the brunette opened the door further and let Harry slip in.

Harry walked into the room and sat down on the sofa that was facing the open balcony doors.

Fresh air and sunlight, typical cravings of an omega. Harry smiled to himself.

“Liam and Louis have run off to get some coffee and snacks and according to Louis ‘some drinkable tea – this American shit apparently is a disgrace to his fine alpha tongue’”, Niall giggled.

Harry joined in and let lose for a moment. It was easier to be himself with just Niall around and his laughs were just so damn infectious.

“Oh, I bet his prestigious British tongue needs special attention,” he teased in what felt like the first time in months. Niall just giggled harder. Harry preened on the inside.

“Yeah, definitely. He’s such a damn diva!”, Niall agreed and plopped down on the sofa next to Harry. When his laughter subsided, he looked in Harry’s eyes and slowly took his hand and pulled it into his own lap. Harry quietly gulped. He didn’t have any kind of physical contact with any of the boys in quite some time and he already felt overwhelmed. He really wasn’t used to this anymore. Not after half a year of nothing.

“I’m glad that they’re on a mission though because I wanted to have a word with you anyway,” the omega said and Harry’s emotions immediately shifted to worry again.

“Oh, uhm okay,” Harry said unsurely, “was-was Liam angry because you st-stood up for me?”

“Angry? Oh god, no Haz,” Niall laughed, “he could never be angry because I defend one of my best friends!”, he added with a twinkle in his eyes and Harry’s heart beat faster in an instant.

“Oh, haha good. But, uhm, seriously thank you for saying something. It really has been a bit much lately,” Harry admitted with a shrug smiling sheepishly.

“I know, babe, that’s why I finally snapped today. And I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. But you know how they are. Typical alphas,” the older boy rolled his eyes still full of fond.

“Uhm yeah, typical.”

“They are so unlike you, honestly. You are the softest and un-rowdiest alpha I have ever met and I feel like you have become even more quiet ever since Zayn left,” Niall said, worry clouding his clean pillow scent with a sour note all of a sudden, “Are you still sad about Z? Or is something else going on? You can still talk to me, H, you know?”

Harry’s heart stopped. _Shit, did he really change and let the alphaness slip this bad that Niall was on his case? This was so not good._

He swallowed harshly, “I – uhm, no honestly I’m fine, uhm tour is just kicking my butt lately and I’m just tired I guess..”

Niall just eyed him sceptically. “Yeah, I’m not buying that. You can tell that to the fruit bowl over there but not me. C’mon out with it, mate, we are all worried about you, love,” Harry snorted at that, “even if the two knotheads sometimes forget you’re the youngest and need some protection still,” the omega added.

And Harry, Well, Harry really needed to get himself in check because he was like three seconds away from spilling the beans because it just felt _so good_ to have one of his best friends worrying about him and really just being there for him.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t go through with his wish because he would essentially break the law. He was ‘ _contractually bound to keep everything between him and the members of management mentioned below’_ and he might have been rich but he wasn’t _that_ rich to pay himself out of that lawsuit.

The younger boy sighed and closed his eyes, trying to get his thoughts in order and think about what he was going to answer. He was so sick of lying and Niall deserved as much truth as Harry was able to give especially after showing he still cared. He felt himself getting worked up and stressed. His hands started shaking and he tried his hardest not to start crying. He loved Niall but with his exhaustion and the pills acting up he was just too overwhelmed to handle this at the moment.

And with that, the tears started flowing.

Niall’s immediate reaction was a quiet gasp, an influx of sour worry in his scent and him pulling Harry into his arms. The sensory overload of the scent, the closeness and the _hug_ were entirely too much for the curly haired boy and his silent tears evolved into full on sobbing in no time.

“Hey, hey, babe, shh it’s fine. I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t want to upset you, darling. C’mere let me cuddle you,” Niall’s omega and his need to nurture, care and love came through full force with the sight of one of his closest friends in agony and pain.

Harry was completely stiff in his best friend’s arms and tried to stop the tears but it was so hard when he felt the first kind of affection in months.

“Let it out, Haz. You’ll feel better, lovey,” Niall soothed while scratching Harry’s scalp knowing this was a fool proof way of calming him down.

“B-but but I’m an –“

“If you now say ‘but I’m an alpha’ I will slap your stupidly handsome face. Newsflash, alphas are humans and humans have feelings. And sometimes those feelings are bad and overwhelming and you need to let them out. So, do it. Let them out. And I promise I won’t tell a soul about how you _displayed weakness_ ,” the omega ended his little speech with a top notch imitation of Cowell which made Harry snort through his tears and then immediately cry harder because Cowell was the fucking reason for all of this in the first place.

Niall giggled along with him and pulled him in that much tighter. A minute later, he started playing with Harry’s locks which made him finally let lose. His hair really was his weak point. His tears flowed steadily but his shaking subsided. He turned his head into Niall’s neck and slightly pressed his nose close to the other boy’s scent gland.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Niall whispered and made sure to send calming pheromones through. His clean laundry scent now had undertones of lavender; the typical scent omegas start to produce when they want to calm someone down. With its soothing effects, lavender can relieve emotional stress, nerves and distress and omegas made good use of those traits.

Harry made a small sound in appreciation and immediately started to feel himself relax. He let himself be held by Niall for a few more minutes until his tears finally stopped. The older boy just held him without saying anything else and Harry was so grateful for these few minutes of just love and affection.

When he had fully calmed down he slowly pulled away from Niall’s neck and wiped his eyes with an embarrassed chuckle, “I’m so-sorry –“

“Stop right there. I will not be hearing any of that. This is totally fine and normal and okay. Our job is stressful and this happens to the best of us. Even our strong, always smiling, and tough Alpha Liam has his bad days and I have to cuddle him through the night when it’s too much. So, do I have the bad days and nights where I just want to cry and be held, and I know for a fact that Louis does as well. Babe, you really don’t have to act all tough and shit with me. I’m your best friend and we’re in this together. Even if the past months have been weird, I love you and I want you to be happy,” Niall told him while rubbing his back, “God, listen to me, when the fuck did I get so grown up and wise. It’s disgusting!”, the omega scrunched his nose in distaste and started giggling again.

This finally set Harry off too and he joined with his own hiccup-y giggles. He nuzzled back into Niall’s neck and inhaled a bit more of his best friend’s scent and realised again how much he had missed affection and a simple human touch.

“Thanks, Ni, I guess I needed to hear that,” Harry sighed and wrapped his own arms around Niall and squeezed him tightly not caring if Liam would be mad. He missed Niall so much.

“Does it really come as a surprise to you that I’m right? Shaking my head, Haz. You should know me better,” the brunette teased.

Harry giggled again.

“You know Hazza, you really are so different to all the other alphas out there. You’re soft, caring, cuddly and sweet and those damn dimples. So freaking pretty, it’s almost annoying. I would hate you if you weren’t my best friend. You’d really be a brilliant omega. Nature really did a number here,” Niall mumbled. It was his turn to smash his nose into Harry’s neck and Harry was extremely thankful for that because he wasn’t sure he had his facial expression in check at all. He could feel himself pale and his heart started beating wildly again.

_How the fuck am I supposed to react to that?_

_Oh god, please don’t._

_Niall needs to stop right then and there._

_Why does it feel so good?_

The tears were a second away from making another appearance.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to react because in this moment the door of the hotel room flew open and the other two alphas barked in hands full with coffee, tea and what seemed like an entire shop’s worth of snacks and sweets.

Harry immediately sprung back from Niall’s embrace in fear. If you asked him why he was scared he wouldn’t even be able to tell but he knew he needed to keep his distance and be good.

Luckily, the two best friends were busy bickering with each other.

“And, I told you a thousand times we wouldn’t find your tea here! Why didn’t you bring one of your 450 packs from the bus?”, Liam asked exasperated.

“ _Because_ you should think a fucking five star hotel would be have the most important hot beverage on _earth_!”, Louis gave back.

“We are in America, Lou. The only hot beverage that counts is coffee,” the other alpha sighed while pinching his nose.

“That’s bullshit!”, the oldest huffed and plopped down on the plush loveseat that was right next to the balcony door and opposite of Harry. Harry tried really hard not to stare at the alpha’s thick thighs that were highlighted by the light blue denim shorts the boy was wearing. _God, so delicious,_ Harry sighed in his head.

“Lou, honestly, this is our fourth tour overseas, you really should know by now that Americans don’t think like we do,” Niall cackled while walking over to give his alpha a kiss hello. Liam immediately put his arms around his omega and scented him lightly to greet him as well.

“Still bullshit,” Louis huffed and ripped open a pack of sour gummy worms.

“Ew, you smell like Americans, go shower I don’t want you smelling like a Trump supporter, Liam,” Niall scrunched his nose dramatically and pushed his boyfriend in the direction of their bathroom.

“We literally all were outside not even an hour ago. And not everyone is a Trump supporter?”, Liam deadpanned.

“Semantics, semantics,” the omega waved his hand even _more_ dramatically, “Fact is you could be smelling like one and you will not enter this bed while doing so. So, off you pop and bring me back your minty scent!” Niall finished and turned back around to plop down next to Harry again who was desperately trying to hold in his giggles. Niall was cute and funny – he truly had perfected the sassy omega – and Harry had missed him so much. Across from them, Louis was cackling too, releasing gleefully happy pheromones that mixed beautifully with his gorgeous cinnamon and coffee scent. It was Harry’s favourite smell in the entire world but the added notes of freshly cut grass made it even better. An alpha’s happy pheromones did wonders to any omega but especially to unbonded ones who did not have their own alpha to keep them constantly positive, happy, and protected. Louis’ scent like this was like a drug to Harry and he soaked it up as much as he could. His soul was already feeling so much better. The youngest was yet again surprised how much it helped him to just _be_ in a situation with his pack where he wasn’t the target of anything negative and could just bathe in their good moods.

“Sooo Lou, what did you get for us? Give us the goods now as long as my alpha is not able to talk me into eating the healthy snacks,” Niall said with one of his trademark smiles and a mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

Louis rolled his eyes fondly, “If you were my omega, you could eat all the shit you want because we all know you would still look cute and not to step on Liam’s toes but you _would_ look even better with a more round booty,” the alpha said which made Niall glow like a Christmas tree.

“ _Please_ tell that to my alpha! He is so worried all the fucking time about my eating habits he forgets I could be so much _thicker_ for him,” Niall cried dramatically.

“The thicker the better,” Louis agreed with a dreamy sigh and Harry almost choked on the sip of coffee he had just taken. He really _did not_ need to know what Louis’ turn ons were. And besides this, he was the furthest from thick anyone could be. He had by far the strictest diet out of all of them and it made sure Harry was just very small in order for his muscles to be seen. Bodies like his were usually not made to be muscular and tough so he had to work extra hard for his to remain the way it was. Which in conclusion meant he didn’t even _look_ like someone Louis would want even if it was possible. Harry knew this but it still always put a damper on his mood.

“That’s what I’ve been preaching and praying all along! Do me a favour and tell this to your dear alpha brother,” Niall said while accepting the plastic bag full of snacks from Louis who was snickering again.

“Will do, babe.”

Niall just dumped the whole content of said bag on the coffee table that stood between the two seaters and divided Louis and Harry from each other.

“Damn Lou, that’s a great selection, I love you!”, Niall yelled while snatching a Snickers bar, a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a pack of sour gummy bears.

“Everything for you, dear omega,” Louis answered in a fake snobby voice which set off Niall’s giggles again. Harry just watched with a fond and quietly sad expression. He wished he still could have these interactions with the boys and especially his former best friend.

In that moment, Liam emerged from the bathroom and bringing along his fresh and bright peppermint scent that was now freed from any strange pheromones. Harry would never admit it out loud but he loved Liam’s scent too, it just calmed him down so much and it reminded him of early morning rehearsals in boxers and too big shirts in the X-Factor house when the others were still sleeping and both of them desperately needed to practice and proof to themselves there were good enough to be there. Liam and Harry probably had the closest bond with each other before Niall and the alpha realised they were it for each other and became mates in 2013.

“Lou, did you have to give him everything at once?”, the alpha groaned when he saw his mate happily munching on three different types of sweets at the same time.

“Yes, he had to,” his omega answered with his mouth full of chocolate.

Liam just groaned again and dropped down next to Louis and across from his boyfriend while trying to organise the chaos on the table in front of him.

“How are we supposed to work when everything is covered in sugar and plastic wrappers?”, Liam asked already slipping into business work mode since they were there for _work_. He still was the only one who really took these meet ups this seriously.

“Chill, mate. It’s just us today we really don’t need to act all strict and professional,” Louis said while clapping the other alpha on the back.

“That doesn’t mean we don’t have to come out of it with _nothing_ except a sugar rush.” He frowned.

“Yes, alpha of course, you’re right,” Niall said with a wink and threw a kiss at his mate who smiled at him gently.

“Alright, let’s do this, shall we?”, Liam said while getting up again to grab his notebooks he used to write lyrics, his phone, and a pen. When he sat back down he looked at the other three expectantly.

“I haven’t -,” Niall started but was interrupted by Louis who was looking at Harry, “Harry has written a song and he is dying to show us,” he said with a strange glint to his eyes.

It was the first time the youngest had been addressed since the other alphas entered the room. He immediately paled with the full attention of all three on him and he cleared his throat uneasily.

“Is that so?”, Liam asked with a rush of expectations flooding his scent. Harry hadn’t contributed to their shared writing sessions in months and the alpha wasn’t sure he still had it in him. What the others didn’t know was that Harry still wrote a shit ton of songs, poems, and random lyrics but most of them were too sad, depressing or _telling_ that he couldn’t show them during band writing time.

“U-uhm y-yeah I – uhm,” Harry stuttered, anxious to do something wrong now.

“What are you waiting for?”, Niall interrupted with a smile, “Show us!”

“It’s j-just a rough outline right n-now. So, it’s n-not finished,” Harry said hoping they would leave it alone even though he really wanted to show the song since he was proud of the concept and the lyrics.

“Has this ever stopped us from listening to a song before?”, Louis huffed and Harry blushed. He just wasn’t used to Louis interacting with him anymore.

“Lou’s right, we’re here to work on songs together and not just showing finished products to each other. You know that, Harry,” Liam added and Harry was just confused. Since when did they put up with him for this amount of time again? Did they feel guilty for being so awful in the car or did Niall threaten them to tolerate Harry for two hours? No matter what, it was too much for Harry’s confused mind. This day as a whole has been a rollercoaster of emotions and the youngest boy really needed a nap.

“Yes, exactly! C’mon, Haz. I miss your songs,” Niall said with an encouraging smile.

“O-okaay,” Harry agreed nervously and pulled out his little leather bound diary and opened up the correct site, “I have finished the first verse and the chorus, so uhm there’s still quite a bit missing but the rough idea is like a happy, summer song?”, he added before clearing his throat.

He closed his eyes because he had been humming the song the entire day and he knew the lyrics by heart already. He tried to picture the emotion he had this morning so he could really convey the feelings and happiness he wanted the song to describe.

Harry counted in his head and started singing, first very quietly to not upset the others but then starting to fall into the song again and raising his voice a bit. The curly haired boy got lost in the song _again_ and illustrated being loved and cherished by Louis in his head. His mind wandered off to browned skin, drunk kisses and cuddles on the beach that made him smile despite himself.

After he finished, he sighed and slowly opened his eyes just to cast them on the still steaming coffee cup in front of his; scared the boys would hate it and make fun of him. This song meant too much to him for it to be a joke to anyone else. However, he had made some dramatically sappy references and was embarrassingly loud in his love declarations, which he only registered now, and it made him blush a dark cherry red. So, he couldn’t really blame them for taking the piss, right?

When he didn’t get any kind of reaction whatsoever, he chanced a glance into the beautiful face across from him and was shocked when he saw the look of pure wonder and _adoration_ in Louis’ eyes.

_Wait what?_

Turning his head and checking on the other two, he found the _same_ expressions on both faces. And Harry was officially lost to the world. _What in god’s name was going on?_

“Uhm – so, yeah. That’s it,” he shrugged shyly.

The other three were still just looking at him.

And Harry wanted to flee the room and hide under his blankets preferably for the next two weeks.

“I-it’s just an idea I- I had. Nothing to take into serious consideration,” the green eyed boy immediately offered to give them an easy way out.

“ _Nothing to take into serious consideration,_ ” Louis gasped, “Are you out of your mind?”

Harry looked back down and swallowed back the tears that were building up in his throat yet again.

But before he could take his plans of leaving the room into action, he felt a soft hand under his chin pulling his head back up to eye level with the others. Harry’s breath got stuck in his throat. Thankfully, it was just Niall because Harry really didn’t know how his body would react if one of the alphas were to touch him in his current state. He also hadn’t been expecting being touched at all right now and he desperately tried to hold in _another_ embarrassing whine.

“What do you mean it’s nothing for us to consider using? Have you actually heard yourself? This song is fucking _brilliant_!”, the omega said smiling widely yet with a softness that showed he knew Harry was feeling insecure about the whole thing.

“Y-you think so?”, Harry whispered.

Instead of Niall answering, Louis jumped in, “Yes! Oh my god, Haz! This song is bloody gorgeous? How could you think any different?”

“Yes, H. I agree. It really is stunning, so lovely, and happy,” Liam voiced from behind Niall who was still invading Harry’s space and blocking his view.

“I’m – I’m glad you like it,” Harry answered all three of them, overwhelmed but with a lightness he hasn’t felt in a long while.

“I’m glad you let us listen,” Louis said softly.

“Of course, Lou, thank you for listening,” Harry replied slightly blushing and trying not to preen too openly. Having Louis’ attention was just incredible. He wasn’t even being dramatic when he said that Louis was his personal shot of serotonin and having this back even in the tiniest amount was just mind blowing.

“Thank _you_ for sharing it with us, Hazza,” Niall said and the other two nodded in agreement.

“How are you feeling about all of us working on this one for a bit? The stuff I have at the moment is nowhere near as good and catchy and I don’t know about you guys but I’d love a good summer tune on the next record,” the brown eyed alpha suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” his omega agreed.

“I’m not showing you all the shit three words I have written after Harry just did that,” the oldest alpha laughed which made his nose scrunch which was one of Harry’s most favourite thing in the entire world and he was elated to be the reason for them to make an appearance.

“Haz, what do you say? Shall we make a new 1d hit out of that?”, Liam smiled at him.

Harry giggled happily, “I’d love to!”

And with that the four bandmates got to work. It was safe to say that this day took a 180 in the best way possible and Harry was fucking glad he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep the night before. He would take the soft, affectionate, and proud pheromones the others were releasing over a good nap any day.

Harry couldn’t believe his wish actually came true. His soul soaked up every bit of love in that random hotel room in America and his body hasn’t felt that great in a long time. With every second they worked on the lyrics, praised his choice of words, laughed because Niall made a funny remark or patted his shoulder gently, the danger of going to that dark, scary, and lonely place moved a bit further out of the younger boy’s reach. And Harry was living for this.

○○○

After a truly successful writing session, soundcheck and the actual show were just the icing on top of one of the best days Harry had in months. Due to all of the positive attention he had been receiving from his pack ever since he showed them the sunflower song (that’s how he had been calling it in his head all day) his energy levels were bursting and his performance blew everyone’s minds. The fans were ecstatic to have their happy bubbly and loud Harry back after he had been subdued and kind of quiet for the past weeks and the boys were surprised to see this side of the youngest alpha again. They didn’t question it but were glad they didn’t have to cover up Harry’s seemingly uncaring and bored attitude. All of them gladly took a night where they could have fun despite being exhausted and in need of a break.

Harry had been skipping around on stage, yelling the lyrics, danced, and glowed like it just hadn’t been possible for him to do so before he got the shot of affection earlier that day. He had missed this carefree and happy feeling of doing what he loved most with the boys he loved most. He tried to imprint every second of this show into his mind to come back to this feeling of bliss and joy when all of this was over and the boys were back to treating him like usual. Harry wouldn’t blame them at all for this and expected it to happen sooner than later, he was fully prepared for all of this to go back to normal but he was so grateful for this one day of warmth and tenderness. It would definitely fuel him for at least a week and this was like forever for him right now.

○○○

Running backstage after singing the last notes of _Best Song Ever,_ Harry even found himself in a group hug with the other threes. At first he froze completely, still not being able to have an alpha touch him after so long, but then he felt Louis rubbing his back and he literally collapsed into the embrace. When he heard Niall’s happy whine, he decided to send management and everyone whoever prohibited him from having physical contact with his pack to hell and let a content and blissful whine of his own slip. The boys didn’t even notice so he really didn’t know why he was never allowed into the group huddles anymore.

All four of them evidently enjoyed the pack cuddles since they hadn’t happened like this in just as long as Harry feeling truly happy. The alphas huddled close and protected the omega and Harry found himself sandwiched between Niall and Louis which was probably the most heavenly place on earth right now. Louis’ cinnamon mixed so well with Niall’s warm cotton and Harry would emit the strongest scent of fresh grass the world had ever seen if he could be scented. None of them wanted to break apart from the others and so they just kept holding each other and shuffled closer and closer until they were basically one.

That’s how Harry found himself being literally _squished_ into Louis and if he weren’t in the middle of a bustling backstage area and he didn’t have to be someone he wasn’t he would drop right then and there. But it would be the warm, soft, happy, and light place this time. Harry sighed. This would be the dream.

Well, Harry couldn’t lie, this right now was a dream too. The youngest one was in the arms of the love of his life and due to the close proximity he just had to turn his head the tiniest bit and he would be able to press his face into the source of Louis’ scent. The place where his smell was the strongest and most potent. Also known as Harry’s favourite spot in the whole entire universe. He hadn’t expected to ever be back there again but he wouldn’t change this moment for anything else. Harry certainly wasn’t missing his opportunity and pressed his nose lightly into Louis’ scent gland while the alpha was giggling with Niall and trying to flick Liam’s ear affectionately.

No one was paying close attention to Harry’s movements which he was grateful for because he could get his fill of alpha pheromones – and more importantly Louis pheromones. His soul was literally singing and his heart hasn’t felt this light in a very long time. The curly haired boy almost felt drunk with all the serotonin swirling around in his body.

After what felt like three hours and a whole lot of love and affection, the pack broke apart and all of them smiled brightly at each other.

“This was a bloody great show, lads!”, Louis shouted full of post-show adrenalin.

Niall and Harry giggled and nodded their heads.

Liam yelled his agreement while taking off in the direction of their dressing rooms and losing his white tank top on the way. Niall cackled and followed his alpha to not so secretly get his very own post-show show.

“C’mon Haz, we should get changed too. Cars should be here any minute,” Louis said with a much gentler and more quiet tone than he had been talking to the others the whole time.

_Did I accidentally fall into a coma and enter an alternate universe or why is Louis so fucking gentle and attentive to me today?_

_Does it matter?_

_No._

_Just shut up and enjoy it._

“Yeah, let’s go,” the younger boy whispered with a shy smile.

The two former best friends walked through the backstage area in the direction of their dressing rooms to quickly grab their stuff and meet with Paul at the back entrance to get into the cars that would bring them back to the hotel.

Harry did all of that more or less on auto pilot because his head was currently feeling so light and airy. If you asked him he could also be flying around on a soft cotton cloud instead of walking through a dirty backstage area.

Funny, what some family pheromones did to a starved mind, right?

Somehow Harry found himself on his way back to the hotel a mere 10 minutes later and he didn’t even pay attention to the fact that he and Louis were in the car alone. Liam and Niall probably claimed the other car for themselves. It was seriously better this way. They all had seen far too much of their post-concert shenanigans.

Harry just closed his eyes and hummed happily to himself. He really felt drunk out of his mind and it was the best feeling ever right now. He hadn’t really realised how badly he was missing this and he was hoping it would last a few precious days.

When the car came to a final stop, Harry was like five seconds away from falling asleep (which was a typical side effect of the overload of good hormones and the overwhelming closeness to alphas especially if they were pack).

“Haz? Love, we’re here,” Louis gently stroke his arm to get his attention and Harry had to seriously pull himself together or he would start purring and probably tell Louis everything while climbing in his lap.

This really sounded like a fantastic idea. He was about to spill the tea when he final opened his eyes and came face to face with not only Louis but also the open car door and a very pissed off looking Marco, who was part of their management and also somehow in the know about Harry’s … situation.

_Well, it was a nice thought while it lasted,_ Harry sighed to himself.

“Sorry, Lou, I – I didn’t want to h-hold you up. You can go ahead. I’ll just head straight to bed. I’m fine on my own,” said Harry, who was most certainly _not_ fine on his own, to Louis who was still stroking his arm. Harry also really wished he could follow Louis to _his_ bed.

“Nonsense, what are you talking about? We can head up together, love. We’re literally on the same exact floor,” Louis laughed gently with a confused air surrounding him.

God, Harry just really wanted to tell him. The urge hasn’t been that bad in literal years.

He was about to tell Louis how right he actually is when there was an annoyed cough from behind them.

Louis turned around and made a surprised sound, “Oh hey, Marco, mate. Haven’t seen you there. What’s up?”, he said completely unaware of the daggers the man was throwing at Harry for getting so close to one of the boys so late in the day when the spray most likely would start to lose its effect.

“Not much. Just wanted to get you safely into the hotel. There are fans waiting on the other side of the street and you should really all retire to your _own_ rooms immediately,” the other alpha grunted. He really wasn’t the nicest person in the world. Harry disliked him a whole fucking lot.

“Oh damn, yeah, thanks for letting us now, we really should head inside. I’m knackered and I would hate to give them false hope,” Louis agreed and finally pulled off his seatbelt. Harry didn’t know what to do. He really, _really_ wanted to follow Louis and spend a few more blissful moments in the alpha’s presence (and scent) but he was terrified of Marco and the intervention he would definitely have to face in the morning. That man was the epitome of rude and asshole (no wonder he worked so well with Cowell) and he desperately wanted to hold onto the good feeling of today.

When Louis was out of the car and already a few steps ahead, he turned around and saw that Harry was still frozen in his seat. He cocked his head in confusion, “H? You coming? Or are you planning to spend the night outside?”, he teased.

Harry threw a glance at Marco who already wore his signature frown and angry glint in his eyes. He was already screwed. So, might as well.

“Y-yeah, I’m coming. Sorry, Lou, I’m just tired,” Harry replied and jumped out of the car and rushed past the angry manager. Louis smiled at him and shoved his shoulder gently against Harry’s, “Yeah, you look like you need a good night’s sleep, c’mon let’s get you to bed.”

They started walking towards the hotel and Harry didn’t even glance back. He would deal with the big guys in the morning. For now, he just wanted to enjoy Louis’ attention.

Harry was brave enough to shuffle closer to the alpha to get a stronger hint of coffee and cinnamon which he definitely would take to bed.

They didn’t speak but the silence wasn’t forced for once and it actually felt comfortable and just _nice_. Harry thought for the millionth time this day how much he had missed this.

When the two boys arrived in front of Harry’s hotel room door, he fleetingly thought that the day started exactly here with a lot ruder remarks and an angry Louis. Oh, how the tables have turned. Who would have thought that just a short few hours later he would be back here with a soft and gently smiling Louis right in front of him again? Harry definitely preferred this version of his boy.

“What are you smiling for?”, said boy asked quietly with a smile of his own.

Harry startled a bit, still not used to being addressed so lovingly by the alpha. He also felt himself going pink again.

“Oh, uhm, n-nothing really. I j-just had a lot of fun at the show tonight?”, Harry answered with a shy smile.

The older alpha nodded his head enthusiastically, “Yes, definitely! Tonight was bloody awesome! Great crowd, great atmosphere and the sound was damn brilliant!”

“Exactly,” Harry said while trying to hide a yawn.

“And it seemingly has tired you out a great deal, hasn’t it?”, Louis continued and stepped a tiny bit closer to the curly haired boy. Harry gulped. This close he wasn’t sure he could restrain himself from reaching out for the other boy.

“Y-yeah. Early morning and busy day…,” Harry trailed off while closing his eyes and swaying slightly closer to the scent of comfort and safety. He really could fall asleep right then and there.

“Jesus, H. C’mon you really need to sleep. Don’t want you to faint on me here,” Louis said with the air of worry in his pheromones now.

“Sleep sounds really good,” Harry mumbled and all but stumbled right into the alpha’s chest. Louis immediately reacted and grabbed the younger boy’s hips to hold him upright.

If Harry could, he would drop right then and there.

“Shit, babe. What’s gotten into you all of a sudden? C’mon let me get you to bed,” Louis mumbled to himself because Harry was already three quarters on his way to dream land.

The last thing the younger boy registered was someone gently lying him down into his bed, covering him with the soft blanket and a push of soft and comforting waves of warm coffee and soothing cinnamon, almost like Christmas morning.

Harry’s hotel room door closed with a soft, “Good night, H. Sweet dreams.”

Harry smiled softly while drifting off into the best sleep he had in months.

However, the little blue bottle of pills remained untouched that night which would turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of Harry’s life.


	2. Two.

_The next morning_

Harry woke feeling better and more relaxed than he had been in months. His instant happiness and lightness of his soul made him smile immediately.

He could get used to this light, floaty feeling.

His smile only got bigger when he remembered how amazing the day had turned out yesterday despite starting off so stressful.

The green eyed boy slowly sat up and stretched his still sleepy muscles to get his body moving. He really wasn’t used to a deep and peaceful sleep like he had last night. His mind was so clear and relaxed.

When he looked around his hotel room that was lit up with the soft early morning light, he took a deep breath in and his smile got infinitely bigger. There were tones of cinnamon and coffee mixed in with his neutral and clinic scent and the warmth overshadowed it thankfully. For probably the first time since Louis moved out, the place where Harry slept was smelling like home.

And it was addicting.

Yeah, Harry was screwed but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The smell just made him feel so at ease.

The 22 year-old decided to not let his good mood get tainted and jumped out of bed, deciding to take advantage of being awake early and pamper himself bit.

He walked over to the balcony door and opened them up to let in some fresh morning air and put some of his yoga music on. It never failed to make him feel calm and collected. He wished he had time for a lengthy and thorough yoga class, but he wasn’t awake _that_ early. So, he just settled for some stretches to work against his back pains. With the comfort and softness of the pack lingering in his bones, Harry’s body moved so much gentler and flowing and he desperately wanted to hold onto that feeling. After all, he was certain it wouldn’t last. He would do or say something stupid sooner or later and the boys would need space again. Not that he could blame them, but the expiry date of his good mood was scaring him.

He shut the thought out immediately.

After he was done with his stretches and a few breathing exercises (and if he just did them to really breathe in Louis’ scent no one had to know but him), he made himself a cup of coffee and walked over to the bathroom.

He planned on shaving and sneaking in some bubble gum pink on his toenails which was his form of rebellion even if no one even knew about it. But it made him feel better. Softer. More himself. But before he would do that, he needed a shower. He quickly pulled off his mint green yoga pants and jumped under the hot spray. As much as he despised sleeping in sterile, cold, and empty hotel rooms, the showers were always fucking exquisite. He scrubbed his body with his specially made coffee and cinnamon scrub (yes Harry was extra like that, leave him alone), before shaving himself and washing off with a soft smelling vanilla and orange blossom shower gel. The shower was filled with beautifully fitting scents and Harry sighed contently. He loved those 15 minutes of pretending how _they_ could smell. He washed his hair with his favourite shampoo and conditioner that would make his curls all soft and shiny, before stepping out of the glass shower and wrapping himself up in one of the fluffy hotel towels.

He then walked over to the huge counter with the sink and the even bigger mirror hanging above. He picked up his toothbrush from the side of the sink and put on some toothpaste. While he brushed his teeth, he let his eyes wander through the large overly posh room, the mirror, his small selection of skin care products, his small pouch of hidden make up products, his little blue pill bottle, his …

Harry stopped in his tracks and almost choked on his toothpaste.

The little blue bottle of pills.

The pills he had to take twice a day in order to double their effect and _make them work in the first place_.

And Harry didn’t take them twice yesterday.

He fell asleep before he could take them. Being lulled to sleep by Louis’ gentle voice and comforting scent.

He didn’t take them.

He didn’t take them for the first time in 6 fucking years.

The toothbrush fell into the sink and Harry fell on the floor.

This could _not_ be happening. No, no, no.

This was _not_ happening.

Harry did not let himself fuck up. Okay, he let himself fuck up a lot. But he _never_ once in his life did he fuck up his pill schedule. He was so fucking pedantic about that whole thing. He had alarms for his alarms and he made sure to keep an emergency pill in his pocket wherever he went.

He was not _allowed_ to fuck this up. No one bloody knew what would happen if Harry just left out a pill. His body was not working on a natural clock anymore. It was working on his pill clock and now he went and fucked it up.

Harry was this close to hyperventilating and possibly … dropping.

Shit, fuck, shit. This honestly wasn’t happening now.

He didn’t know what to do now. He could tell _nobody_ about this bloody mistake. He would probably get kicked out of the band if management got a whiff of this. That meant he couldn’t tell Paul and especially not Marco. And of course, he couldn’t tell the boys. What the fuck was he supposed to tell them?

No. He was on his own. He fucked up and it was all his fault and now he had to deal with whatever the consequences were.

Oh god, this was so bad. So, so, so bad.

Harry started tearing up and he felt his pulse quicken. Why was it that every time something good happened it was immediately overshadowed by something so, _so_ bad? What did Harry do to the world to deserve this treatment?

He was just enjoying some pack time and was gifted some affection from his favourite person … and this was what he had to pay for it?

Wait a second. Louis.

Oh, _fuck_.

The alpha had been in his room and Harry had. Not. Taken. His. Pill.

Harry immediately scrambled off of the bathroom floor and ran back into the main room. He couldn’t remember how he got into bed which meant that Louis was the one who did it. Which also meant he came not only close to Harry’s bed, but _Harry_ himself.

Did he smell him?

Shit this was the last thing that was allowed to happen. Harry was so fucking screwed.

He wanted to go back to yesterday and never let the good feeling happen. God it was all ruined now.

He took a big sniff of the room at large and tried to find a hint of himself. Thankfully, he could only detect Louis’ lingering scent and other than that just the clinic like scent of the hotel room. For probably the first time in his career, Harry was happy about the strong smell of disinfect and neutralising spray hotels used to not force someone’s smell on another hotel guest. He sighed relieved.

This also meant the scent neutralisers worked without his pill. At least that was reassuring. As much reassurance as Harry could have in that moment. All of this was still a bloody mess.

He couldn’t even think about what would have happened if Louis had detected _that_ smell. Or worse, if Harry really just climbed in his lap like he so desperately wanted in the car.

God, this was fucking awful.

Harry walked back into the bathroom and chanced a glance into the mirror. Somehow seeing that he wasn’t suddenly looking _different_ helped him to collect his frazzled mind. Yes, he looked like a bloody mess, his eyes were blood shot from the near panic attack and his hair was looking worse for wear, but he still looked like Harry. Like _alpha_ Harry. Just like the world was used to. And that was the most important thing right now.

He still didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to do or expect now but at least he didn’t have to explain why he was suddenly sporting lack of abs or muscles in general.

Harry traipsed over to his toiletry bag again and picked up the small blue bottle. He wished he could ask _anyone_ what would happen now but he rather died than call management and let them know. He desperately wanted to call his mum but she would be furious as well. After all she agreed with the terms and she still was convinced it was the right decision. So, that fell through as well. Gemma was just as clueless as the boys and Harry was not breaking the news to her after 6 years _over the phone_. After all he wasn’t dying. Maybe nothing would happen at all and then he just made his own life a thousand times more difficult and he really didn’t need more stress.

He eyed the bottle thoughtfully. Unfortunately, he also couldn’t read the description on it because it was in Polish or something similar since management had to import it from somewhere where it was actually _legal_.

Well, he was used to the active ingredients and he could handle the side effects just fine, sooo – Harry looked at himself in the mirror again this time with a contemplating frown.

_I mean what could happen?_

A lot could happen but Harry would rather die of side effects than have to explain to management why he was dripping all over the stage. Harry shuddered with horror.

Without even daring to think any further, he popped open the bottle and took out two of the pills and immediately swallowed them dry.

“Please, please, please, just work the same,” he whispered with a shaking voice and closed his eyes for a second to try and get his thoughts in order.

By the time he was ready to open his eyes again, at least 10 minutes have passed and Harry still looked like an anxious mess. His morning started so nice. Why did he have to crash and burn two minutes into the day? Literally why was Harry’s life like this?

He never did anything wrong. He loved kittens and was nice to bugs, he always just put them outside when Louis saw one and screeched for Harry to kill it. He was kind to grannies and helped them bring home their groceries every single time he saw them back in Holmes Chapel. He never ever complained about anything. And yet? He still was the fucking punching bag for fate.

It was 7.34am and Harry was officially ready to have this day end. He contemplated for three whole seconds to at least call Paul and tell him he was not feeling well to get out of promo and soundcheck, so he only had to survive tonight’s show. But then he thought about how much he didn’t want the disappointed looks back in the boys’ eyes and rather keep the soft affection they offered him yesterday which made him actually put on clothes and get ready for the day.

Just a minute later, there was a knock on his door and Paul’s voice called out for him to get his bum to the car for the first thing on their schedule.

The green eyed boy was still a jittery mess and he was scared as fuck that Louis would ask him questions, he wasn’t able, wasn’t allowed to answer. He still pushed his anxiety down and opened the door, trying (and probably failing) to smile at Paul before following him down the hallway to start the day officially.

By the time soundcheck rolled around, Harry was fucking exhausted. His body was in full on panic mode and he tried his hardest to seem nonchalant because the boys were still happy and sweet and actually _including_ him in the jokes and banter. And he should be fucking elated about this but he felt like he was going into cardiac arrest in a milli second. He was so sure someone could smell his fuck up with the pills and that management would burn him alive in the next heartbeat. He was sweating buckets which did not help his paranoia about him sending off pheromones. Harry wasn’t kidding when he said he had been to the loo to apply more scent neutralising spray for at least 25 times in the past two hours.

The emotional turmoil in his body made it even more difficult to focus than it was on a normal day and he prayed he wasn’t pissing off the others with his distracted mind. He needed the affection right now more than usual. He wanted nothing more than to just curl up in an alpha’s (preferably Louis’) lap and take a nap while being protected by strength and love.

He wished he knew why he was feeling so _off_ but he couldn’t pinpoint it. It was probably time to get more of the extra vitamins or whatever it was that Marco gave him from time to time. Harry had no clue what they were but they helped with his anxiety and he needed that badly right now.

Harry looked around the backstage area of the stadium and try to make out the burly figure of the manager. When he spotted him talking to someone from the crew he sighed relived. It would be harder to get to the point with the boys right there. He walked over to the older man and waited patiently until he sent off the crew member.

Marco turned around, “What is it, Styles?”

“D-do you have some of the vitamins with you?”, the younger boy asked uncertainly. He hated when he got like this and lost all ability to even act alpha.

Marco hated this probably even more than Harry and threw him a very fitting pissed off look.

“Oh noo, is our princess feeling a bit weak and fragile today,” the alpha sneered which made Harry want to cower so, _so_ badly. But this was literally the last thing he could do in a room like this.

Instead he tried straightening his back and stand taller, “no I just need a pick me up to give a good show later. But in case you want another call from Simon, be my guest and let me be tired and ‘obvious’ on stage,” he answered with the air of fake confidence. He so wished it were real but that hasn’t been him in years.

“You had _one_ passable show in three months and now you want to tell me what to do?”, the other man laughed condescendingly.

Harry tried really hard not to blush. Bloody fucking hormones.

“Harry? C’mon time for the last check of the mics!”, Liam’s voice called from the stage entrance.

The young boy quickly turned around and replied with a, “Coming!”, before looking back to Marco with a pleading look in his eyes, despite the piss the man would take out of him, “Please Marco, I’ve been sleeping like shit and the pills are not cutting it anymore. I just need them today and you said they were fine.”

The tall alpha rolled his eyes, “Stop with that weak pussy pleading. They’ll be in your dressing room after soundcheck. You better not fuck the show up especially if I do this for you now. You understand?”

Harry swallowed anxiously, “Yes, sir,” he whispered before quickly moving away from the threatening figure of their management assistant. At least he got the push for the show.

Just a few more hours and he would be back in the safety of his hotel room and maybe he could get a good cry in. That would make him sleep at least.

○○○

Thankfully, the show went off without a hitch which lifted Harry’s mood even more than the vitamins did. Marco stayed true to his words for once and made Harry’s night so, so much better. The boys were still happy with him and the fans loved every single second of the show. He really could get used to this feeling again. It was addicting. He didn’t have this pleasure since Take Me Home Tour and he never wanted to miss it again. If that meant, taking more and more pills, well. Then so be it.

Hell, he even got hugs _again_. His touch levels haven’t been this filled in a good year. Not even Gemma’s last visit and her cuddles have been as effective as the hugs of his pack. Even though he wasn’t even really part of said pack, but he had been great in not thinking about that. Anyhow, two alphas and an omega he loved to death giving him love even excelled his sister’s affection.

However, the hugs and the boys’ open kindness did not safe him from the exhaustion he was feeling. The concert took the last bit of energy he had inside of him. The double dose of medication really seemed to hit his body and he wasn’t prepared for it at all.

God, he should really let management know that he needed a new prescription or at least another remedy to counter act the bloody side effects.

But first, sleep.

He was currently still sitting next to a cuddling Liam and Niall and across from Louis in the common space of the backstage area with a glass of wine in his hand watching his boys bantering and drinking beers. And boy, did he wish he could just stay in this moment and just soak in it. But he was a second away from just falling asleep and this couldn’t happen when the others were around. Lord knows what he would do when he was not coherent and ready to keep the act up.

Also, he needed his scent spray. And his pills. He definitely wasn’t going to repeat last night’s mistake.

The youngest took the last sip of his rosé and set the glass down on the small table in front of him. “I’m gonna head back to the hotel. I’m knackered.”

Niall looked over to him, “Already? C’mon I thought we’d play some games and do shots,” the omega pouted. Harry wanted to backtrack immediately. How could he possibly deny Niall anything? Especially when he was so nice to him in the past few days?

Harry was about to tell him he was totally right when he saw movement on the other side of the room. He glanced over and saw Marco hovering around there. He stared at Harry with anger in his eyes and shook his head just once.

Well. Harry knew that look. And he also knew he had to disappoint Niall after all.

“I’m so sorry, Ni. I’m exhausted a-and the weather is doing me i-in. Rain check?”, Harry said with regret in his voice.

“But Haz-,” Niall tried to argue, but Liam interrupted him with a hand on his neck, “Babe, if he’s tired, let him go. Let’s not overdo it, shall we?”

Niall just nodded and cuddled back into his alpha. Oh, the wonders of an alpha touch. A safe way to get an omega to follow their alphas wish. Great feeling for the omega if _their_ alpha is doing it and Niall was obviously enjoying it.

Harry stood up and smiled at them apologetically. Before he could say anything else, Louis spoke, “Let me bring you back to the hotel.”

The younger boy’s breath got stuck in his throat. Did Louis just offer again to bring him ‘home’? What was _happening?_ The confusion wanted to creep back in his mind. And so did the fuzzy feeling in his tummy.

Harry desperately wanted to say yes and get the chance of more alone time with his love, but a distinct cough from the other side of the room let him halt in his tracks again. The youngest felt the nauseating pressure push away the warm fuzziness immediately.

He also had to disappoint _Louis_. He really did not want to see that look in Louis’ eyes. He didn’t want the light and warm cinnamon coffee leave and make room for the cold again.

But he had to. He wasn’t allowed otherwise.

He couldn’t bring himself to meet Louis’ eyes but he also couldn’t bring himself _not_ showing him he got his full attention. He settled to look at Louis’ nose. His very cute nose.

_Shut up, Harry,_ he growled to himself, _you have to get yourself out of this with the least damage._

“Oh- oh, that’s very nice, Lou, but you don’t have to. Stay here with the others a-and have some more fun.”

“Nonsense let me-“, the alpha tried to argue and sent off a wave of strong coffee that hit Harry. A safe way to tell Louis was either getting annoyed or was _disappointed._ Damn it. Harry didn’t understand why he would be disappointed, but fact was Harry did that and he couldn’t deal with the knowledge.

However, Louis didn’t get to finish what he wanted to say because he was interrupted by Marco, that bloody asshole, “The car is waiting. Time to go,” he said with a notion of alpha in his voice and Harry had to swallow down the distress. His meds were definitely wearing off, so he really didn’t have a choice than leaving now.

“I-I’m coming. It it’s fine, Louis. Really stay and enjoy yourself, we’re off the next two days and you should make the best of it,” Harry tried to joke but his voice didn’t sound right.

“Well, if you’re sure,” Louis answered with the tang of disappointment in his scent, “Liam, get me another beer, would you, mate?”, he continued obviously dismissing Harry. The younger one felt a pang that hit too close to the feeling he was used to. Yeah, it was time to leave and hold on to a few more moments of the good feels from earlier.

“Good night, boys,” the youngest mumbled, but the alphas were already neck deep into another conversation and Niall was out of it.

Harry sighed quietly and walked through the room were Marco was still standing impatiently, “About fucking time, Styles. Why the fuck have you been spending so much time with the others again? Don’t you know how to follow simple orders? Or are you really just dumb? I thought we settled that?”, the alpha growled lowly and Harry had to supress a whimper. God, he bloody hated alpha voices, they made him feel so sick.

“Yes, we did,” he mumbled.

“And why the hell are you misbehaving like that then?”, hell, that man really knew how to push his buttons. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Harry could not start crying here.

“I’m s-sorry.”  
“I don’t care about your sorry. Be bloody good, or else you will have a meeting with Simon. And now get your arse out of here.”

Without giving another response, Harry literally fled the backstage area and tried to hold back the tears.

He managed to do so until he was safely tucked in his hotel bed. And there came the good crying session he promised himself hours before. As promised it made him fall into sleep as soon as his body spent the last bit of energy he had left.

○○○

When the curly-haired boy opened his eyes the next time, he needed a minute to realise where he even was. His eyes burned and his lungs felt like there was a whole mountain pressing on his lungs.

_Oh, right._ Last night ended with at least three hours of crying and steering on the verge of dropping for far to long for being all alone.

Harry absolutely hated how weak and powerless management and especially Marco made him feel. He wished he were able to stand up for himself one fucking time. But he was pathetic and fragile.

He wanted a cuddle. No, he needed one. He wished again that Gemma were here. He could use some familiarity. God, he wished he could have his mum. But their relationship hasn’t been the same ever since this whole farce started and she agreed on the terms of management. According to her, it was just to protect him and keep him safe, but he still felt his feelings and opinions were ignored. He knew that he was still not of full age but it was _his_ body and _his career_. It was futile to argue with management because they only cared about money, but it still hurt that his mum agreed with the assholes in suits and never actually _listened_ to him when it came to this topic. This hurt never completely left Harry and he just couldn’t let loose with her and be _himself_. The 22 year-old wished their relationship would be back to how it was before the band but he was aware this wasn’t in the cards for them anymore.

Basically, he was on his own. And every single reminder was like a punch to his stomach.

He needed someone so bad. So, he wished his sister were here right now. At least, she loved him for being _Harry_ even if she didn’t have any idea what was going on for real. She would just cuddle him and make him tea and make him laugh and take his mind off of things. God, he really missed her. Especially now, that it looked like it was back to being Harry and the band.

Harry decided he was at least going to facetime her later or tomorrow and let her get him up to date in her life. This would definitely make him think of something else.

He grabbed his phone to shoot her a text. When he saw what time it was, he gasped out loud. It was past 3 o’clock in the afternoon?? Harry had slept for over 14 hours??

What the fuck?? When was the last time he slept this long? This couldn’t be true.

But looking at his phone screen again, it still showed the same time.

These past few days were so bloody strange, Harry really couldn’t deal with that. He needed a break. There were literally no words to explain how grateful he was for the two off days they were having. Today and tomorrow they were still staying in Boston before they would be travelling to their next destination on Thursday. That meant they had three days without shows or promo and two of those he could be alone and get a break from pretending and being alpha.

He really just needed a bit of space to recollect his thoughts and try and tell his body that the closeness to the pack wouldn’t last any longer. Harry really couldn’t face one of those damn meetings where they flew him out to wherever Simon was at the moment and tell him off for basically _breathing_. Also, all this back to back flying fucked even more with his body and he already didn’t feel well.

So yeah, he was happy to just hibernate in this room for the next 48 hours before he had to face the others to board the bus that would bring them to the next city and the next show.

Harry unlocked his phone and opened his messages with his sister.

**Harry [3.28pm]**

_Hi, Gem_ ♥ _hope you’re good? You think we can ft tomorrow? I’m off so I got time…miss you. Love you xx_

Harry didn’t expect an immediate response since it was already night-time in London and his sister went to sleep at like 8pm. But she would read the text first thing in the morning, and they could settle a time then.

And if they couldn’t do it tomorrow, Harry could just call her on their drive to New York. He would be stuck in a bus with the others for more than 4 hours and he knew he had to keep his distance, so phoning his sister was a great excuse why he was hiding in his bunk.

The curly haired boy tried to decide what he was going to do with the rest of this day because he started to feel really restless after having slept for so many hours. Which Harry still wanted to know how this happened.

Maybe a little walk would help him clear his mind and settle his anxious and nervous mind. Yes, that sounded like a great plan. Fresh air and some soft music always helped him clear the mess in his head.

Harry threw away the thick duvet, yes it was summer, but he was unbonded and therefore always freezing, sue him.

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed and wanted to stand up, but when he tried to put any weight on his legs and moved his body the tiniest bit off the bed, he immediately started to see black dots clouding his vision and he got so dizzy he had to lie back down and close his eyes to not throw up on the spot.

_What the hell was this?_

When Harry tried to lie back in his original spot, he also suddenly felt how _sore_ his whole body was. Literally every bone and muscle in his body were hurting and he wanted to cry so badly. He wasn’t used to this amount of pain at all because usually he was taking extra meds that prevent the pain that was caused by the side effects of his pills.

Right now, it felt as if he was feeling all the pain of the past six years at once. _God, shit, this was bad, bad, bad_. He squeezed his eyes even tighter together and willed the wave of nausea away. Fuck, he was going to be sick and he couldn’t even get up. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t be sick all over the bed because how the fuck was he going to explain this to literally anyone? This would only end in the gossip rags again and he was definitely not in the right headspace to deal with bad gossip right now. He was barely keeping himself from dropping as it was.

Oh, dropping.

This would be a fucking nice thing to do right now. It would take his pain away and soothe the nausea and the hurricane of thoughts and anxiety in his head. If only he wasn’t all on his own and could just let go. But he couldn’t do that. It was too dangerous. What if he couldn’t get back up on his own and he would be stuck in the dark place? No, this was far too terrifying for Harry to even consider. Not that he ever had been in the light and soft place but you know, he heard the stories as well and he wanted nothing more than to feel it for himself.

God, Harry needed to get a grip. If management knew he so much as entertained these kind of thoughts he would owe them a shit ton of money. Yes, his life was a bloody joke.

But, he really, really wished he could just stop this pain. It was overwhelming him. All lot has been overwhelming him lately. And he was really over it.

Harry sighed to himself and started massaging the sides of his head in hopes it would release some of the pressure he was feeling in his head. Shit, this really hurt.

He somehow needed to get to the bathroom where his meds were sitting in his toiletry bag. He seriously needed painkillers and soothers because the possibility of accidentally dropping and escaping the situation became more and more apparent and he couldn’t risk it.

The youngest kept his eyes shut for a few more minutes and when he was positive the nausea had subsided at least a bit, he slowly opened them again.

The black spots seemed to be gone too, thank God.

Harry tried sitting up again but slowed his movements down and took his sweet time to get up. When he was finally standing, he took a few deep breathes because his tummy was really not happy with his decision to get up.

“Get yourself together, Harry,” he whispered to himself because apparently his voice also wasn’t cooperating today. Okay, then.

Harry was more and more grateful for the fact that they weren’t having a show that night because he was pretty certain he wouldn’t be able to even stand for longer than five minutes.

What the fuck did he catch? Please let it be just a 24 hour thing, he really couldn’t feel like this when they were on the road. He would pass out five minutes into the bus ride. And god knows what his pheromones would do when he was feeling weak and sick and his pack was in close proximity.

Nope, bloody nightmare that was.

Harry shook his head, and immediately regret it when a new wave of dizziness came over him and this time he couldn’t stop it. He rushed to the bathroom and prayed he wouldn’t actually pass out here and brain himself on the bathtub or something but he couldn’t keep the sick at bay anymore.

A moment later, Harry was leaning over the cold porcelain of the toilet and emptied his stomach violently. It was basically nothing more than dry heaving because he hadn’t been hungry at all last night and so the last thing he had gotten in his system was the glass of rosé he had after the show. But he never had such a reaction to _one_ glass of wine. What the fuck was wrong with his body? Harry knew he wasn’t the biggest drinker and he just couldn’t hold his alcohol quite as well as the other boys due to nature but he wasn’t that much of a light weight. Jesus Christ, Harry didn’t bloody understand the world anymore.

When he felt like there was nothing left in him that could come up he tried to sit up again and flushed the toilet. He really needed to clean his teeth and get rid of the acidic taste in his mouth but he was scared to have the terrible dizziness back as soon as he was trying to stand up again. He still wasn’t sure how he even made it into the bathroom.

After sitting on the cold floor tiles for a few more minutes, Harry was quite certain the worst of the nausea must have gone for now, so he stood up slowly and gripped the sink immediately to steady himself. When he looked in the mirror, he actually quietly gasped. He looked absolutely _horrendous_. He was white as a ghost, the bags under his eyes had a sickly lilac colour, his eyes were blood shot and red and his whole body was laced with goose bumps.

Now, he definitely thanked god they didn’t have anything on their schedule today and tomorrow. Bloody hell, no wonder he slept for that long??

He really had the worst luck in the world, didn’t he? How was it possible for one person to be this unlucky?

Was this his punishment for going against management? He had two great nights with his boys and he was rewarded with a nasty flu for it? Yeah, sounded exactly like Harry’s luck.

Shit, he really wished he could call them over and demand cuddles and for them to take care of him. He was pretty certain just having them around and being surrounded by their smells would soothe his body enough to relax and loosen up his horribly tense muscles. A nap in the middle of pack sounded like a bloody dream right now.

And the worst thing was. Harry _knew_ he couldn’t want that. Shouldn’t even think about it if he was honest. But the last two days reminded him of what it could be like if he were actually part of the pack and he was _craving_ it. Before, he was used to the coldness and being alone because he had practiced it for 4 years but unfortunately his body immediately latched on the feeling of the past 48 hours and adapted to it completely.

_Stupid fucking nature. Stupid fucking hormones._

He definitely needed to get a grip. Right fucking now.

Harry brushed his teeth and took his meds including a double dose of soothers which should calm him down enough to at least settle back in bed and calm down his restlessness.

How he was feeling this exhausted and in pain and was yet this restless would forever be a mystery to the young boy.

When he was done with this, he walked over to his suitcase and kneeled down in front of it. He opened it up and started rummaging around. On the very bottom of the bag he found what he was looking for. His favourite jumper. Which was possible the oldest and most worn piece of clothing he owned. But he loved it more than anything else and he would never get rid of it.

It was an old light blue hoodie that was at least three sizes too big on Harry’s small frame but it felt like _home_ whenever he allowed himself to wear it. And if that hoodie was Louis’ and Harry stole it out of his moving boxes the day he left their flat in Princess Park, no one but Harry had to know. Louis had never even asked for it so Harry was not feeling bad about it. He just needed something that smelled of his alpha and that would stay with Harry. And the light blue colour of the fabric was an exact replica of Louis’ eyes which was what sealed the deal. Of course, Harry only permitted himself to wear it when he was all alone (because even after all this time he wasn’t keen on explaining Louis why exactly he stole a simple ass hoodie) and only if he was in distress or pain. So, all of those boxes were ticked, therefore, he quickly put it on and wrapped his arms around himself. Harry desperately wished it would still hold the smell of coffee and cinnamon, but the memory had to be enough.

Without another thought, he traipsed over to his bed and sank bank into the sheets. As soon as he was wrapped in the fluffy blankets again, darkness in form of sleep came back to him and if you later asked him about it he would tell you how grateful he was to not feel this pain any longer.

○○○

The next time Harry was pulled to consciousness was when a shrill loud tone rang through the room. The 22 year-old snapped open his eyes and tried to remind himself of where the fuck he was. When the insistent ringing stopped, he was finally able to open his burning eyes. Harry looked at the ceiling and tried to locate where the ringing came from when it started up again.

Groaning Harry sat up and immediately wanted the darkness to swallow him back again. His headache was even worse than yesterday if this was even _possible_. Where did this bloody pain come from?

_And why was this ringing not stopping?_

Harry opened his eyes again and squinted against the sun that was shining directly in his face. And what? It was past four when he fell asleep, how was it possible for the sun to be this high in the sky right now?

Wait, what time was it?

Before he could grab his phone, he turned his head and finally saw where the horrible sound was coming from. The hotel phone was ringing. Who was calling him over the reception? His phone was a much safer way to reach him.

He reached his aching arm out and grabbed the phone with struggle.

“H-hello?”, Harry whispered into the phone struggling to find his voice.

_“_ _FUCKING FINALLY! Styles, where the fuck were you and why are you not answering your phone?”_ , a very angry voice screeched in his ear.

_Ow._

“Uhm, I-I was asleep?”, Harry asked uncertainly, “B-but who is this?”, he remembered to ask because what if this was a pap? Fuck. He was not awake enough for this.

_“Who this is? This is your bloody manager! And now tell me why the fuck you’re not picking up your phone??We’ve been trying to reach you for hours! You know, you are not to be absent and we have to get a hold of you day and fucking night!”_ , the voice, or rather _Katelyn_ , one of their managers yelled. Yeah, of course how could he not recognise this delicate voice of hers?

Harry had no strength whatsoever to deal with her. She was one of the higher ups, basically Simon’s watch dog and one of the most horrible people Harry had ever met. And now he had her yelling in his ear without coffee or meds in his system.

“I-I told you, I was asleep. I just took a nap, I didn’t hear my phone, my apologies,” Harry replied and trying to focus.

_“I don’t bloody care about your excuses. Try for once to not fuck up, constantly. Marco told me about your latest escapades and you have a lot of explaining to do,”_ she threatened. Harry swallowed nervously. This didn’t sound good.

“I, uhm, what,” Harry’s mind was not working at all. What was she talking about? _What did he do now?_

_“Stop acting so bloody innocent and mighty! You know exactly what happened and Simon is less than impressed with you. We expect you in the New York Headquarters tomorrow at noon, be here on time. You are not to talk to the others about this meeting. And you better not be seen by anyone. Marco will have more instructions for you,”_ and then she hung up.

Harry pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at it incredulously.

“What was that?”, Harry whispered to himself. And also, tomorrow? He still had a day off tomorrow and they were leaving for New York at 10 in the morning, he would never manage to be in the office at noon? And what the fuck happened that was bad enough to call in a secret meeting?

Because he _knew_ it would be one of those since he was not allowed to even tell the others about it. And usually this wouldn’t be a problem because usually they weren’t paying attention to him but what if this time it was different? What if the boys actually wanted to spend time with him and wanted to include him in the pack activities?

God, this entire week was just too much.

Harry decided to first check his phone and see why they weren’t able to reach him because he always made sure to have his phone on him for this exact reason.

When he clicked on his lock button and the display stayed dark, Harry knew why that was. The battery was dead. But he still had battery when he fell asleep earlier? How was this possible?

Honestly, if he didn’t know better, Harry would think he entered an alternative universe where everything was just more confusing and _stranger_ than in reality.

He really needed to get a grip on this situation. But this headache was doing him in and he could feel the nausea resurface just due to the fact that he was awake. Fun times.

Harry wished he could go back to sleep but he had to pack and get ready for New York, and he definitely needed to sort himself out before he met Simon and the team because they just loved to latch on every single piece of insecurity and sadness in Harry and make him feel even more weak and vulnerable than he was on a usual basis.

The curly haired boy plugged his phone in and waited until it turned on again. As soon as his lockscreen had loaded, he gasped at his phone _again_. It was already Wednesday?? What the hell? Did he really just basically sleep for two days? What was wrong with his body?

Well, this explained why it was _this_ sunny, why Katelyn couldn’t reach him and why he was going to New York _tomorrow_.

This situation, whatever it even was, was far too overwhelming for Harry’s nervous and distressed mind. If he was honest, he needed at least two weeks to de-compress and space and just not being on tour to try and get his footing again.

He still didn’t even know how everything went to shit like this, but he knew he would just give up this time if it wasn’t for the small flame of affection that was still warming him faintly. The boys’ scent still lingered in his senses and the knowledge that there still was some kind of interest in him, was literally the only thing why he was even going to that idiotic meeting.

Because only listening to management would ensure that Harry still had something to get back to. If he wasn’t behaving, they would cut all his ties to the band and the boys immediately and he was literally forbidden to ever approach them again _by law_. Management really made sure to get him the most fool proof contract they could come up with.

So, no matter how weird the past week was, he knew he finally had to get a grip and distance the boys from himself again to make sure he could stay with them.

Harry decided a long time ago, it was better to have his pack ignore him, be angry with him or make fun of him than not having his pack at all.

Therefore, he got out of bed and started packing his stuff and taking at least one too many daytime soothers to make sure his mind stopped working in overdrive when his body was still in agony.

And when he acted like he didn’t see the various text messages from Niall asking him what he was up to and whether he wanted to watch rom coms with him, it was no one’s business but his and his hurting heart’s.

Just a short few hours and shit ton of painkillers later, Harry left the hotel on his own and was brought to the airport where he was to board Simon’s private plane, so they had complete control of his arrival.

And when he shut off his phone after he landed in New York and got his schedule for the next day, just to check into the hotel and cry himself to sleep (not only because of the physical pain his body was still feeling, but also the emotional distress he felt due to the distance to his pack), it was also no one’s business but his own.

○○○

Waking up alone in a new hotel, was probably one of the worst feelings for anyone but especially someone unbonded and vulnerable as Harry. Sure, he was usually always alone in a room because the times where Louis willingly shared one had ended long time ago. But he still had the boys and Paul on the same floor and knew that if something happened to him they were able to come and safe him. Even if they weren’t on speaking terms, Harry was certain Louis and Liam would come to his rescue if something happened. They weren’t able to actually smell his distress (thank god) but alphas still felt if people close to them were in danger. So long story short, Harry felt extremely alone and empty.

He couldn’t supress a tiny whimper leaving his mouth and he tensed. Stuff like this could not happen to him. He was usually much better in repressing shit like that. But hey the past four days have been the strangest Harry had ever experienced so he wasn’t really surprised.

His second alarm stopped his thoughts from spiralling, but the nerves immediately came back when he remembered where he was expected in just three hours.

Harry was wondering if the boys had realised he already left Boston. He wished he knew how their reactions were, so he could prepare himself.

The 22 year-old hoped, they maybe didn’t realise it and they would just meet up for soundcheck and he could have one more day of good and love and affection. He was pretty sure he would need it after a meeting with not only the managers but also _Simon_.

Harry sighed and untangled himself from the sheets before getting up. He really hoped the nausea would be gone today because the plane ride was more than no fun while feeling like vomiting for the whole time. And if his stomach wasn’t feeling better later, there was a good chance he would throw up all over Simon Cowell’s desk. This would only be funny if Louis was there too and could laugh his ass off about the whole thing.

While he was getting ready, he was thinking of the reason for this meeting for what felt like the hundredth time because he still hadn’t come to an explanation. They had their scheduled meetings to “check up on him” but this was none of them.

_Did they find out about the pill he forgot to take?_ But how in the world would this have happened? This couldn’t be it. No, Harry refused to believe they were controlling him this much. But what else did he do?

Would they really go so far as calling in a meeting on another continent because he got one, _one_ group hug? It was literally the first tiny bit of physical contact the youngest had with his pack. Were they really this mean and horrible?

Harry chuckled darkly. Of course, they were. Especially Simon Cowell took sick pleasure out of treating Harry like this. He truly was the worst kind of alpha. Mean, controlling, money hungry and disgustingly macho and _man_.

When Harry stood in yet another bathroom, in front of another mirror, still looking and feeling like shit, he wished not for the first time that all those years ago fate hadn’t worked in his favour and he had been sent home. He would now be able to just live his life and be _himself_. He didn’t have to hide and he may already be bonded even.

No feelings of being lonely and empty. No constant distress and the fear of dropping.

Yeah, Harry loved his band and loved the fans but he couldn’t help himself and want the love and safety of a mate.

He got ready, trying to focus on anything else than the pain that was still flooding his body and the cramps his stomach was fighting by now. The last time Harry had cramps was when he was bloody 15, he couldn’t deal with that pain anymore. This kind of pain had been prevented for far too long.

But he didn’t have a choice, he had to appear at Syco HQ and hide how bad he was feeling because otherwise there would be questions he was not going to answer in any shape or form.

○○○

At 11:30am there was a harsh knock on his hotel room door. When Harry opened it, he was met with one of Simon’s drivers. The youngest swallowed nervously. Getting picked up by someone so close to Simon, to make sure he would be there on time, was always a bad sign.

Harry felt like the worst boy on earth and he still didn’t have the slightest idea what he even did wrong.

“You ready, Styles?”, the lanky man asked with a gruff voice.

“Y-yes,” he nodded his head and closed the door behind him. He really wished that at least Paul was with him, so he knew there was someone playing in his field.

The drive to the office was uncomfortably silent. Harry wanted to be somewhere far, far away. He had a feeling this wouldn’t leave him until the meeting was over.

Stepping into Simon Cowell’s office with a headache and the nausea Harry was feeling, would be sickening enough as it is, but going in there and seeing not only Simon but the other three heads of management looming over him was almost too much already for Harry’s weakened strength and heightened distress. _He should have taken more soothers, why did he not do that? Stupid, stupid, stupid._

He swallowed nervously and cleared his throat as quietly as he could. A push to the back from Simon’s driver let him stumble into the room.

“You made it on time for once in your life, looks like you only manage when we send you a babysitter,” Katelyn said from her place on the right side behind Simon himself who was wearing his signature smirk that let Harry shiver uncomfortably.

“Nah, nah Katelyn, don’t start off so harsh,” Simon said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “let him sit down at least.”

Harry cast his eyes onto the floor, feeling sicker and more anxious by the second. He walked slowly over to the chair that was right in the centre in front of Simon’s desk so all of the managers could look at him easily. As soon as he sat down, he shrunk even further in on himself and put his arms around his stomach to hold himself together.

Those meetings always ended the same with Harry near dropping due to too much stress and the need to flee and cry himself to sleep.

The youngest didn’t dare to make one sound until he was told to speak and so he just set his eyes on the ugly little pencil case Simon has placed near the edge of the desk and waited for the speech to start.

“So, Harry, are you aware why you are here today?”, Simon kicked off the questioning.

Harry swallowed and shook his head.

“Don’t fucking play us Styles!”, Robert, the third one of their managers reacted immediately, “you know exactly what the fuck you did! And now we want a goddamn explanation for this!”, the grey-haired alpha fumed.

“I-I’m sorry, I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Harry answered with an unsure voice.

Katelyn snorted while Robert grabbed his glasses from his nose and started cleaning them angrily.

“We are talking about this,” Simon said and pushed an Ipad in Harry’s hands that showed an article from some kind of gossip magazine.

**_Love A+?_ **

**_Louis Tomlinson (24) and Harry Styles (22) spark flames that have been buried years ago and light up our interest years after the friendship fizzled out!_ **

**_Are the rumours true after all? Is there more to the platonic band mates that meets the eye?_ **

**_Do we have to talk about mates without the band after all?_ **

**_See for yourself and be the judge of that! Find the pictures on page 45!_ **

Harry gripped the tablet harder and felt his blood pressure rise. What the fuck was that? No magazine has written about them in years? _It was literally prohibited, blacklisted, and sent to the Sahara Desert._ He didn’t dare to make a sound pretty sure he was only allowed to speak after seeing the actual pictures.

He felt even sicker than before entering the office. _Oh god, how could this happen?_

As expected Harry was right, just a second later Katelyn walked around the desk and threw several different printed pictures of _Louis and Harry_ on the desk for Harry to inspect.

“Care to explain what we are looking at here?”, Simon growled lowly.

Well, Harry would love to explain this but he was literally shocked to the core over the fact that it was 2020 and he got to see actual pictures of Louis and himself and Louis looked _happy and full of adoration_? What in the bloody fuck? Did he finally drop so hard that he entered an alternate universe?

“Styles, we’re fucking waiting! Explain this shit! What the hell were you thinking?”, Robert barked while leaning over the desk to Harry and sent off aggressive pheromones that brought Harry right back to the situation at hand.

“I-uhm,, I,” Harry tried to collect his thoughts but if he was honest he didn’t know how these pictures came to be. And he said as much to his bosses.

Which was apparently the wrong answer because Robert threw his fist on the desk, which made Harry cower even more and started yelling, “Can’t you answer one fucking question without stuttering and get to the fucking point? You are so goddamn useless and you keep fucking up, I don’t know why we keep your weak ass! Why are we keeping his weak ass, Simon?”

“Rob, calm down, think of your heart. He isn’t worth it,” Katelyn was trying to calm the older alpha down. And Harry had to swallow down the bile. He was used to them talking to him like that but it still hurt.

“Explain these pictures. Now,” Cowell said with calm and coldness that sent shivers down Harry’s back.

The 22 year-old cleared his voice and started playing with the rose ring he was wearing to avoid making eye contact with the bosses, “it was a f-few days ago, after the concert a-and Niall and Liam took the other car and and Louis was just being happy because our writing session went well, uhm they liked my song, and then the show w-was really good. And they were j-just nice and so he walked me back to my r-room. B-but I don’t know where these photos are coming from –“

“Where these pictures are coming from? Shall I tell you where they’re bloody coming from? _Fans_ from _FANS_!! They were waiting for you outside the hotel and you bloody idiot had no other fucking business than walking past them getting all cosy with the man they believe you to fuck! And the _Larry Shippers_ have gone wild the past few days! Do you have any idea how badly you fucked up? The rumour rates where almost _gone_ and now you had to go and be seen flushing like a bloody schoolgirl and set them off again!”, Katelyn screeched with barely hidden anger.

Simon hold up his hand and silenced the other manager for a moment, “Hold on a second. What do you mean _‘they were nice’_? Do _not_ tell me you spent time with them? Even more than this backstage escapade Marco had to let us know about,” the alpha said dangerously low.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, now he fucked up for real._

“Oh, uhm we just had a writing session and Niall wanted to talk to me and I couldn’t say no and we took longer than usual for the writing and we worked on a song I started writing as like a four piece and it was just really good and productive?”, Harry tried to explain without getting them even more mad at him as they already were.

“So, you are telling me you spend more time with them than necessary? How many times do we have to tell you to keep to yourself! What the hell were you thinking?-“

“-he isn’t thinking, that’s the problem I bet he was dripping all over the floor because the alphas actually liked something he came up with,” Katelyn spit with disdain.

Harry repressed a hurtful whimper. Comments like this cut deep. He knew he wasn’t as good as the other when it came to song writing but he didn’t need to hear it time and time again.

“Oh, have I hurt your vulnerable and weak omega feelings now, oh duh duh duh,” the female alpha snorted and Harry flinched in his seat. What he hated even more than these comment was when they actually addressed his gender. Called out what he really was. What they’ve been repressing for six years now.

Because yes. Harry was an Omega.

But he wasn’t allowed to be one. Because it was more than enough to have one O in the band, or so he was told all those years ago. _We need more alphas to protect the omega, Harry. You will be seen as the protector and provider for your pack. You will never have to deal with a heat or the omega pheromones again! You’ll be exactly what your pack needs…_ those words were still ringing in his ears. The promise of a _pack_. With just 16 the promise of a pack where he would be safe and loved was all he wanted next to singing and performing. With just 16 he was fed up with going through heats all on his own for two years and enduring this hellish agony every three months. With just 16 he was still gullible and especially pliable (even for an omega) and he would have agreed to everything that would make him seem grown-up and reliable. With just 16 he believed in the words his mother told him. That _it was for the best, honey, you’ll have so much more freedom and it’s so much safer! All of those alphas will leave you alone and you can focus completely on your career, doesn’t that sound amazing?_

And well, in theory this had sounded _amazing_ but as all promises this also soon turned out to be just some broken lies. Just two years after Harry signed his life and _identity_ away, he saw exactly how broken that promise was. With just 18, Harry didn’t have a heat in two years but still suffered in agony. With just 18, his best friend, his love, his _alpha_ left their shared flat because he couldn’t deal with those rumours _that he would date another alpha_. With just 18, he lost his alpha (who never even was his to begin with) and his promised pack shut him out. With just 18, he was told that he was to stay away from his bandmates because three alphas were more than enough for one omega and he was good on his own. With just 18, management made out of Harry from One Direction, Harry the alpha lothario that loved women and loved to throw them away even more.

Harry played this role for six years now and he still wasn’t able to think in depth about how he changed his whole body for a shot at fame that brought him more pain and loneliness than he had ever anticipated. For six years he supressed his real self and fucked with his body just so the label was getting richer and richer.

In conclusion, having his manager call him out like this and call him _omega_ was the biggest punch to his face since they were the ones who robbed him of _himself_.

To this day, Harry still didn’t understand why it was alright for Niall to be an omega but not for him. But then again, he would never want them to treat Niall like this. Niall was a good person, a good omega. He deserved the world and the world’s best pack. So, Harry just took what they threw at him. Because he knew his pack was safe as long as he did all that and kept away from them.

Harry swallowed another wave of nausea, because he just realised he hadn’t kept them safe the past three days. He set them on management’s radar for giving their time of the day to Harry. Oh, bloody hell, he really did fuck up.

“ _STYLES!_ ”, a booming voice hauled Harry out of the darkest corner of his mind, “fucking hell, what is with you? You are to listen to us when we talk to you. You are such a bad omega,” Robert sneered, voice dripping with sarcasm.

This pushed Harry over the edge. His stomach pulled itself together in the worst cramp yet and he let out the tiniest whimper. He wasn’t able to repress it. _Fuck._

“Oh Jesus Christ, get it together! You are nothing and you know it, don’t act like you haven’t heard this one before,” Katelyn rolled her eyes annoyed.

“That’s right he hasn’t,” Simon interrupted contemplating, “you are still taking your pills, aren’t you?”, he asked the shivering omega.

Harry nodded his head and whispered with a broken voice, “Of course, Mr. Cowell.”

“Well, well, well, then they really seem to lose their effect,” he turned around and looked up to Katelyn, who was still standing behind him with crossed arms, “Marco has reported slight changes in effect and even _scent_ ,” the alpha continued with disdain and the female alpha scrunched her nose in annoyance, “even Higgins contacted me and told me the same thing. How long have they been working for now?”

“Around two years, sir,” Robert answered while swiping through his own Ipad, without a doubt reading through Harry’s medical records.

“What? Only two years? Are you kidding me? That is _nothing_ ,” Simon replied irritated.

“I’m gonna contact Dr. Reese and let him have a look at the charts,” Robert offered and walked out of the room without another word.

“Kate, can you let our provider know that we need a change in medication. They need to make sure the effect is stronger,” Simon directed and Katelyn nodded before pulling out her phone and started typing.

All of this happened while Harry was still sitting there but he might as well hadn’t. It was the same as always. Choices made about his life were done by anyone but himself.

Harry sighed. He really just wanted to go to sleep. This day was already too much and on top of that he was getting new pills again? He only now was working around the side effects and got used to the way they made him feel.

But Harry knew he wasn’t free to go yet. He still hadn’t gotten the punishment for going against the rules.

Simon seemed to realise this in the same moment. He turned back to the young omega.

“Now back to the situation at hand. Harry, Harry, Harry, what am I going to do with you?”, the alpha mused. From behind the boss Harry heard another snort. Harry really, really hated Katelyn, “You have something in mind, Kate?”, Simon reacted to her noise.

“Oh, well I’m just scrolling through the pictures again and our poor Harry seems awfully needy, doesn’t he? Maybe we should give him someone to date again. It’s been a while and someone up and coming would wipe the crowd’s memory of those disgusting pictures,” Katelyn answered with a menacing smirk on her red painted lips.

_Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Not another beard._ Harry would do anything but having another publicised relationship. He thought he was finally free from them. He could barely keep the alpha act up on stage but then doing the same thing with some model who only cared about his knot and money? This was the last thing he wanted _._ But the omega also knew he wasn’t allowed to show any reaction to this because they took sick pleasure out of his distress and showing them how little he wanted that would make the whole outcome ten times worse.

In answer to Katelyn’s suggestion, Simon cackled loudly, “Oh, that is a _brilliant_ idea! You can get to work on this right after the meeting, sweetheart,” Katelyn smiled arrogantly while Harry was about ten seconds away from really vomiting all over the alpha’s desk.

“And _you,_ you will stay away from the others. Same procedure as always. You are not to spend any extra time with them especially as long as you are not taking your new medication. And if I so much as hear a whisper of you getting close to Tomlinson, I will make sure Eleanor makes a reappearance that no one, but the least Louis, wants. I am talking engagement. Are we fucking clear?”, Simon barked with a hint of alpha in his voice. The alpha timbre wouldn’t have been necessary at all. If the angry and dominant scent hadn’t sent Harry into submission, it would have been the threat. He could _not_ be responsible for Eleanor’s reappearance and even worse a fucking engagement. Louis would collapse under this pressure. He was a wreck when he had to fake date this horrible girl for two years. Harry didn’t recognise his Louis during that whole escapade and thinking of him having to do that again and because of Harry and his problems was just too much. No, Harry couldn’t risk that.

“Y-yes, sir we are clear,” Harry answered and bowed his head submissively.

“Good. You are dismissed,” the alpha said with boredom lacing his voice and Harry knew he was done with him.

_Thank god._

“Oh, and Styles,” the alpha added as an afterthought, “this meeting never happened, right?” Cowell looked at Harry over his glasses.

“Of course, Mr. Cowell.”

And with that the omega sprung out of his seat and fled the office as fast as he could.

He needed some time to himself. And well, that were the rules anyway, innit?

○○○

Harry felt worse and worse.

As the day moved along, the symptoms grew stronger and stronger and the omega didn’t know how he would survive the show tonight. He truly hoped the boys would see how unwell he was feeling and would support him during the show. Louis used to know exactly when Harry was running out of breath and would smoothly take over. His former best friend didn’t do it in a long time obviously but usually Harry only fucked his parts up when he wasn’t able to focus due to the side effects of the suppressants. Today was different. Today Harry was actually sick.

His suppressants should prevent him from getting sick in the first place, but he couldn’t explain himself why he was feeling like absolute garbage in hell except for him catching the flu. His body was hurting all over and since he left Simon’s office he felt constantly shaky and dizzy. Of course, the less than pleasant outcome of this meeting and the renewed no contact rule played a part in the shakiness because he knew he would disappoint Niall when he pulled away again after the other omega took the time and sat Harry down to tell him he was still there to listen and love him despite everything.

But then again, those pictures were _not good._ Harry honestly thought Marco said the fans were only in the front of the hotel and so he didn’t even think of the possibility of someone seeing them. No matter that they were just walking next to each other. Or so Harry had thought. Maybe the overload of pheromones had pushed him so close to dropping that he lost a bit more focus than he was allowed to.

So, in conclusion, he had to pay the price now because the only thing that mattered was keeping Louis safe and away from that horrible, horrible woman as well as Simon’s creedy claws. Harry would forever play this charade if he knew that his alpha and his pack were safe. This also meant pushing through the show tonight and just praying his pack would help him out if he was failing.

He was aware he would piss the alphas off and they would be less than impressed with his appearance tonight and he prepared himself for this … but nothing prepared him for what was actually going to happen.

○○○

High on pain meds and soothers, the curly-haired omega entered the venue all on his own since he hadn’t seen any of the boys yet. This was confusing on its own since they tend to at least arrive at the venue together and as far as Harry knew they were actually staying in the same hotel, so it really shouldn’t be different than normal. Sure, they ignored him most of the time and he was forced to do so too but at least he was in company of his alpha and his pack.

But not this time. In fact, he hadn’t even heard a word from any of them since he left for New York the day before. Harry was aware he could text as well, but he was told time and time again that an omega had to stay in lane even if the _“sex stuff”_ was being repressed. That’s why he never really started any text conversation except with Gemma.

Harry walked through the seemingly endless hallways of the backstage area, trying to find his way to the dressing rooms. That was another reason why they always went to the arenas together. Harry was known to get lost constantly and this has for once nothing to do with his omega. It was just a Harry thing and even if the two alphas didn’t know they still needed to make sure every member of the band was where it needed to be.

The fact that the boys didn’t do it this time hurt more than it had every right to be. _Why was he extra sensitive today?_ Harry didn’t understand. Even the soothers didn’t help to calm his anxiety and need to be _held_ and it was doing a number on his already frazzled mind.

When he finally found the dressing room area, which was four different rooms with a big common area in the middle this time around, he wished he had gotten lost for good until the show started.

The omega was met with three icy stares and the bitter and biting scent of anger and irritation. He felt like he was hit in the face with the strength of the pheromones and it was almost too much for his heightened senses yet weakened omega.

“Oh, look who decided to grace us with his _mighty_ presence after all,” Liam said with sarcasm and a healthy dose of rage in his voice.

Harry choked on his spit. What was wrong?

“I-I’m on time, aren’t I?”, the omega asked unsurely. He definitely left the hotel after a nap and a long shower plus bathing in his scent neutralising spray _on time._ He was even too early for soundcheck. He really didn’t know what happened now.

“Don’t act like you’re reliable because we all know you’re not,” Niall mumbled and promptly turned around on the sofa to face the back. Liam immediately started rubbing calming circles on his back to settle him.

Harry was staring at said back incredulously. Like what?

“W-what do you mean?”

“What he means?”, Louis intervened, “ _We_ were called by Robert in the middle of the day. _We_ had to do a surprise performance on our _day off_. _We_ had to meet a shit ton of fans and let us be pulled left and right. _Niall_ dropped after the whole escapade because he was so _stressed_ and _overwhelmed_ because the crowd got too excited. And where were _you_? _You_ were already in blood fucking New York City and enjoying the extra day off! Did you get yourself a nice omega for the night and relaxed in the bloody jacuzzi? I hope you had a grand fucking time!”, the alpha almost yelled livid and sent off more and more irate pheromones. It burned like red chilis in an open wound.

This time Harry really flinched. The omega felt himself pale even more. This couldn’t be it.

“N-no. I-I what? You know I n-never would,” Harry stuttered, trying to keep calm and hold the nausea at bay.

“Oh, do we? I think the fuck not. How would we know? You always let us down!”, Liam growled from the sofa.

Harry felt himself tear up. He had to supress another distressed whimper. This couldn’t be happening right now.

_And why the fuck was it so hot in here?_

The omega didn’t know how to react to this. He wanted to defend himself and tell them exactly what happened. Do anything to make them look less angry. To listen to him. To give him love again. But he wasn’t al-

Harry stopped in his tracks. _Of course. Of fucking course._

Management played him again. And this time even dirtier.

How to make sure Harry wouldn’t go against them again and spend time with the boys (and god forbid be happy)? Force him away and plant lies, lies, and lies. And to make matters even worse, the omega wasn’t _allowed_ to clear things up.

Wow, that was the worst blow in a while. And today of all days.

“You have nothing to say for yourself? Wow, honestly wow. You pulled a lot of shit lately, but not even explaining yourself _or apologising to Niall, the omega in your protection?_ That’s low, Harry, so, so low,” Louis said with an edge to his voice and the bitter tinge of disappointment before he rushed past Harry into his dressing room, closing the door with an ugly bang.

Harry flinched harder. Fuck loud noises were _bad_.

And now Louis _left_.

The younger boy knew it was bad when the alpha left the room and didn’t stay to argue until he was done and just hugged you again. Okay, for Harry the hugs usually fell flat but at least Louis stayed and looked at him angrily until he wasn’t.

Harry couldn’t function right now. His heart was literally beating so wildly, it was hurting. Oh god, he really needed to leave or else there was a great possibility that he was the one who would drop and this couldn’t happen under any circumstances. In reality, he knew his suppressants should also _supress_ a drop but with his current state he wasn’t so sure about that.

But he at least needed to make things with Niall okay. Harry was at fault for Niall being scared and dropping due to his state of mind and for an omega who usually only dropped for pleasure this was a lot to take in. The younger omega had never dropped before; neither alone nor with someone he loved or could see as a mate, so he didn’t even know how it felt to do it in such a good and loved environment but he had heard the stories back in school when they talked about sex and all that jazz in biology.

He slowly made a few steps further into the common area and wanted nothing more than to just run over to the other omega and hug him and _scent_ him in the brotherly and loving way pack members were constantly doing.

And what? When did he last had the urge to scent _anyone_? What the bloody hell was wrong with his hormones? God he was truly over this day. This whole tour if he was completely honest.

He restrained this unspeakable wish and cleared his throat a little bit, “Ni? I-I am so, so sorry, I didn’t know this was going to happen. Please, know I would have nev-“

“Harry, it’d be better if you left him alone for now,” Liam interrupted the younger boy without looking away from his omega.

The curly haired boy just nodded and walked in the direction of his own dressing room while trying to not start crying right then and there.

When he was standing in front of the door, he saw he was right next to Louis’ dressing room. The omega breathed in deeply. Despite the horrible conversation he had just gone through, the alpha’s scent never failed to make him feel less anxious and more settled. And when the desire to scent and shower himself in the smell of warm coffee and cinnamon was even stronger than usual, Harry didn’t even try to hide it.

With the tiniest whimper he entered his dressing room and let the first tear drop as soon as the door was closed.

A good cry should settle his nerves, right?

Upon entering his separate dressing room, the youngest band member literally crumbled, just caved in on himself and hid his face in his hands for a minute.

Just a few more hours and he would be back in bed and this day could finally _finally_ end.

○○○

The show was an absolute disaster. From the moment, Harry had to step out on the huge stage and met the faces of tens of thousands of people, he felt overwhelmed to a point where he couldn’t even breathe properly.

Suddenly all kinds of different smells invaded his senses and made him fell dizzy and like a punching ball to all forms of emotion. His nose wasn’t usually this sensitive and it was annoying him.

But nowhere near as annoying as this fucking heat. It was so bloody hot and Harry was literally drenched in sweat. This was definitely not normal for New York City and the only explanation Harry had was that he was the one with the temperature. Getting a fever in the middle of a concert was the worst thing in the entire world and Harry never wished this on anybody else.

He tried his hardest to deliver but after the first few songs it was clear the omega was 100% useless on stage today and the urge to cry and submit and let someone take over became stronger and stronger. He felt like a rag doll who was this close to getting cut off its strings but at the same time he was on high alert and his nerves felt like they were on fire.

The 22 year-old was not able to focus on anything and least of all on the singing. He failed almost all of his solos and the others had to cover for him throughout the whole concert.

This would end in the next argument and the next bout of hateful comments and disappointment. Not to mention the lecture he would be getting from management for fucking up again. And he also knew the fans would fight on twitter as soon as they saw the footage or heard the stories from the people in the crowd. (Not that Harry ever even looked at his timeline anymore but the thought alone was enough to let him wince silently.)

Still, dealing with management and the fans was something Harry could do. There was still a part of the fandom who actually loved and supported Harry no matter what. The omega would never understand how he deserved this unconditional love but he took literally everything he could get.

However, dealing with the boys was always a whole different thing. Especially, after the escapade from earlier. The youngest was more than certain that it wasn’t a fucking parade that was waiting for him as soon as the last tone was sung. Harry didn’t know if he was even able to go through with this conversation. He was _exhausted_ and so _hot_. He wanted a cold shower and his bed and the AC on full blast.

Stepping of stage, was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. The omega was the first one back in the common room of the backstage area. He made a beeline for the water bottles and drank one of them in one go. _Why was he so thirsty and so hot?_ God this was too much.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?”, Liam called from the hallway.

“I w-wanted to go back to the hotel. I’m tired,” Harry answered unsurely. He really wanted to leave immediately.

“Oh, _you_ are tired? That’s fucking rich. Who of us had to do the extra work not only yesterday but also during the show?! Let me give you a fucking hint, it was not _you_! You fucked off to do god knows what here and now you have the fucking guts to not even pull through for the fans? Honestly, Harry, I’m fucking done,” the brown-eyed alpha growled. He shook his head and turned away.

“Leave him, babe. It’s honestly not worth it. I tried,” Niall mumbled indifferently. And this was probably the most painful thing that could have happened. Harry could deal with all the anger in the world but knowing he really didn’t matter to them anymore was just too much.

Without another thought, he turned around and stormed out of the backstage area. He needed to leave five minutes ago. His condition got worse and worse and he couldn’t show weakness in front of the others. Harry was glad Louis was nowhere to be seen, he wasn’t sure if he could keep it together if he saw him right that moment.

The fever was getting higher and higher and the shivers weren’t leaving Harry anymore. His skin was blotchy and itchy and he felt like something was missing. Something integral that would soothe his frazzled mind and would give him some _relief_.

By the time the omega entered his hotel room again, he was about ready to jump out of his skin. He didn’t want it anymore. He needed something to take the pain away but he didn’t know what would even help him. He was fucking clueless and overwhelmed and _alone_. The omega suddenly didn’t want to be alone.

Unfortunately, he was on his own and he had to deal with this himself.

Harry closed his eyes and let out the loud painful whimper he had been holding in ever he was scolded by Louis and Liam before the concert. He not often let himself lose that much control and give in to the urge to make these distressed sounds but he was probably the only soul on the floor in the hotel, the other definitely far, far away from him, so he let himself have it.

He wasn’t lying when it took a bit of the pressure of his chest. The anxiety and jitters eased up the tiniest bit and he could assess his situation with a somewhat of a clear mind.

This sense of clarity helped him to decide what he should do now.

“First things first, fresh air,” Harry mumbled and walked on shaky legs over to the balcony doors, opening them and welcoming in the fresh and gloriously cool night air. He tried to inhale as much of the neutral and crisp air as he could. His lungs really felt like they were on fire and he desperately needed this chill.

_Coldness, that sounded heavenly,_ the omega thought and immediately stripped off his soaked stage clothes which he never even changed out of after the concert. He traipsed into the bathroom where he had already laid out all of his products when he had arrived the night before. Without looking into the mirror, knowing he would just be met with the picture of an utter mess, he climbed into the huge glass shower and put the rain shower on. Set on the coldest setting, the water was literally freezing but for the overheated omega it felt like the first moment of relief and lightness since the pain started two days ago.

Harry lost all sense of time while standing under the cool and calming spray. He never would have left when the shivers hadn’t come back full force sometime later. The curly-haired boy decided it would probably be better to step out of the icy water before he signed his death sentence by catching worse than just the flu.

Not a minute after stepping out of the shower his skin immediately started prickling again and the goose bumps and shivers were back instantly. Harry rolled his eyes in annoyance but immediately regretted it when a wave of dizziness was the result of that. His body was truly done for, Jesus Christ. He gripped the edges of the sink and tried to focus again.

But well, apparently focusing was also getting impossible.

Harry was getting scared as fuck by now and the anxiety he tried to keep at bay was growing as well. He just didn’t understand what was happening and he desperately wanted answers. And even more than that he wanted an alpha. And not any alpha, he wanted his alpha.

“Louis,” Harry whispered and felt a really bad shiver running through his body which made him whimper again. Damn, he never wanted him more than now. His inner omega winced.

The omega closed his eyes tightly and tried to ban the thoughts that were playing in his mind. He really couldn’t go there, not when his soothers weren’t working and he was in a bloody hotel room. He was definitely not strong enough to fight off the want or the need in his current condition.

Instead of thinking and hurting his head, he pulled Louis’ old jumper back on and walked over to the bed. He was fully aware of this absolute nonsense of wearing a bloody hoodie while burning from the inside up but he never said he was being rational. His inner omega demanded to wear something of its alpha and at least this was something Harry could provide for them. So, he pulled the soft stretchy old material over his still soaking wet curls and curled into it as far as he was able to.

Dropping on his bed that was still unmade and rumpled from his after-meeting-nap, he decided the only thing that would help was another nap. He shut his eyes again and hoped he would be pulled into the darkness, so the pain would _stop_. The omega was this close to losing consciousness and getting some much needed rest when there was a loud banging on his door.

Harry flinched and pulled his body back into a sitting position.

_Who in god’s name was that,_ he groaned quietly. For a moment he contemplated to just ignore it. Harry was sure it was Paul who was doing his nightly check-ups on the boys and the crew before retiring to bed himself and he should know Harry was far too sick to be anywhere else than his bed.

But the knocking didn’t stop. And this was unusual for Paul.

However, before the curly-haired boy could react in any shape or form there was another aggressive knock, this time combined with an equally angry growl. His inner omega was shrinking in on itself and another quiet whimper was making its way out of Harry’s mouth.

“Harry, I bloody know you are in there, so don’t play deaf! You better open that door right fucking now, or I will open it myself!”

And fuck. _Fuck_. Was that _Louis?_

Oh, no, no, no. He was the last fucking person Harry could handle right now, he was already dangerously close to forget every precaution and just drop to leave this awful situation but with Louis thrown into the equation Harry didn’t know what would happen next.

He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the alpha away.

When the knocking didn’t stop, the younger boy opened his mouth and willed every bit of strength to make his voice heard, “I’m not feeling well, Louis. You shouldn’t be here. Please go,” he tried.

From the other side of the door, Louis snorted incredulous.

“I definitely should be. As the bloody pack alpha, I have the duty to keep my pack safe and healthy and you are not helping here at all! Niall is the one who feels worse and worse because the whole situation is so stressful for his inner omega that he has trouble to keep it at bay. So, don’t fucking tell me you are the one who doesn’t feel well!”, the alpha got louder and louder the longer he talked and Harry started to worry that he would grasp the attention of other people who would come running to see if the alpha needed help.

Harry felt himself getting more nervous and overwhelmed by the second. And he just couldn’t _think_. How was it possible for this day to become even worse?

“Please, Louis, j-just go. It’s late you should get some rest-“

“I can get some damn rest when I’m dead. For god’s sake, let me in and finally tell me what the fuck is up with you,” Louis growled, and Harry just wanted to leave this continent right about now. His inner omega wanted to submit so badly and let the alpha make it right but Harry wasn’t even allowed to think these thoughts let alone consider them.

The 22 year-old was seriously considering to just drop and let this day end, but then he reminded himself that an alpha could smell when an omega dropped and he wasn’t sure if his stupid suppressants would prevent this. And well, when he dropped now, Louis would definitely know what the hell was going on and then all hell would break lose.

“Harry?! Are you seriously ignoring me right now? Open up!”

Harry walked slowly over to the door of his room and let his forehead rest on the cool wood for a moment. The dizziness still got worse. How this was even possible was a mystery to the boy.

“Please, Lou,” the nickname falling from his lips without him being able to stop it, “don’t. I-I don’t want you to catch whatever this is. I don’t want to make you sick,” he mumbled just loud enough for Louis to hear it.

The alpha must have felt that Harry was closer because the insistent knocking stopped for a moment and Harry could make out a deep sigh from behind the door.

Harry hoped the other man would give up and leave him alone. Suddenly he heard a peeping sound which was coming from Louis’ side and Harry assumed it must be the alpha’s phone. Maybe it was something really important, more important than Harry in any way, and Louis would leave.

It was completely still outside his room, and Harry started to think, he was finally alone again when he heard an unbelieving scoff and the knocking started again.

Harry jerked away from the door and caved in on himself. God, it was so _loud_ and _hot_ and _too much._ _Sensory overload,_ the voice in his head helpfully added.

Harry didn’t have to deal with this in such a long time, he didn’t even know how to react to it anymore.

“Styles, open that bloody door, you fucking owe us an explanation-,” Louis thundered and Harry curled in on himself even more when he made out a hint of alpha in Louis’ voice.

_Shit, shit, shit._ Alpha timbre was the fucking last thing Harry needed right now. His throat got tighter and tighter and breathing became incredibly hard.

But something in him didn’t let him disobey this order. He felt the demanding urge to follow it and do what his alpha wanted.

He walked back over to the door and opened it the tiniest bit, hoping Louis wouldn’t actually see in what state he was in or worse would see his hoodie and would demand another explanation of why Harry was stealing clothes and keeping them for years.

“-I can’t believe you would honestly do this! Is this some kind of joke to-,” he stopped himself abruptly and smelled the air for moment, before squinting his eyes irritated,”-oh, you are not bloody telling me you have this fucking omega in there right now! You fucking asshole, open that door right now!”

But Harry didn’t react, couldn’t. He was frozen, completely frozen.

“I swear to god, open this bloody door, Harry!”

The alpha pushed against the hotel room door and the overwhelmed omega stumbled backwards. With another push, the door was open wide enough for Louis to enter Harry’s room. He closed the door with a slight bang but Harry still didn’t react.

He didn’t react because his brain was short circuiting. Louis was here.

_Louis was here and he smelled so fucking good._ Harry wanted to climb in his arms and drink in the alpha’s gorgeous smell. _Mine,_ his inner omega whispered.

Through the ever growing fog, Harry suddenly heard Louis irritated voice again. _Why was his alpha so angry? Was Harry not a good omega?_

“Where the fuck is the omega, Harry? Honestly, stop testing me or you won’t have a very comfortable night. This was honestly the cherry on top!”

_Wait a second, what is Louis talking about? There wasn’t another omega in the room?_

Harry opened his mouth, that was feeling like it was filled with wool, and tried to speak up, “W-what omega? There isn’t-“

“Oh, so you fucked her and sent her away? Or is she just your new arm candy?”, the alpha snorted incredulously.

Harry was lost to the world. _Because what?_

The younger boy shook his head minutely and tried to distance himself from Louis. The alpha’s scent and stance made Harry nervous.

“W-what arm candy? I don’t-,” Harry wasn’t even able to finish his question because the other man was obviously so done with him that he interrupted again, “Oh c’mon, Styles. Don’t act like fucking bambi! You know exactly what I am talking about. That new random girl you met here in New York and left us hanging for high and dry in Boston!”, Louis fumed.

_What girl?_

“There isn’t a girl?”, Harry said confusedly. His inner omega was starting to whimper louder and louder because his alpha obviously wasn’t here to help and make it better. No he was here to yell at Harry and sent out angry and jealous pheromones. Why Louis would have to be jealous was a secret to Harry but lately the omega didn’t understand a lot of things.

“And what the fuck is that then? Liam just sent me this,” Louis laughed darkly, “to me it looks like you had a grand old time and she is giving you the whole ass attention of the public _again_.”

Louis pushed his phone into Harry’s hands and immediately stepped back as if he couldn’t stand being close to the omega at all.

Harry winced quietly. The knowledge hurt more than usual.

But when he looked down on the phone in his hands, the wince turned into a shocked sound. This couldn’t be real. What he saw, was a picture of him walking down the street, clearly taken that day on his way to the _meeting._ But it wasn’t right. It wasn’t the real picture. Because next to him was a woman. And Harry knew for a fact that he was all alone from the car to the entrance of the building and he was _not_ in company. However, this photo was showing him and some random ass model having a grand old time walking next to each other. And even worse, the photo was _tweeted_ by said model. Liam obviously took the screenshot on twitter and sent it to Louis like that. But how the fuck did this happen?

“This isn’t real,” Harry whispered more to himself than anything else, but Louis must have heard it anyway if the disbelieving grunt was anything to go by.

“And how exactly can this not be real? Honestly, Harry, don’t fucking try and fool me. You obviously got your days off and left us hanging with more work. This is just fucked up. But that’s nothing new, isn’t it?”, the alpha murmured darkly.

Harry wished he was able to explain how little was actually real when it came to Harry Styles, but he couldn’t risk it.

However, it looked like management went through faster with the new gf story than Harry had anticipated. The omega thought he had at least another _day_ to prepare himself for the new wave of lies and shit. But apparently, management now didn’t even steer clear of photoshopping bloody pap shots with beards anymore. Wow, that was a new low even them.

He wanted nothing more than to set things straight with Louis and explain him how fake this was. In fact, his inner omega was begging him to appease the alpha.

_Show your alpha how wrong he is! You need him to make it better, to take the pain away!_

“Do you seriously have nothing to say to you defence? You just go around and get laid, being happy as a clam while your pack is working more and more and making up for your _lack_ of work? This is just so fucked up. God damnit, do you even want to be in this band or are we just not cool enough for Mr. Hollywood anymore?”, Louis huffed disappointed.

And that was just too much. Of course, Harry didn’t want to leave the band. He would never leave his pack. He loved them with his whole entire being. And he needed to get this point across to Louis. The last thing Harry could handle was his boys thinking he wanted to leave them. His heartbeat picked up more and more and his blood was literally boiling. His nerves felt like they were on fire and he didn’t know how to tell Louis that he was so _wrong_ about everything. He got it all wrong.

“T-this is not it. I don’t w-want to leave, Lou. You got it all wrong,” Harry whispered.

“Then fucking tell me what your deal is because Niall and Liam are also about done with your behaviour!”, the alpha timbre sneaked back into his voice and Harry all but pressed back the whimper that was threatening to leave his mouth.

Harry swallowed harshly, “I-I can’t tell you,” he replied. And this was obviously the wrong thing to say because Louis threw his hands up in the air and let out another unbelieving growl. All this growling was messing with Harry’s already overworked mind.

“What the fuck, Harry? Do you even _hear_ yourself?! I can’t fucking believe you! You are the biggest jerk in the fucking world, I swear to god. You want us to believe you and treat you as a member of our pack but then you go behind our back, _use_ us, and then not even have the fucking balls to _explain_ and _apologise_ to us? Do you have any idea how bloody disrespectful this is? And not even this, you also go as far as let down the omega in your protection who already deals with stress and exhaustion just so you get you fucking knot wet! Honestly, if this doesn’t change immediately, you won’t have a place in this pack for much longer!”, Louis’ alpha voice got stronger and louder the longer he was ranting.

And Harry. Harry was this close to imploding. The fogginess in his head became steadily worse but he knew he needed to make sure Louis knew the pack was the only thing that mattered to him. He felt sick to his stomach. So, so sick.

“I’m s-sorry, Lou, p-please don’t think that.”

“Is that the only thing you can say? Your sorry’s aren’t cutting it anymore. They’re just empty. Empty as your fucking promises,” Louis shook his head and crossed his arms.

“Louis, please-“

“No! It’s honestly enough. I don’t believe anything that comes out of your mouth and I’m fucking fed up with your shit. You only care about yourself, you egoistic asshole!”, Louis yelled.

And that was it. He couldn’t keep it together anymore. The whimper that had been building up for the past few minutes finally broke loose.

The omega startled himself with the intensity of the sound. And so did Louis. The alpha looked at Harry appalled.

“Are you being serious right now? Whimpering like an omega to get out of that situation? Jesus, that really is low. How fucking weak are you, Harry? You are the worst fucking alpha in the world it really is laughable, I swear to god,” the older boy exclaimed with a hollow chuckle.

Harry looked at the man he loved for a second before he realised how badly he fucked up this time.

The nausea hit him out of nowhere and the omega couldn’t keep it down. He dashed into the bathroom and threw up everything that was in his stomach. Truthfully, it was only water and coffee but _fuck_ it burned. Suddenly, he felt the tears streaming down his face and he whimpered pitifully.

God, this was the most embarrassing day of his life. He just wanted to die, and by the pain and fire cursing through his body, there was a good chance this was in the cards right now.

A moment later he felt someone behind him. Louis followed him into the bathroom. He might be done with Harry but he still had a heart and he still was the pack alpha. The urge to keep safe was still bigger than the anger after all.

Harry had the feeling that it was really, really not good that Louis was currently in here, but by now he wasn’t able to think about anything anymore.

He started to lose touch to reality. It almost felt like he was going to drop. God, he wanted to, especially if it happened in Louis’ strong arms.

A sudden gasp reminded Harry that he was still leaning over the toilet.

_Wait, why was he here?_

“Harry?”, a voice behind him whispered full of shock, “Oh my god, Harry…”

_Oh, right his alpha was there._

“Lou? What’s going on? Why is it so hot in here?”, the omega whispered, dizziness almost swallowing him up completely. With great difficulty, he turned his head to look at his former best friend.

The alpha’s mouth dropped and he quietly sniffed the air for a second time. He eyed Harry from head to toe and made a tentative step in the direction of the shaking omega who was still sitting on the floor.

Harry didn’t know what to make out of this situation and his mind was getting foggier by the second. _Why was his alpha only staring at him but not doing anything? Did Harry do something wrong? Was he a bad omega?_

The younger boy couldn’t deal with the tension at all and let out the tiniest whimper full of distress and confusion. Despite the sound being so, so quiet, the alpha registered it and immediately snapped out of his stupor.

Without wasting another second, Louis jumped into full alpha mode. Forgotten was the anger and disappointment from just moments ago.

“Harry, love, can you tell me how you are feeling?”, Louis’ now soft and gentle voice was ringing through the fog in Harry’s head. The omega’s attention was zeroed in on the warm and loving rasp and he just wanted to be held.

Another whimper left his mouth. His alpha was still standing at the bathroom door, too, too far away. He wanted him right next to him.

“Can I come closer, darling?”

Harry nodded. Yes, yes, yes, closer sounded incredible. Great idea.

Louis walked the last few steps over to Harry who couldn’t grasp one clear thought anymore. He just knew something wasn’t right and that he was being bad. But he couldn’t remember what happened and he got more and more worked up. Harry starting panting and suddenly the sweat started breaking out again. He felt _wet_ all over.

“W-what is g-going on, Lou? It hurts and it’s so wet,” he looked at the alpha cluelessly. The alpha crouched down right in front of the frightened boy.

“It’s alright, Hazza. Don’t be scared, you’re safe with me,” Louis whispered and looked about a second away from putting him right into his shirt to protect him. Harry wouldn’t object.

“You protect me, Lou?”, the confused omega asked.

“Yes, yes of course, honey. I’ll protect you. Can I touch you?”

All of these questions were too much for Harry. He just needed his alpha.

“Lou, it hurts,” he replied.

“What hurts?”, Louis asked with a worried edge and closed the last of the space between him and Harry.

“Everything. Can you make it better?”, the omega asked with a small pout.

“Tell me what’s wrong and I promise I make it better.”

“So hot, everything is so hot a-and it hurts,” Harry mumbled, swaying closer to the enticing coffee and cinnamon which was gradually getting stronger and mixing with the vanilla and orange blossom that was hanging thick in the air.

And suddenly Harry felt a soft, small hand on his cheek.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Louis was _touching_ him. How was this happening? How did Harry deserve this?

Harry didn’t understand anything anymore, but he didn’t care, just that simple touch felt so fucking good.

He heard another gasp and the hand touched his sweaty forehead before starting to stroke his jaw, “Oh, darling. You really are burning up, let me get you some water,” Louis continued while starting to stand up again.

“N-no, don’t leave me, a-alpha,” Harry almost yelled immediately feeling more distressed again.

“Shh, darling, shh, I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right with you,” Louis replied and sat down on the floor, “What do you want?”

“Cuddles?”, the omega whispered unsurely.

“Of course, sweetheart, c’mere,” Louis exclaimed hurriedly and pulled the shaking omega on his lap. Harry immediately curled into his alpha, sighing contently. This was where he wanted to be all along, “You can scent me, lovely,” Louis offered and started playing with Harry’s curls.

“A-are you sure?”, Harry asked and Louis winced painfully.

“Yes, of course, Hazza, here get your cute little nose right over here,” the alpha said with a fake lightness to his voice which the omega didn’t really register. All his mind could focus on was that he was allowed to scent his alpha. After all this time, he finally got his biggest wish granted.

Without wasting another moment, the omega pushed his nose into Louis’ scent gland and started scenting him unapologetically.

“So good, t-thank you, alpha,” Harry moaned quietly.

“Always, my love, always.”

However, a moment later Harry stopped his scenting and whimpered again.

“What’s wrong? Tell me, Hazza,” Louis asked with the worry back in his voice.

“It burns so bad, Lou. Even more now. And it’s so wet, everything is wet. I don’t know w-what’s happening to me. Please, please do something,” Harry whimpered pitifully.

“I make it go away I promise. Can I scent you, sweetheart? Let me see what’s wrong?”

Harry nodded, too overwhelmed with the thought of Louis _scenting_ him to be able to speak.

This time, Louis pressed his nose into Harry’s scent gland and the sensation was nothing like Harry ever felt before. Before he could stop himself, the omega moaned high pitched and pressed himself even closer to Louis. The feeling was breath-taking but at the same time Harry was finally able to take what felt like the first real breath in hours. His body crumpled in on itself like a ragdoll but Harry felt like his nerves were lit up with want and _need_.

“Lou-,” he rasped while pushing his bum closer to where his inner omega wanted it.

“Oh, baby, you are in heat, aren’t you?”, his alpha asked, not anticipating a real answer, now knowing how gone Harry actually was.

“N-need you, Alpha,” Harry whispered brokenly.

And with that he fell into his first real heat in over six years.


	3. Three.

When Harry re-gained consciousness, it took him several minutes to remember where he even was.

Why was it already light outside again? Did he really just fall asleep after the show and now it was the next day already? Harry was so not ready to face a new day so soon.

Harry pulled his arm out of the duvet, he was completely wrapped in, to reach for his phone. As soon as he moved, he realised his body was sore. Completely. Did the flu now just take over his whole entire body?

He sat up slowly and finally grabbed his phone to see what time it was. But as usual his phone was dead. Everybody act surprised.

Harry let his eyes wander through the room to see where he left his charger. He couldn’t find it anywhere, but what he saw made his eyebrows furrow in question. On the dresser next to the door were several empty water bottles as well as empty plates? On the floor next to the dresser, he saw at least 10 new bottles of water as well as a bag that definitely didn’t belong to him. He turned to the other side of the room and saw more blankets and fresh sheets lying on the loveseat near the balcony doors which were open and let in fresh morning air?

And why was the other side of the bed unmade? Why were the sheets completely destroyed?

Harry felt himself getting anxious. Did he accidentally go into the wrong room? Was he so out of it from the pain that he honestly missed his own damn room? Was he finally losing his damn mind?

But no, his luggage was standing in the corner and he could smell himself.

Wait a second …

Harry stopped in his tracks.

_Why_ was he able to smell himself?

Harry swallowed nervously. This was not good. He wasn’t allowed to leave out the scent neutralising spray in case housekeeping would smell it and talk. The youngest boy’s vanilla and orange blossom scent wasn’t something one could call subtle either. So, he was in big trouble. He felt his stomach pull itself together slowly and his scent became stronger the more he was thinking about it.

“Fuck,” Harry whispered stressed. He needed his spray immediately and he needed to make sure he sprayed every single piece of furniture in this room before they left the hotel. Maybe he should leave an extra tip on the coffee table so no one would spill anything. God, he hasn’t been awake for more than five minutes and he was already ready to go back to bed.

And speaking of it? He still felt so, so tired. Almost as he had been doing extreme physical work, which would also explain his sore muscles. But he literally hadn’t worked out in a week. He was far too busy fucking up his relationship with the band.

The omega sighed and felt sadness adding into the nervous trembling of his stomach. Come to think of it, he felt extremely lonely today? He just wanted a cuddle and the feel of someone’s arms around him. Well, not just _someone_ but rather Louis’. His alpha’s.

Yeah, Harry really needed to get a grip. That damn flu fucked not only with his body but also his mind. Another distressed sigh left his mouth.

Maybe some soothers would help him get rid of the jitters and the feeling of being left alone. Slowly, he sat up and unwrapped the covers from his body. When he sat up and swung his legs over the bed, he suddenly heard something outside his door.

The omega tensed up uncomfortably. What was going on here? And why the fuck was the door not completely shut?

Harry immediately started to stress more; something was not right. And he wanted to know immediately what.

He stood up quietly and traipsed over to the door to find out who was outside and what they were doing there.

For once he wished he had the heightened senses of an alpha and would be able to actually hear without straining his ears so much.

“… when can we see him then?”, he heard a low voice mumble with worry and anticipation in their voice.

_Who was that?_

“I don’t know yet, Li. I didn’t have the chance to talk to him yet. Haz will be scared out of his mind when he wakes up,” and – was that Louis?

Harry was so bloody confused. It seemed to be his regular state of mind by now.

“I get it, but Ni is going sheer crazy with guilt and he wants to see him. And so do I,” _apparently_ Liam replied.

_Apparently_ Louis sighed.

“Alright, lemme check on him-, wait his scent changed, I need to see what’s up. I’ll ca-,” but Harry didn’t hear the rest because _what the fuck?_ Were they talking about him?

_And about his scent?_

And suddenly he remembered. His stomach dropped and the omega let out a loud gasp.

_No, no, no. Not after all this time. This wasn’t true. It couldn’t be._

He needed to leave immediately. There was no way he could face Louis now. He was bloody mortified.

Harry scrambled away from the door and sprinted into the bathroom, throwing the door shut and locking it.

From outside the room he could make out a, “ _Shit_!”, that sounded like the alpha and heard the hotel room door close a moment later.

Harry pressed his back against the closed bathroom door and wished there was a possibility he could erase the past few days and go back to being ignored by the boys and management. He wasn’t ready to lose it all for good. He knew it was all too good to be true, but he never anticipated to actually have to face the love of his life and own up to his real self.

He was a second away from throwing up again.

“Hazza?”, Louis gently knocked on the door and Harry squeezed his eyes shut tightly. The omega had flashbacks to the last time they were in a situation like this but back then his secret was still that – a secret. Jesus, he was so screwed. Management would have his head as soon as they found out. If they didn’t already know because –

Harry blanched. He had a heat. For the first time in over six years. In a bloody hotel. _And Louis was there for it all._

Oh god, he could never ever look into Louis’ eyes ever again. He was so ashamed. Not even thinking of management’s wrath for the biggest of Harry’s fuck ups – no – he showed his real, weak, and fucking needy self to the man he loved for almost just as long.

Louis would never ever take him serious again. Harry teared up. He couldn’t believe he let that happen. Why did he not see the fucking signs? Why did he not read what his body was telling him for three days before he lost control? He truly was the worst omega in the world. He didn’t even _know_ when his own body fell into heat.

He was a joke to the world. The omega almost wished management would just send him off to Alaska. This way at least Louis was finally free and didn’t have to put up with Harry time and time again.

He seriously needed to leave but Louis was still _there_. _Why was he still there?_ Harry didn’t understand.

A moment later, he heard another small knock on the wood behind him. But he was shaking so hard he couldn’t answer even if he wanted to.

“H? Can you open the door, love? Please, we have to talk,” Louis spoke quietly.

_Yeah, he was going to tell him that he had to pack his bags and finally fucking go and leave the pack alone._ Harry had not only lied to them for years, no, he also dripped his disgusting heat all over the boy he loved with all his heart. He wasn’t even strong enough to keep himself together.

_Bad, bad, bad._

Fuck, the distress became worse and worse. Harry needed to be alone and take his soothers. He started shaking more and more with each passing second.

He needed to calm down and prepare for the meeting he undoubtedly had to go to as soon as Marco noticed he was out of heat and called Simon.

The youngest couldn’t even lie to himself, he was so, so scared. He pulled a lot of stupid shit in the past years and hr always got his punishment. But this time Harry really killed it all. And the only outcome he could see for himself was that he had to leave the band for good. He basically broke every single sentence in his contract.

His stomach clenched itself together so painful he had to supress a sob. He didn’t seem to be successful since he heard another whispered curse from the other side of the door before Louis addressed him again.

“Harry, darling, please come out of there. We don’t have to talk right now but please let me see you.”

“I c-can’t”

“Why can’t you, love?”, Louis asked confused, “Are you hurt?”

Harry swallowed and shook his head. Why was Louis so concerned? He shouldn’t be.

“N-no, I’m f-fine,” the omega answered. He needed the alpha to leave. He didn’t know when Simon would send his minions to get him and Harry needed Louis to be far, far away from this room.

“Can I see for myself?”, the alpha pressed on still so very gently.

_No, no, no. Harry couldn’t see Louis right now. He would definitely crumble._

Harry turned around and pressed his forehead against the cold wood.

“I really, really can’t,” he whispered back.

“Can you tell me why then?”

Harry wasn’t allowed to tell why he couldn’t. But then again, how much more could he lose? The worst thing already happened.

“It’s not allowed –“

“What isn’t?”, Louis asked confused.

“B-being with y-you,” the omega mumbled almost hoping Louis wouldn’t be able to hear it.

Of course, he did though. His alpha hearing made sure of that. And Harry wasn’t expecting the sharp intake of air he heard in response.

“Who told you that?! What the fuck?”, Louis exclaimed angrily.

Harry shrunk in on himself. His inner omega couldn’t deal with the alpha’s harsh turn of mood.

“I-I’m sorry. Please don’t be angry,” he immediately back tracked.

“Oh, sweetheart, no. This wasn’t against you. This is not your fault. None of it,” Louis immediately reassured the trembling omega. Harry wished he could believe the alpha’s words.

Unfortunately, he knew better.

“Hazza, love, please can you come out of there? I really, really want to look at you right now.”

“Why?”, the omega whispered with a tremor in his voice.

“Because it stresses me out to not _see_ you. It stresses me out not to _touch_ you right now. Not when I can smell how restless and distressed you are. Darling please, my alpha is going as crazy as your omega right now,” the alpha confessed, and Harry’s breathe caught in his throat.

How was he supposed to react to this?

His inner omega was about to explode and take over. _Your alpha is stressed and you aren’t doing anything about it! What the hell? Do something! Be good!_

The younger boy whimpered quietly; he was so torn. He wanted to hide so badly but the urge to be good for the alpha was so much bigger. But he was also so, so scared of what Cowell would do to him if he fucked up even more than he already did.

“Let me tell you the bitterness really doesn’t suit your sweet scent. You should never have that bitter tone of stress and fear shade your beautiful vanilla,” Louis softly told him.

Harry’s only answer was a louder whimper.

“I’m serious, Haz. If you come out I promise I help you take away the bad feelings. Please, sweetheart, I make it better. We’ll find a solution for all the stuff that happened” the older boy pressed on and Harry felt his resolve crumble more and more. Not that he had a strong case to begin with. But hearing Louis saying all those sweet and promising things made him want to give in so badly.

Also, he wanted to be close to the blue-eyed boy just as much. He wanted to curl up in the warmth of coffee and cinnamon and let him remove the angst and anxiety. _He needed his alpha so, so badly._

In theory he knew this was just a normal reaction to the heat he just had and apparently only ended a few hours ago. Harry obviously didn’t have one of those in quite a while but he could still remember how his body felt after. And it was normal that the omega in him craved the protection of the alpha especially if said alpha went through those days of pure hell (at least in Harry’s opinion) with him.

The younger boy really wanted to give in to his desires _and_ the alpha’s obvious wishes.

“A-are you sure?”, Harry checked, he really wasn’t ready for an immediate rejection after going against his better judgment.

“I really am, Hazza. My inner alpha would be so happy. And I would be as well, of course,” Louis explained without any doubt in his voice. His scent proved it even more. A push of determination and truth in his pheromones came through the small gap between the door and the floor tiles.

Taking in a deep breath, Harry’s resolution all but flew out of the window. He _needed_ his alpha. He _wanted_ his alpha. his

Fuck, Simon. Fuck, management. Fuck, anybody. Honestly. Only Louis mattered right now.

Without another word, Harry opened the bathroom door and pushed it open wide.

He raised his head and instantly looked in his favourite shade of icy blue. He took a deeper breath and let the cinnamon coffee invade his senses.

The omega sighed blissfully and took an unintentional step into Louis’ direction.

“That’s it, darling. Let your omega take what it wants,” the alpha said softly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And for once in his life, Harry actually listened to his omega because what it wanted was physical touch. Being close to the man he had loved for so long. And Harry knew he couldn’t resist as soon as he laid eyes on Louis.

With just one more step he was _so close_ to Louis and the alpha immediately wrapped his strong arms around the omega’s waist. And Harry. Well, Harry just sighed and literally slumped into the alpha’s body. All of the tension instantly left his body and the omega hummed contently.

“Yeah, that’s it, baby, that’s it,” Louis whispered in his ear while rubbing calming circles on Harry’s back.

Suddenly Harry felt his exhaustion coming back in full force. His body was so tired.

“Lou, ‘m still tired,” he mumbled.

“Let’s sleep first and then we can talk, yeah?”, the older boy offered. And Harry just nodded thankfully and immediately let sleep take over him.

○○○

The next time Harry woke up, he woke up to a sensation he never even dared to wish for. He woke up wrapped in Louis’ arms. Completely embraced by the alpha. With his nose pressed right into the most heavenly place on earth.

For a second he felt like he was dreaming and he wished to never wake up again if this was the case. But just a moment later, he felt Louis’ arms tighten around his waist and the alpha’s nose pressing into his hair before he whispered fondly, “Look, who’s awake again.”

“Who said I was awake?”, Harry replied, still feeling comfortably sleepy and so, so relaxed that he even let some cheek slip.

“Oi, look who’s also cheeky all of a sudden,” Louis ruffled Harry’s curls and laughed slightly.

_He made his alpha laugh. This was possibly the best thing in the world._ Harry almost started purring.

Harry dared to cuddle closer to the alpha and let out a small giggle. He knew this light happiness wouldn’t last much longer but this didn’t mean he wasn’t trying to prolong it.

Snuggling in more seemed to have been the right move because the older boy hummed happily and pulled Harry impossibly closer. So close that the omega was basically lying on top of the alpha.

“Well, well, well that’s a position we haven’t tried yet. Can’t say I dislike it,” Louis said without thinking. And Harry froze. He wasn’t ready to talk about this at all.

Harry stilled and hoped the moment would be over and Louis would change the topic. He wanted to turn away and hide himself.

“Hey,” Louis mumbled softly, “none of that. I know exactly what you’re thinking right now and I don’t want you to pull away. I know you must be so confused and overwhelmed right now but I was allowed to get the first glimpse of _you_ in the past week and I had the chance to get used to it. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I just said that but, darling, doesn’t this show you how seriously we have to talk about what happened?”

Harry whimpered quietly. “Please don’t make me – hold on a second. What do you mean in the _past week_?”, the omega interrupted himself.

“Love, your heat was over a week long,” Louis gave back unsurely, “did you really not register anything?”

Harry answered with a tiny shake of his head.

“Oh god,” he whispered with shock in his voice. He was going to be dead to management, “Please tell me you’re kidding right now.”

“Sweetheart, that’s nothing out of the ordinary, especially considering-“

“Wait! What about the shows? Oh my god, we’re supposed to be on the other side if the states already! Shit, shit, shit, this isn’t true, Louis please tell me this is just one of your jokes. This can’t be happening. No, no, no. Management is gonna kill me even-,” the omega stuttered out scared out of his mind.

Louis immediately sat up und pulled the younger boy’s body with him, so that Harry was sitting in the alpha’s lap. The older one gently put his hands on Harry’s cheeks and framed his face softly which forced the omega to look in Louis eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey, shh, don’t stress yourself, honey. I don’t want you to drop before we haven’t settled this chaos in that pretty head of yours, and I can smell that you’re not far off the edge,” Louis said calmly while sending out calming pheromones that alphas could generate when an omega in their protection was distressed.

Harry would love to know why Louis was this concerned and not like running for his life. And how the fuck was he able to _smell_ how close Harry was to dropping? This was some advanced mating stuff and Harry was pretty sure he would know if the love of his life was mated to him. Hah, as if.

“H? Don’t shut me out, please. This has gone on for far too long. You had to fight on your own for far too long. You don’t have to do that anymore.”

“But _why_?”, Harry asked insecurely.

“Why what?”

“Why do I not have to do it on my own anymore?”, the omega scrunched his nose in question.

Louis made a soft, pained noise and took one of his hands away from Harry’s face and rubbed his own face harshly. Harry instantly missed the warmth.

“Did I say something wrong?”, the green eyed boy asked worriedly. He wished he was still able to read his former best friend so effortlessly as in the beginning. Louis’ eyes found his and the other shook his head, “No, god no, babe. I am _not_ frustrated with _you_. Never you. It’s the situation I’m frustrated about.”

“But you were always a-angry with me and you didn’t want me anymore a-and you left …,” Harry said puzzled.

“And this was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever done in my life. Sweetheart, it is very important that you listen to me right now, alright? Because we have to set some things clear and I need you to tell me exactly what has been going on lately and I need to know to make it better, do you understand?”, the alpha demanded softly.

“There are so many secrets,” Harry answered hushed and embarrassed.

“But you are not the one who wanted them, do you?”

Harry shook his head. Of course, not. “No, never.”

“And who wanted them?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you, Lou.”

“Why not?”

“It’s against my contract,” the omega answered ashamed, “a-and no I actually broke it. Again.”

Louis cursed under his breathe. “What do you mean _your contract_? Do not tell me they made you sign an extra one to ours?”

Harry just shrugged. “I don’t want to drag you into all of this. It’s dangerous,” he tried so hard to get Louis off the topic. He basically dragged everything in the open with his bloody heat but as long as he didn’t tell Louis anything explicit, the other may be safe from management.

However, this seemed to be the wrong move because the next second Harry was sitting alone on the big hotel bed and Louis disappeared into the bathroom. A moment later, the alpha came back with his hands full of –

No. Please no.

\- the different coloured bottles of his medication as well as the little can with the scent neutralising spray in it. And of course, of fucking course, the small blue bottle with his suppressants.

Louis threw them on the bed and exclaimed, “This, Harry. This is dangerous! Do you even know what you’re doing to your body with these?”

“H-how do you know about this?”, the omega sat shell shocked in the middle of the huge bed feeling small and ashamed. He never wanted Louis or any of the boys to find these. But he also knew there was no chance he could lie to the older boy about what this was. He was already in too deep.

Louis sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I saw them on the counter when you got sick and I followed you in the bathroom.”

“You should’ve never seen them. Oh god, this is so bad. So, so bad. Louis, please forget about it, alright? I fucked up so bad. So bad,” Harry teared up and pulled his knees into his chest hiding his face there. Harry needed a break. Badly.

Not even a second later, he felt strong arms pulling him back in an even stronger body. Back into their position from before. Harry kind of really liked being in Louis’ lap if it wasn’t for the current situation and the things Louis wanted to know.

“Hazza, I can’t, and I won’t forget about it, and you know that. Besides everything else, I’m the pack alpha and it’s my duty to make sure all of my pack members are happy and healthy. So please, let us talk about this. I need you to tell me about this. I will beg for it and I don’t give a bloody fuck if this isn’t _alpha_. Let me help you. Let me make it right,” Louis said with desperation in his voice.

And how could Harry keep saying no? He wasn’t strong enough for this. And if he was completely honest with himself he kind of wanted to finally tell someone about it, even if he didn’t want to. His feelings were a muddled place at the moment. Sue him.

“O-okay,” Harry whispered slightly hopeful this would take away some of the pressure and the pain he was hiding in his heart for so long now.

“Thanks, darling. Right, let’s start with these. Can you tell me exactly what these are?”, Louis grabbed the four different bottles of pills and tried to read the labels, probably again, “I tried to understand the names but I don’t even know what language this is. I mean, I have a good idea of what I’m looking at right now but I need you to tell me exactly what it is.”

Harry swallowed nervously. He never had to outright say what they were because everyone in the know just gave them to him and expected him to take them and be good.

But Louis looked at him with bright eyes and a worried frown on his beautiful face, and he couldn’t let him down for the millionth time.

“Um, these are su-suppressants,” he pointed to the blue bottle, “a-and then there are my daytime soothers, my night time soothers, my painkillers and some extra scent neutralisers in c-case the spray doesn’t cut it wh-when I’m really stressed a-and could produce more pheromones. The normal neutraliser is in the spray bottle, it works like a normal deodorant, so when I’m really off or sweaty the extra pills h-help,” Harry recounted the list of medicine almost robotically safe for the little stutters that slipped in due to his shakiness.

Louis gaped at him for a second. He seemed to get himself together soon though. He shook his head and closed his eyes for a second to breathe deeply.

“Can you tell me what the other pills are for?”

Harry was confused. Louis should know what suppressants do. _Maybe he just wants it to hear from his omega, you idiot_ , his inner omega huffed. It was so done with Harry and Harry couldn’t blame it.

“Do you really need to k-know?”

“Harry…”, Louis warned with the tiniest hint of alpha that showed Harry how serious this situation was right now. So, Louis really seemed to want answers. And honestly, what did Harry had to lose? He basically fucked up his life anyway.

“S-sorry, Lou. So, uhm. The suppressants are the main medication, I guess? They basically block my, uhm, my symptoms? They make s-sure I don’t show any visible biological signs. And -,” Harry was interrupted by a pained sound out of the alpha’s mouth.

Harry looked at him worried. He dared to put his hand on one of Louis’ that was resting on Harry’s thigh while the omega was straddling the alpha’s lap.

“Are you alright, Lou?”, he asked unsurely.

Louis shook his head and chuckled tensely, “Am I alright? God, Haz, do you even know how much it _hurts_ me to hear you saying you took pills that ‘ _block your symptoms_ ’ and make sure you’re ‘ _not showing any biological signs_ ’? This is so wrong. Shit, how long has this been going on for?”

Harry just looked at him, “Since the beginning.”

Louis blanched, “What do you mean _since the beginning_? Harry, I don’t want to go all alpha on you, but you won’t leave this room without telling me the whole story. From start to finish.”

The alpha did not look like he was joking and Harry was just done and empty and so needy of someone protecting him that he finally gave in.

He gave in and told Louis every single thing that happened in the past six years and why exactly he had never been the alpha everyone on the outside expected him to be.

○○○

“… and this last meeting was the reason why I was in New York a day earlier and not some random chick that I’m apparently dating now,” Harry ended the monologue he was having for the past 30 minutes in which he laid out absolutely everything to the alpha who was now sitting across from him with their knees touching and their hands holding on to each other tightly.

They had changed positions as Harry started talking so they were able to see each other’s faces even though Harry wasn’t able to watch the alpha’s reactions at all. The angry and appalled noises he made were bad enough and Harry wanted to stop numerous times to make sure the alpha was alright. But he had promised that he would tell the whole story without letting Louis interrupt him so that the older boy would finally get the whole picture after all this time.

When Louis hadn’t said anything for five whole minutes, Harry couldn’t hold himself back any longer. He looked up into his love’s face and what he saw made him lose his breath.

Louis looked positively _livid_ yet pale and shocked. And were these tears Harry could detect in the corners of the other boy’s eyes?

“Lou?”, the younger boy hesitantly addressed the alpha, “I’m sorry, I know this was a lot and probably too much, so-sorry for loading this all on you, I promised myself I would never do that even without the contract, I never wanted to put this all on you –,” Harry tried to backtrack. At this Louis’ eyes snapped back on the green of Harry’s own and he immediately shook his head.

“No, shit. Harry, _no_. I’m so bloody glad you finally told me this. It was about bloody time. And to think that I only stumbled on this because I caught you in heat – _god_ ,” at that Harry blushed deeply, he couldn’t even imagine talking about this particular thing, “I’m not angry with you, I’m still not and I never will be again. Jesus, if I had known. Baby, you have to know that this is abuse. _Several different forms_ , from physical and emotional abuse to abuse of power in the most disgusting form, and you went through them all alone, sweetheart. I hate myself for not realising any of it for six fucking years,” the alpha raged.

Harry vigorously shook his head at that, “Stop, Lou, this is not your fault! That is exactly why I never wanted any of you to know! This is all on me. I chose to go through with it all. I agreed to it,” the omega mumbled while trying to hold back the tears of his own now.

Louis dropped his shoulders and his eyes turned inquisitive again, “Why did you even agree to it in the first place? I don’t think you mentioned that.”

_Yes, because I don’t want to make you even angrier._

“It seemed like the only way,” Harry answered vaguely.

“The only way for what?”

Harry shrugged with his shoulders. “Harry …”

“ _Fine_. It was the only reason to stay in the band and keep you safe.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”, Louis inquired darkly.

“Do I really have to go there?”

“Yes, you really have to. I need to know every single reason why exactly I’m going to rip Simon Cowell’s head off,” the alpha growled.

“Lou …,” Harry gasped.

“Harry.”

Harry sighed and closed his eyes. To tell this part of the story it was easier to not look into the ocean blue that gradually turned more stormy grey.

“Well, um, do you remember when I had that meeting with management and my mum to settle the extra stuff because I was still underage?”, Louis nodded silently.

“Turns out that was the meeting they also had me decide if I even wanted to stay in the band. They could only offer me the place if I agreed to their terms and my mum agreed to it.”

“And what were the conditions?”, Louis requested.

“Eh, when they found out Niall wasn’t the only O, they explicitly said they only planned for one omega in the band and that there wasn’t a place for more. They told me I had to step up and be a strong reliable alpha to keep the pack and the pack omega safe and that I would help you, Liam, and Zayn with the job. I was told I would be able to keep you all safe if I just took these small pills and well. My mum was over the moon that she didn’t have to worry that some creep would be turned on by my scent and when she told me she would be able to sleep better with that knowledge, I couldn’t deny it at all anymore. I j-just wanted to make you all happy and keep you safe …,” Harry explained.

Louis visibly tried to not explode right then and there. He was _so angry_ and Harry hated every second of it. He wanted, no needed, Louis to be happy and calm and soft.

“Why did you think you needed to keep us alphas and especially me, the pack alpha, safe?”, Louis asked further.

_Well, here goes nothing._ Harry laughed sadly.

“It was especially you, Lou.”

“And why is that?”

“Because they wanted you mated in the first two years of the band and I knew you didn’t want to settle so young and especially not when it wasn’t on your own terms. And you were the most important person for me right from the start and I had so much respect for you already all the way back then and I couldn’t let them play you this dirty. And hiding this small part of myself to make sure they left you alone wasn’t exactly a hard choice,” Harry admitted with a small voice. He was aware that Louis would probably already know about his feelings since he had to go through a whole ass heat with Harry, so saying it out loud shouldn’t surprise the alpha at all. Even if Harry wanted to leave this continent and maybe move to Russia.

Louis looked at him with big, disbelieving eyes and his scent changed to shocked in an instant.

“Don’t tell me this is true right now.”

Harry shrugged his shoulders again.

“ _I will kill this fucking asshole and burn down the whole of Syco_ ,” the alpha fumed.

“Lou, it’s fine. Really. I did it on my own will,” Harry tried to soothe.

“None of this is fine Harry! Fuck, you risked your life to keep a pack safe that didn’t even _see_ you for the better part of six fucking years! You risked your life for _me_ and I am the pack alpha! I’m supposed to keep you safe and protect you! Especially you!”

“Why me? There is nothing special about me. I was just not openly showing a part of myself and the medication helped? Sure, the side effects sometimes made me feel sick but everyone is sick once in a while. I just did what needed to be done as my part of the band,” Harry explained.

“Harry,” the alpha sighed, “sweetheart, can you tell me what exactly you hid from us?”

And what? Harry had just spent the last hour talking about this. Why wanted Louis to hear it again?

“Uhm, I just told you everything …, I – I don’t understand?”

“True, you just said everything out loud except for one thing. You never explicitly said _what_ you really are. And, honey, you need to say it out loud. You need this for yourself.”

And Harry really wanted to just say it right out. But he suddenly realised how hard it was. And then he realised he never actually said those words out loud to anyone but his mum. He never even said the term in front of management because ever since he presented, he always handled everything on his own and in the dark. His mum was always so worried about his status in the small community they were living in because male omegas were still not a thing that happened often. Therefore, she always kept it behind closed doors. So far, that not even his sister was allowed to know. So yeah, Harry never actually said the words out loud.

“I – I don’t know how,” he admitted with an embarrassed flush rising high on his cheeks.

Louis’ hand found its way back on one of Harry’s blushing cheeks and the omega pushed his jaw into the warm touch.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about this, baby. This is just proof of how _brainwashed_ you have been over the years. And that is exactly why we have to erase all of those lies out of your head and I promise you me and the boys will help you with all of this. You are not alone anymore and you certainly don’t have to fight these demons on your own any longer. Do you think you can say it out loud? Not for me this time, just for you. The first step is being honest with yourself and only then you can start moving away from that horrible image management planted in your head,” Louis told him quietly while taking Harry’s hands in his.

Harry appreciated the gesture more than he could ever explain.

“O-okay if you say so,” Harry answered.

“Alright, so tell me, love, what is it that you been hiding from us?”, Louis repeated his initial question.

Harry looked into Louis’ eyes which were shining kindly.

“I-I’m uhm I’m an, uh the thing I’ve been hiding,” Louis smiled at him encouragingly. Harry coughed slightly.

He took a deep breathe and finally said the words for the first time in at least six years, “I’m an omega.”

Louis’ smile grew infinitely, “Good job, baby! That’s it, I’m so proud of you.”

Harry blushed a pretty pink, “Thank you, Lou. Can I, uhm –,” his inner omega wanted closeness but he wasn’t sure how to ask for it.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“Can, can I have a hug?”, he asked sheepishly. The alpha’s smile got even bigger if that was possible. “Of course, darling, no need to ask. C’mere,” he opened his arms and Harry immediately crawled into the alpha’s body.

They settled back against the headboard of the bed and Harry rested his head on Louis’ chest. “This is so nice,” he mumbled with another blush heating his cheeks. God those omega hormones really exhaust him. He sighed quietly.

He felt Louis’ arms tighten around him, “I can happily agree on that, love. And your smell obviously does too. God, do you have any idea how incredible your smell is?”

Harry’s blush deepened.

“You, you uhm I mean you can scent me, if you want?”, he told him while pressing his own nose into the alpha’s chest.

“How could I reject such an offer,” the older man gasped faux shocked which made Harry giggle slightly. All of the tension from before seemed to leave his body and he wanted to give his omega something it really wanted. He moved around a bit to offer his neck to the other boy.

A moment later, he felt Louis’ nose press right into his scent gland and his eyes fluttered close. The sensation was just like the last time, indescribable. He sighed and his body relaxed. A soft whimper left Harry’s mouth.

“God, do you have any idea how fucking amazing you smell? Even without the added heat it’s just so gorgeous. Bloody shame they made you hide it for so long,” the alpha growled pleased and Harry’s tummy clenched hotly with a another feeling he usually never let himself feel. _Want_.

“Do-do you really like it?”

“Like it? Understatement of the century. You, my darling, are positively, _delicious._ The sweet and heavy vanilla lit up by the fresh and beautiful orange blossom? Christ, it is almost too good. You are too good,” he kept mumbling right into Harry’s most sensitive spot. The omega pushed his body closer and let out the tiniest moan. Harry froze. Fuck, his body wanted too much too soon.

However, the alpha seemed to eat his reactions up, “Yes, darling, let loose that’s beautiful. You’re beautiful,” he started to slightly lick Harry’s scent gland. And Harry. Well, Harry was about a second away from losing it.

He was just about to turn around and get his own fill of Louis’ pheromones that were steadily growing heavier with his own arousal, when suddenly the alpha’s phone started ringing loudly on the bedside table.

Louis huffed annoyed and wanted to ignore it while Harry startled out if his omega mind set and winced slightly. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop ringing. A moment after the first call ended, the ringing started back up again. And again. And again.

“Lou, I don’t think it’s gonna stop,” the omega murmured in the alpha’s chest.

The older boy grumbled before pressing a _kiss_ on Harry’s scent gland and leaning away from him to grab his phone. Harry froze again. Scenting was one thing but _kissing_ his neck? God, this was too good to be true. Harry prayed he wasn’t currently dreaming but honestly how could this be real right now? His soul was singing, and he purposefully sent out some very wanting and content pheromones. Something he hasn’t done in ever. It felt so _freeing_.

“No, Liam, I have not asked him yet, we were busy talking,” Louis’ rolled his eyes. He listened to what the other alpha was saying and he sighed, “Yes I am aware of that. But I don’t know how this will turn out. There’s a good chance, my alpha is not going to like that. … _Jesus_ , fine. I’ll ask him,” the blue eyed boy turned his head back to Harry and looked at him with soft eyes, “Hey, sweetheart? Li and Ni want to know if they could come over. Ni is dying to see you and they should really hear all of this too. Are you feeling up for it?”, Louis asked, tone completely different to his typical Louis tone he used on Liam.

Harry thought about it for a moment and he really wanted to say yes because if Louis forgave him maybe the others would too, but his inner omega was not happy with another omega close to his alpha. Even if it was _Niall_.

“I – I want to see them but, but –,” Harry tried to form his answer.

“Don’t worry honey, I feel exactly the same,” Louis soothed, “would you rather see them tomorrow or in a few days?”

“C-can we maybe nap again? I think I need more rest before I can tell it all again and if you scent me some more, I think, I will be settled enough to have someone else close?”, he put out in the space between them.

Louis nodded relieved, “Yes, that sounds like a good plan, Hazza,” he smiled softly at him and then turned back to his phone to speak to Liam, “Right, Li. His omega is also not happy with the thought of someone else in here, yeah I’m sorry, it’s just too soon after it ended. Give us the night and in the morning you’re both welcome to come over and we’ll tell you everything -,” Louis was interrupted by a yell on the other side of the line which sounded like Niall, he chuckled, “Yes, Ni, I bet he won’t say no to a cuddle, but you have to ask him. … Okay, great, yeah good night, love you two, bye,” he ended the call and chuckled again.

“Damn, they really are needy, bloody pack emotions,” Louis shook his head fondly. Harry felt his stomach clench uncomfortably, “Oh, yeah,” he agreed hollowly.

Louis pushed his phone away and moved back to Harry’s side, “What’s wrong, love?”

“Nothing.”

“Hazza, c’mon out with it,” Louis pushed and put his arm around the younger boy’s waist again.

“It’s dumb,” he mumbled. “Harry.”

“It’s just – I don’t really feel the pack emotions anymore … uhm haven’t for a while if I’m honest.”

“What do you mean you don’t feel them anymore?”, Louis rushed out appalled.

Harry shrugged and cast his glance on the duvet while picking on the hem of the shirt he was wearing. “I don’t really know, I just kind of started losing the pack touch the more you all did your own thing and it kind of came to a very, very slow drop after Zayn left. Almost like a tap that slowly comes to a stop until it runs out? I didn’t question it because my soothers cooled down your feelings too but right now I kind of realise it?”

“Oh my god, Haz,” Louis whispered visibly shocked and still incredibly pale, “this means you’ve not only been completely touch deprived for years but you also didn’t even have the security of the pack touch? Fucking hell I am going to end this asshole Cowell and every single one who had their hands in this whole thing. This is so dangerous! How in the world have you not dropped? Wait … did they force you to drop? Please don’t tell me this happened too,” the alpha blanched. Harry was worried the alpha would be sick any second.

He needed to calm him down immediately, “No, Lou, hey. That was something I could prevent. I just always took extra soothers and they had another medicine that would boost the soothing effect. To be honest I don’t know what it even is but it always helped when my levels dropped too low. Paul also got me these teas that would calm me down. And as long as I acted fine, management didn’t even care about my levels,” the omega said while putting his hand in Louis’ who was grateful for the touch.

“Oh, thank god, fuck, this would have killed me for good. I have honestly no idea how you even did this for so long, I literally feel sick thinking of it,” Louis replied and hugged Harry close again. His alpha seemed to really need him close right now. Harry was certainly not complaining.

“I actually have never ever dropped, if we’re being real right now,” Harry admitted quietly.

“You have never dropped? Hell, you keep making me feel worse and worse. These bloody pills must be so damn strong they literally put your whole system on hold. I swear to god as soon as you feel better and have recovered from the past week, I will get you to a doctor and you’ll be checked from head to toe.”

“Don’t feel bad, please. I never dropped because I never wanted to. I never trusted myself or anyone enough to do it. Until now,” Harry mumbled.

“Until now?”

“Yes.”

“You would trust me with this despite the way I treated you in the past years?”

“Of course, I would. Lou, I trust you. I always trusted you and no matter what happened I never stopped. You’re one of the most important people in my life and also my pack alpha. I know why you behaved the way you did and I never ever blamed you, or Niall, or Liam. You all thought I was an alpha and truth to be told I always sucked at being an alpha. So, you just reacted in the way every pack would,” Harry explained to his alpha.

Louis pulled Harry on top of him and kissed his cheek, “Still, we’re having a lot of apologising and making up to do and you will endure everything without complaining. And right now, I am starting by refreshing the memory of our pack. May I?”

Harry swallowed and nodded. He wanted that so _badly._ He eagerly pushed his hand into Louis’. The older man grabbed his wrist tenderly and pulled it close to his mouth. He started by nosing softly over Harry’s pulse point and the omega’s view zeroed in on his own wrist. After Louis had scented the wrist sufficiently, he opened his mouth and bit open the scar of the pack mark that has been placed on Harry’s wrist six years ago but has faded due to the lack of contact in the past months.

Harry winced at first, his inner omega confused of what was happening but soon it recognised the feeling and his eyes closed and the wince turned into a happy and overwhelmed whimper. As soon as the bite was licked clean and the bleeding stopped, Louis kissed Harry’s wrist gently for several times. Harry kept his eyes shut for a moment longer and happily sighed when he suddenly felt the golden strings that connected all pack member with each other gaining strength again. He felt Louis, Liam, and Niall back in his heart and his omega yipped in joy. The lightness and love of a pack bond was like pure drugs right into his system and he felt his touch levels rise even more than they already were from Louis’ touch and attention.

“Thank you,” he sighed airily.

“My pleasure, honey.”

“I really missed this. I feel so _complete_ ,” the omega admitted, “I’m floaty, Lou. It’s so nice. You’re so nice. I – I can’t believe I have this back,” he mumbled, his speech getting slower and slower. The influx of good hormones, love and affection let the omega literally fly.

“Can we nap and cuddle now, Lou? This would be really nice,” he dragged out.

“Yes, of course, my love, sleep tight. I’ll see you in the morning,” Harry barely registered the words but he felt Louis’ lips on his forehead before he floated away into a blissful sleep with this pack back in his heart.

○○○

When Harry opened his eyes again, it was pitch black in the airy hotel room. He tried sitting up but then he realised he wasn’t alone in the bed. No, he was held by protective arms.

It was completely dark safe for the soft moon light coming in from the opened windows. That meant it must have been the middle of the night. When did Harry fall asleep?

The omega was confused, but then the memories from the past days came back and he was flooded by the overwhelming feeling of having his family back. Even with all the underlying stress and worries, this was the outshining emotion.

But why was he awake? He suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over him and he needed to leave Louis’ arms _now._

He pushed the alpha’s arms off of his waist and tried crawling out of the bed as fast as he could. He then realised he was shaking and sweating all over? What was this?

The omega ran into the bathroom and fell down in front of the toilet. And threw up. Horribly. He emptied out everything Louis had fed him throughout the day and he couldn’t stop. He felt like was about to black out any second.

Before it actually happened, he felt Louis holding back his hair gently and the alpha sent out a cloud of calming and soothing pheromones.

“Sh, love, shh. It’s getting better soon. Let it all out. You’ll be fine, H.”

Harry whimpered pathetically. “It doesn’t feel like it. Lou, what is it?”

“I don’t know, my love. But I promise, we’ll figure it out and we’ll get you a doctor and you’ll recover from it all,” the alpha soothed him, “Do you think there is anymore coming?”

Harry shook his head, “I- I don’t think so. I feel better already. Weird,” the younger boy mumbled.

“Good, that’s good. C’mon let’s brush your teeth and lay back down. You need to rest, that’s the most important thing at the moment.”

After Louis helped Harry clean his mouth, the alpha carried Harry to the bed and they settled back under the warm and sleep soft sheets. The whole bed smelled like a mixture of the both of them and Harry sighed blissfully. They just smelled so beautifully all mixed up. Harry was in love.

“You can sleep more, Louis. You don’t have to stay awake for me.”

“Nonsense. As long as you are awake I won’t even think of sleep. I left you alone long enough,” Louis gave back and started stroking over the fresh bite mark on Harry’s wrist. The omega felt a rush of pack affection and started purring slightly.

“How are you feeling now, anyway?”

“I’m not feeling sick at the moment, but, but I’m so hot and like restless? The heat woke me up in the first place,” Harry stopped himself and opened his eyes wide, “it-it feels like when my, my heat started? Oh god, Lou, please don’t tell me it’s happening again. I don’t want the burn to come back,” Harry whispered.

Louis scented the air and also put his nose close to Harry’s neck to check out the omega’s hormone level.

“No, sweetheart, I don’t smell heat on you. Let me tell you, your heat scent was certainly different. The purest, stickiest, and sweetest caramel I have ever smelled. Bloody delicious,” the alpha purred with the memory and his own scent spiked a little before he caught himself again, “sorry, love. I could talk about this all day. But, no, it’s not another heat. There is only the slightest hint of caramel, but this is probably just the last reminder of the past week. Let me tell you, babe, this heat was _intense._ It would shock me more if you wouldn’t feel the rest of it.”

“I- I don’t actually know if I feel it … oh god, this is embarrassing, but, shit, it’s been at least seven years since I had my last real heat. My mum always gave me stuff that would keep them at bay, so my sister wouldn’t find out about the whole thing. So, I’m not sure for what exactly I’m looking right now. And then obviously I started the suppressants with 16 and they blocked them completely. You, you actually witnessed the first real one,” Harry said with a self-depreciating chuckle.

“Oh, love,” Louis gasped quietly.

“So, yeah, I have honestly no idea what happened the past week and I’m so glad you are and have been here for me, Lou,” the omega said in a small voice.

“Of course, Hazza. Believe me it was my pleasure and I am so honoured that you let me stay and let me help. I never would have dreamed of getting to have something like this with you,” Louis answered with a deep honesty colouring his scent, “I still wonder how you went into heat all of a sudden though? Like you said it was your first one in years and I never even noticed anything while we were living together.”

“I have always handled the thing with the utmost secrecy, Lou. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I knew what was at stake here, so I always made sure to take my pills-,” suddenly Harry stopped, “ _the pills_ , Lou. That must be why I fell into heat and why I still feel so strange.”

“What do you mean, honey?”, Louis asked confused.

“Well, I-uhm do you remember the day we had the writing session?”, Louis nodded in answer, “uhm and after that, I felt really good and the show was also good?”

“Yeah, the writing session was incredible and you rocked that show, I was so proud of you. But I feel absolutely horrible about that morning-,” Louis frowned.

“No, Lou. Please, can we just move past that? You apologised enough and I can only imagine what management planted in your heads and me pulling away certainly didn’t help,” Harry interrupted the alpha with a fond shake of his head. He truly meant it, he felt how sorry they were and how much love and affection were constantly swirling through the bond and that was proof enough that a lot of the past was just the result of lies and doings by management.

“Right, but I will still make it up to you for the rest of my life,” Louis grumbled quietly.

“Anyway, as I was saying, after that show you all gave me the first pack hug in months and it felt so amazing and I was literally high of the influx in touch and good pheromones so I was really floaty,” the omega continued.

“Oh my god, that’s why you literally fell asleep on me when I brought you to your room! Shit, baby, you really were so close to dropping. If I had only known …”

“This wouldn’t have happened because I was too happy to drop. But you’re right, I actually fell asleep in your arms and I was out cold. And that’s how I forgot to take my pills. For the first time in six years,” Harry explained.

“And of course, this changed your hormone level and your omega saw the chance to break free and that’s why you fell into heat immediately. And this is also the reason why you were so sick and why you’re still sick and why your heat was so strong in the first place,” Louis concluded.

_It all made so much sense._

“Oh my god. I never anticipated my body would react this violently and immediate. I tried to picture me going off the pills so often but I never thought it would send me into heat like in the same second,” Harry murmured shocked.

“Well, having an emotional alpha close to you probably didn’t help with that,” Louis added.

“Not just an alpha, my alpha,” Harry blurted out without thinking and immediately stopped in his tracks. _Oh no, he didn’t. He fucking didn’t. What he had said during his heat was not something he could have controlled but right now he was certainly not in heat and he just spilled his biggest secret._

The omega was about to scramble off the bed and also away from Louis, when the alpha pulled him back in, closer than ever and right back on his lap.

“D-do you mean this?”, the alpha said urgently while grabbing Harry’s cheeks between his hands, “please, Hazza, tell me if you’re being serious right now.”

And was this hope that was shimmering in Louis’ eyes? Oh god, Harry was about a second away from losing it.

“Hazza, baby, please, tell me if you just meant this …”

The younger boy swallowed and nodded his head slightly, “I-I’m uhm yes, I’m sorry, Lou,” he added in the smallest voice ever.

And suddenly Louis’ was tearing up with emotions and the biggest smile Harry had ever seen broke out on his face. Lit him up completely.

The older one covered his mouth with his hand and let out a single sob before he pulled Harry into his chest and hugged the taller boy tightly into his smaller body.

“Oh fuck, oh god, oh Hazza, thank you, thank you, thank you. This is all I ever wanted. You were saying this in the past week again and again but I didn’t dare to _hope_ because I know omegas in heat often don’t even realise what they are saying and _fuck_ hearing you saying this in a clear state of mind is the most beautiful thing in the world,” the alpha laughed wetly and licked over Harry’s scent gland.

The omega let out a sob of himself out at that, “Lou, Louis, are, are you saying you f-feel it too?”

Harry had never dared to even imagine this and now this was happening.

“Yes, sweetheart, of course I do. I have for years. Baby, what do you think was the reason I moved out?” Harry pulled away at that and looked at the other boy quizzically.

“Harry, I moved out because I fell more and more for you and I never thought I had a chance because I am an alpha just as I thought you were.”

Now Harry was the one who teared up. “Y-you fell for me?”, he mumbled.

“How could I _not_? From the very first second you were the centre of my attention. Right from the start I knew I would end up falling for you and I could never deal with the thought of you not wanting me, that was one of the biggest reasons why I put distance between us. Leaving you alone hurt like hell but it did not even came close to how much the thought of you rejecting me pained me. That’s why it felt like the fucking jackpot when you asked me to help you because I have dreamed of being close to you for more than half a decade now,” Louis spoke with a slight tremble in his voice.

Harry felt like he again entered another universe. This was too good to be true.

“Oh my god, Lou. I- I feel the same I have from the start. I a-always saw you as my alpha even though I knew I would never get to have you. You are far too good for me in every single sense,” Harry responded.

“This is such a load of bullshit. Baby, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. And I will forever be fucking thankful that you forgot this stupid pill. I almost lost hope but now everything has changed.”

“Lou?”

“Yes, my darling?”

“Can you scent me again, alpha?”, Harry addressed Louis with the title for the first time in a clear mind and the responding growl and influx of pheromones was almost overwhelming.

Without a verbal answer, the alpha put his nose back on Harry’s scent gland and scented him in a way he hadn’t done so far. Louis literally drowned Harry in his own scent and soon enough Harry could feel himself relax completely in a cloud of cinnamon and coffee.

“God, you smell divine, my love. I am so honoured to be allowed to do that,” the alpha growled and started placing soft kisses on the omega’s neck.

“Y-your smell is my favourite t-thing,” Harry admitted and starting pawing all over Louis’ back and stomach.

When the air became almost too heavy to breathe, Louis returned from Harry’s neck and looked the omega in his eyes.

“You are my everything, Harry. I knew it all along and finally fate let us have it. I know this is very fast and I know we need to settle a lot more than just your first heat. But I never want to let you go. Now that I had you, I won’t be able to let you go again. What I’m trying to ask here is, Harry, do you want to be my omega?”, the alpha asked with a tremor in his voice, actually sounding nervous and anxious for the first time since Harry got to know him.

“This has been all I wanted for six years now. How in the world do you think I would say no, Lou. I loved you for as long as I can remember,” Harry replied.

Louis breathed in heavily.

“I love you too, Haz. I love you so much, baby.”

This time Harry was the one who pressed his nose into _his alpha’s_ neck and licked the scent gland gently. The alpha hummed blissfully and the scent of arousal started to thicken the air.

“Love your smell so much. My favourite thing in the whole world. All mine,” the omega whispered and pressed heavy kisses on Louis’ neck.

“Haz, darling, come up here please and let me kiss you,” Louis said, breathe laboured and the wave of coffee getting stronger and stronger.

Harry lifted his head and looked in the older boy’s hooded eyes, a blush rising high on his cheeks. “Yes, yes, please,” he panted slightly.

And with that he finally felt Louis, his alpha’s, small, soft lips on his own in a soft and gentle peck. The kiss started out sweet and loving and literally all Harry had ever envisioned. He pushed closer on Louis’ lap and Louis let out an appreciative growl. And Harry’s answering whimper, changed the tone soon after.

Suddenly, there where feverish touches, wandering hands, moans and whimpers and heavy, heated kisses between the alpha and the omega.

And Harry couldn’t get enough. It was all he ever dreamed of and so much more. His inner omega was singing and he had never smelled so much of his own vanilla permeating the room.

When they broke apart for the first time, to catch their breath, Louis didn’t waste any time and pressed his nose back into Harry’s neck, breathing him in deeply.

“So, so good, Haz. Fuck. Your smell. All mine, no one else gets to have this,” the alpha moaned and the heavy scent of cinnamon settled over Harry’s vanilla and turned the air incredibly sweet and hot.

“All yours, of course, alpha, always,” the omega whimpered and rutted against the growing bulge in Louis’ boxer shorts. His own pink velvet sleep shorts were slowly getting wet as well and the sweet scent of caramel was added to the intoxicating mix.

“Lou, I-,”

“What do you want, baby? Tell me,” Louis panted and rutted his hips up against the swell of Harry’s small bum.

“You. Need _you_ , want to feel you. Have you, alpha please,” Harry breathed.

“You have me, baby. Of course, you do.” Louis started to pull off Harry’s sleep shirt and put his mouth on Harry’s perked nipples, licked and bit them gently.

Harry moaned loudly. The sensation was overwhelming and he never wanted to stop the feeling. No, he wanted more. He was so _wet._

“Darling, oh look how wet you are. All for me, yeah? Bloody gorgeous, my little rose,” Louis growled and Harry could feel how the other boy’s alpha was taking over, ready to take his omega and Harry was so ready.

“Alpha, need you. Want to feel you without the heat, p-please please,” Harry whimpered.

And Louis didn’t waste any more time. With a fast but gentle move, he turned them over so that Harry was now lying on the soft sheets with the alpha hovering over him, caging him in with his arms. Protecting him. Keeping him safe from any possible harm. Harry sighed in absolute bliss.

“Can I take these off?”, Louis asked with his hands on Harry’s hips, ready to free the omega from the last piece of clothing.

Harry nodded frantically, “Yes, please, Lou. So wet, all for you. I’m all yours.”

“That’s right, all mine,” the alpha answered while pulling off the soaked material. In another fast movement he got rid of his own boxers, so both of them were able to see the other in their purest form.

“So gorgeous, my love, look at you. All soft and pretty for your alpha, huh?”, Harry mewled happily and wiggled on top of the sheets.

“Kiss me, Lou. I want a kiss,” he demanded and Louis chuckled fondly.

“Everything for you, little rose,” he gave back and gently lowered his body on top of Harry’s lankier one. Pressing their lips together, Harry rutted his hips up, aligning their cocks perfectly and giving both of them the first real touch they were both able to memorise outside of the heat daze. Harry moaned into Louis’ mouth and the alpha didn’t miss the opportunity to push his tongue into the omega’s hot mouth.

God, this was fucking ecstasy and Harry never wanted to come down.

Both of their cocks were heavy and so hard. And Harry needed more.

“L-lou,” he moaned into Louis’ mouth, “n-need more. Alpha, need you.”

And Louis’ alpha jumped into action immediately. “What do you want?”

“W-want your knot, love you, please,” the omega slowly babbled.

“Your wish is my command,” Louis gave back and moved down Harry’s body until his mouth was close to the omega’s most sacred place.

“Pull your legs in, sweetheart, show me your pretty little hole.”

Harry did what he was told and presented Louis with the sight of his dripping hole. A new, stronger wave of caramel hit the air and Louis moaned loudly.

“Can I taste you, baby?”, he asked desperately. Harry’s mewl was answer enough.

When the omega felt the first touch of Louis’ tongue, he absolutely lost it. He had never in his whole damn life felt something like this. It was heaven and hell at the same time. He wanted Louis closer but also needed so much more.

The omega trashed wildly on the bed and the moans that were spilling out of his mouth grew steadily louder.

“Yes baby, let the world hear you. Such pretty sounds, so gorgeous, all for me,” Louis panted close to Harry’s hole.

“Lou, need more. Need your knot,” Harry repeated and made sure to sent more caramel in the air. Louis growled and started licking the omega’s hole with more vigour. His hand soon found Harry’s dick and started stroking the omega gently.

Harry all but screamed at the added sensation and he was literally a second away from dropping.

“Lou, do-don’t let me drop y-yet, want to feel you first.”

Louis immediately let got off Harry’s hard cock and Harry grabbed the alpha’s hand, “Please, Lou, need you so much.”

“Yes, my darling, soon I promise. Just have to make sure you’re ready for me,” and with that Louis pushed two of his fingers into the wet and all-encompassing heat of Harry’s hole.

Harry felt all of this for the first time, not able to remember anything from his heat, and it was all too much but still so good. He never wanted to leave this bed. It was all he ever wanted and Louis was there to give him his all.

The fingers felt bloody amazing and the omega didn’t know how much better it could get but he looked at Louis and when his eyes travelled down to the alpha’s cock his breath hitched instantly. Louis was _huge_ even without a knot and it was all for Harry. Another loud moan escaped the omega’s puffy lips.

“Fuck, Lou, so good, thank you thank you thank you, want you, I’m ready,” the overwhelmed omega babbled wildly.

“Yes, you’re ready for my, sweetness?”, the alpha checked while pushing the now four fingers into Harry’s heat for the last time to feel for himself, “Yes, baby, that’s it,” he pulled his fingers out.

Harry instantly felt empty and he decided on the sport that he hated the feeling, “Lou, feel so empty, need my alpha,” his inner omega pushed forward more and more, not long and Harry would have to give in. Dropping. Fuck he wasn’t ready.

And suddenly Louis’ face was back hovering over his and the alpha’s hand was caressing his neck, “Hey, hey, baby, look at me. You have to calm down for me, or you’re going to drop. Are you ready to drop?”

Harry shook his head. No.

“N-no. Want to stay up with you. Want to memorise everything. Want to remember,” the omega admitted, and added even quieter, “not ready, yet, I’m sorry, Lou.” The omega blushed ashamed. _What if he made Louis angry now. Did Lou think I don’t trust him._

“No, god, of course I don’t think that, Hazza,” and oops, Harry must have said that out loud, “Baby, I can feel that you trust me even if we are not mated yet, I can feel it through our pack bond and I would never ever hold this against you anyway. Dropping is a scary thing and you have been told half your life that it is something weak and dirty and I would never ever force you into anything you don’t want. That’s why I slowed you down just now. You were on the edge so fast. Your inner omega wants the feeling of the drop especially since its alpha is close but I can feel you’re not ready and that is more than fine,” the alpha soothed Harry and started licking his scent gland again. This started to become Harry’s favourite thing. He couldn’t wait until there would be a bond mark right beneath that would protect his scent and the omega for the rest of his life.

“Thank you, Lou, you’re everything good and I love you with all I have,” Harry just gave back, omega immediately calmed down and feeling safer than ever, “You really are my home. I never felt this protected, so th-thank you.”

Louis pecked him gently and smiled into the kiss, “Of course, my love. Protecting and loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done and is all I ever wanted. Thank you for trusting me with your heart and your body.”

Another kiss was pressed into the younger boy’s lips and he the kiss turned more and more heated again.

Harry still wanted Louis. He needed to feel him without his heat clouding his memory to a point where he forgot everything.

He slowly started jutting up his hips again and their cocks peaked in interest just a moment later.

“Lou? Please, still want it. Want you,” Harry said between kisses and Louis nodded happily.

“Of course, sweetness.”

The alpha pulled away from Harry’s puffy red lips and kneeled back between the V of Harry’s legs. He put two of his fingers back into Harry’s hole to make sure he really was ready. And Harry sighed content at the feeling of having something filling his up.

A few minutes the later, the air was thick with lust and arousal again and forgotten was the interruption from earlier.

Harry was wriggling around, kicking his legs out again and again with his hands pulling his sweaty curls, making them even wilder than they were from his sleep.

God, he was so hot and so wet and so ready. Louis was still fingering him, having added his tongue one more time, muttering again and again how he couldn’t get enough of his boy’s taste. And Harry was fluttered, he really was but he needed Louis’ knot like yesterday.

“Lou, I’m ready. Gimme your cock, need you Alpha,” and at that Louis stopped and lifted his head to look into his omega’s eyes.

He looked as he was deep in trance and Harry mewled proudly; he did that.

“Yes, baby, of course. I’ll give you my knot,” he answered and sat back up again.

With another quick kiss, Louis shuffled forward until he was pressed up between Harry’s hips.

“How do you want it, my love?” the alpha panted.

“Just like this, want to see you,” Harry whispered now full of nerves. It was the first time he would actually be present enough to feel Louis and his cock. It was like his first time. And he was ready, so ready, but also scared.

“I’ll be gentle, baby, I promise,” Louis immediately soothed his frenzied thoughts. He truly was his alpha. Knowing Harry from the inside and out.

“I trust you, Lou, you can start.”

And with another loving look, Louis started pushing his cock into Harry’s wet heat.

He was so, so gently and slow and Harry was overwhelmed with love and the feeling of being protected and doted on.

His walls easily let Louis enter and soon enough the alpha was fully inside of Harry. And it was safe to say, Harry had never felt anything like this.

For the first time in his life, he felt whole and _complete_. He felt adored and loved and cherished. Not only by the feel of Louis’ inside of him but also by the look the alpha gave him, the smell of love and sex in the air and the soft way the alpha was touching his face, waiting for Harry to give him the go to move. Everything was sweet and slow and gentle, and it was everything Harry ever wanted.

“You can move, Lou, I’m good,” Harry sighed blissfully which quickly turned into a high pitched moan when the alpha started pulling out and pushing back in.

They slowly built up a rhythm and Harry was in fucking heaven.

“So good, baby, so bloody good. Even better know that you’re right here with me. Smell so good, look so pretty, feel so amazing, my gorgeous, gorgeous boy,” Louis panted and squeezed his eyes shut. Harry just whimpered louder. Everything felt like rose gold love and white hot blinding heat and he never wanted the feeling to stop.

“So- ah. So, good Lou, thank you for giving me your cock, so hot, so big, so beautiful. Thank you, I love you. Fill me up so good, yes, yes, yes,” Harry babbled without realising any of it. His inner omega was about to explode and he felt high on love and pheromones it was the bloody best feeling the omega had ever felt.

“Everything for you, my omega.”

“More, Lou. Need more. Fill me up. Want your knot,” the omega panted and he felt himself rushing closer and closer to his climax.

“Faster, Lou. So, close. I’m coming. Want to come.”

Louis thrusted faster and faster until he was pushing Harry more and more into the mattress. The alpha smelled heavenly and Harry could feel the knot slowly growing at the base of Louis’ cock. They would be tied together so soon and Harry mewled again, so ready to share the most intimate thing in the world with the man he loved more than anything else in the world.

“Come, whenever you want, baby, you’re doing so well. Such a good boy for me. Your alpha is so happy, love you so much,” Louis moaned and pushed out the words with heavy breaths.

“Touch, me alpha, please,” Harry puffed out. He immediately felt Louis’ small hand wrap around his angry red, hard cock. The cool touch of the alpha’s hand felt like fucking gold on his overheated dick and he moaned in bliss.

And suddenly, Louis thrusted harder than ever before and squeezed the head of Harry’s swollen cock just right and the omega was done for.

A loud scream broke out of his mouth and he was coming harder than he ever thought he could. Long, white strings covering his tummy and he felt himself getting floaty again.

Just a moment later, he felt another sensation, he never thought he would. Louis was coming and his knot was swelling at the same time, locking him and Harry together, praise and moans spilling out of the alpha’s red mouth. Harry had never felt such bliss in his life.

“Fuck, shit, so good, my love, so, so good. Can’t believe it was even better than the last time. So beautiful, Christ. I’m in heaven,” the alpha panted and started gently caressing Harry’s whole body.

Harry couldn’t agree more.

“Thank you, Lou. This was everything I ever dreamed of,” the omega mumbled with a strawberry pink blush and the alpha cooed fondly.

“Oh, my love, thank _you_ for letting me have you. You’re brilliant. So, so perfect and I get to call you mine. This is the most special and amazing thing I have ever gotten. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” the alpha spoke softly while rearranging their bodies, so they were lying on their sides facing each other, their legs intertwined and still connected by Louis’ knot.

Harry felt so loved, he wanted to cry. God, he never thought this was possible.

“I love you,” he whispered voice cracking full of emotion.

“I love you too, baby, so much,” the alpha answered and a new wave of warm cinnamon encompassed the younger omega. He sighed blissfully and closed his eyes.

Immediately Louis started grooming the omega just like Harry heard in so many stories. The alpha taking care of the omega, of course always, but the time after sex, while they were knotted was special and sacred and alphas showed their love and affection even more then. Grooming was soft licks and small kisses, tender touches and if a mating mark was already there, special attention for the bond. Harry never dared to even dream of something like this happening to him and he was so full of emotion and overwhelmed with love, he could probably light up the whole of New York, if the city were to fall dark right now.

He started purring softly and mewled slightly to show his alpha how much he was enjoying this but he also felt the exhaustion and sleep slowly crawl into his body after it was so lit up by the force of arousal and heat.

Louis chuckled softly, immediately being able to feel how tired Harry was now, “Sleep, my love. The knot will take some time to go down, during your heat we were locked up for two hours at times. My alpha just can’t get enough of you. But you must be tired, so let go. Go to sleep, I make sure nothing happens to you and we can talk more in the morning, alright?”

Harry just nodded, sleep sounded amazing and even better with the knowledge of Louis being right next to him. “Love you, Lou,” he mumbled while cuddling closer to Louis’ neck and the place where the scent of coffee and cinnamon, the scent of warmth and home was strongest.

“Love you too, beautiful. Sweetest dreams,” was the last thing Harry heard before sleep pulled him away into the world of dreams, which now seemed to be his reality.

○○○

Harry had never slept better in his life. That was a fact. The omega was full of love and adoration for one certain, smaller, blue-eyed, fierce, and loving alpha which Harry was now allowed to call _his_.

If you asked Harry, he would tell you that the night was one of the bests if not the best he ever had and he would forever keep it in his memory, his heart, and his soul. (He was currently very mushy and full of emotion, sue him for being a bit cliché.)

However, if he thought about the morning after his first time with his alpha, he wouldn’t have described it the way it actually happened. Not that Harry was bitter, he was just not too pleased.

Instead of being woken up by soft kisses and the possibility of making his alpha come with his mouth, the couple was startled awake by a stream of loud and insistent knocking.

_Which just didn’t stop._

Harry felt Louis jerk awake just a moment after he did himself and the alpha immediately growled lowly in his chest. Typical alpha reaction of not being prepared for intrusion so soon after the ‘mating’. (If Harry weren’t so tired and startled himself, he would start giggling over the typical alpha behaviour Louis was showing right now.)

However, he was tired and just startled out of a sleep, he hadn’t even really felt slipping into, so he wanted the intrusion gone too. He snuggled closer into his alpha’s neck and tried to fall back to sleep with the help of some soothing cinnamon but unfortunately, his wish didn’t come true.

The knocking just didn’t stop.

“Lou, make it stop,” Harry whined, hoping his alpha could will them away without having to leave the warmth of their embrace. Harry was always cold especially now after he had the heat of his alpha for days on no end.

Louis’ growl only grew louder, “Go the fuck away! I don’t care who the fuck this is, we’re sleeping!”, he called, voice raspy and cracking in the most enticing way. Harry’s stomach clenched in want.

“We brought breakfast, you have to let us in,” a voice that sounded like Liam called back.

But before their best friend could say more, another louder and decidedly more stressed and _Irish_ voice interrupted the alpha, “You bloody idiots, you have to let us in! You promised to call and you didn’t! Do you know how stressed I am?? I have a fucking pimple on my chin! I never get pimples! You ruined my skin with the stress you put me through the past week!”, Niall yelled while started knocking again.

Harry giggled, that was such typically omega and he couldn’t believe they pulled that out of Niall. Niall was probably the least omega-y omega, Harry had ever met and when this side of him came out you just _knew_ it was time to tend to him. Louis was also aware of that and he sighed defeated.

Outside they could hear Liam trying to calm down his omega, but to no avail.

“Babe, we talked about that-,”

“NO! You talked about that, _I_ was ready to break down their door three days ago, but you held me back! I fucking deserve to see my best friend right now!”, the angry omega argued. And with that the knocking started again.

Harry looked at the door disbelievingly. Niall made such a fuss just to see him? The overwhelming love started to rush through his veins again and lit up not only his heart but also the pack mark on his wrist.

“I can fucking feel that you are awake you dumb nuts! You can’t fool me, that pack mark has been going crazy for days now, so don’t even try this with me right now!”, Niall growled.

Louis just sighed in defeat and started to untangle himself from Harry’s koala grip.

“He’s not going away, is he?”, Harry mumbled with a yawn.

“It’s Niall, of course he isn’t,” his alpha grumbled while getting up from the bed and looking for his boxers.

When he had pulled them on, he walked over to the door and opened it slightly to make sure his omega was shielded from sight. (Harry wanted to giggle again. Alpha Louis was so hot but also so funny.)

However, Louis’ plan didn’t work out because a second later, the alpha stumbled back with the force of the door being pushed open and suddenly Niall and Liam were standing right in their room, both with matching nervous and stressed looks on their faces.

“What the fuck, Niall!-,” Louis started to yell but he was interrupted by the loud cackle from Niall and Liam’s matching gasp.

“Oh fuck me! Do you smell that, Li? Hahaha, it smells like-,”

Louis’ warning growl stopped Niall from ending his sentence, “Do not even go there.”

By now Harry tried really hard to supress his giggles but he knew he needed to calm down his alpha or anything could happen with Louis’ heated alpha and heightened emotions.

“Lou, c’mon it’s just Niall. Nothing is gonna happen,” the omega said softly, “and besides, I can only imagine how much it must _smell_ in here after the past week,” he said trying to keep down the laughter that was about to bubble up.

Niall opened his mouth to say something, but this time Liam stepped up and put his hand on Niall’s neck effectively shutting him up.

“Niall, if you want to talk to Harry, you probably shouldn’t piss off his alpha,” Liam said with a chuckle in his voice.

Harry immediately blushed a deep pink. Hearing someone else say those words made him realise what had actually happened in the past few days.

A dreamy sigh bubbled out of his mouth and he tried to cover it up with a cough, but to no avail. All three of his pack members had heard him clearly and Niall immediately started to cackle again.

“Fuck off, how bloody cute are you? God, I’m already in love with omega Harry!”, the older omega exclaimed.

Louis just shot him a look and wandered back over to the bed, “Careful, Horan,” while he started to play with Harry’s hair and addressed him, voice immediately soft and gentle, “shh Haz, don’t be embarrassed. Remember, we talked about this. It’s going to take some time for you to get around your feelings and be able to control your omega again. And as long as this is happening, you don’t have to be ashamed of any of this, alright?”, his alpha told him.

“It’s just us, Haz. You never have to be embarrassed with us,” Liam added softly, still standing a safe distance away to not distress Louis’ alpha more. His peppermint scent was already a lot and Harry could feel how on edge Louis was. No matter how incredibly stupid and unfounded his distress was. But that was just biology, Harry mused. Another thing he had to re-learn. Thankfully, his own omega seemed to be fine with Niall because he really wasn’t ready to deal with this side of his biology when he had to keep his alpha in check.

“Also talking, yes great, idea, exactly why we came here! We brought coffee and croissants as well as doughnuts and we want answers in exchange!”, Niall sat while plopping down on one of the sofas that were opposite of the bed.

“Can I at least take a shower first?”, Harry asked the others. He needed to sort his thoughts and feelings first and he hasn’t been alone in over a week now. Having the others’ company was fucking incredible but Harry needed five minutes to sort himself out and get ready for another long conversation and probably a lot of emotions, pain, and tears. It was the same with Louis and it would be the same with his boys.

“Yes, of course darling,” Louis answered with a soft smile. Harry subtly scented the air and he could smell that Louis had calmed down and was apparently back to be his normal gentle and happy self. Good, one thing less, Harry had to worry about.

He wanted to get up, when he suddenly realised he too was stark naked under the covers. He blushed a deep pink again, “Uhm, Lou -,” he started but his alpha knew immediately what was going on.   
“Lemme get you a bathrobe, honey,” he said before walking into the bathroom and reappearing a moment later with one of the fluffy white ones the hotel provided.

After Louis helped him put it on and made sure the other two wouldn’t see anything of his boy (no matter how often they all had seen each other naked over the years), he pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s cheek and lead him over to the bathroom.

“Take your time, sweets. We’ll be out here,” he said with a smile and Harry nodded in thanks.

When the door was closed behind him, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second. Before he could even think of freaking out again though, he felt a rush of love and strength and care flooding his pack mark.

His boys truly knew him, even if he had lied to them for so long. He was so grateful for them and he knew he owed the completely truth to Liam and Niall just as much as Louis deserved to know everything.

And Harry was ready. He was ready to bring light into the dark and offer every single truth to his pack and let them see him for the first time as his true self. Weirdly enough, Harry wasn’t even scared they wouldn’t accept him because ultimately the pack alpha accepted him and not only as a pack member but also as his omega and in every normal pack this was like the position of honour. Of course, they weren’t living in the middle ages anymore and their pack was nowhere normal (especially since they still tried to deal with the break of one of their bonds when Zayn left and their constant attention from the public) but it still calmed him down to know that Louis had already accepted him and even admitted to loving him.

This knowledge gave him the push to open his eyes again and send back three different thank you’s to his boys.

He walked over to the mirror and looked at himself for possibly the first time in days. Harry had kind of lost the concept of time, to wrapped up in Louis.

He looked like a mess. But a very glowing and very happy looking mess. His hair was a disaster and he looked tired but his skin also glowed (like all omegas, especially after heat did) and his cheeks were softly shimmering with a light blush. He smiled at himself. He already looked more omega than he probably ever did. He couldn’t wait to lose some of the muscle the pills gave him and get back some of his soft spots and the hip chub. For some reason, he was certain Louis would love to have something to hold on to while he was fucking him. Harry giggled to himself, yes that sounded amazing.

Harry shook his head he couldn’t think more about this or the morning would not end in a conversation with the boys but between the sheets. Not that he would complain but he also knew he needed to get this over with.

After that, the omega made quick work of cleaning himself and getting ready. When he looked for something to wear, he happily spotted one of Louis’ worn shirts and some joggers hanging on the hook behind the door.

He grabbed both items and immediately put them on, purring in bliss of having a wave of Louis’ scent surrounding him a moment later. Harry put his damp hair in a bun and left the bathroom.

When the omega was back in the main room, he saw that Louis had also dressed himself and the others must have opened all the windows because a fresh and lovely draught was in the room and beautiful morning sun light bathed everything in pretty light.

The other boys were all sitting on the sofas now and Harry joined them with a shy smile. Louis patted the space next to him and Harry did not waste any time and immediately curled up next to his alpha and snuggled close into him. His alpha put a secure arm around his waist which Harry happily accepted.

Suddenly his nerves resurfaced and he didn’t know how to breach the silence that has settled over them. Thankfully, his alpha knew this.

“Hazza, how about you just tell them the same thing you told me? From start to finish, so they will understand what has been going on for all those years?”, Louis encouraged gently.

Harry looked from Louis’ gently blue eyes to the other two and was met with the same gentle and loving look, which settled him more than he could ever explain.

He cleared his voice, “O-okay, but it’s going to be long and very tricky and a lot of the stuff I still don’t understand myself, if I’m honest,” he explained.

Niall and Liam exchanged a look with Louis before settling their attention back on the omega.

“Haz, we’re aware this is going to take a while and we’re ready to listen. We’re so glad we finally found out about what was going on but we need to you explain to us everything so we can help and make it better,” Liam said softly with a small smile. Niall nodded in agreement.

Harry looked at them with hope flooding his eyes, “You will help me too?”

Niall grabbed his hand softly, “Of course, babe! I told you only a few days ago we were always here for you and now more than ever!”

Louis squeezed his waist and Harry knew he could share everything now. It would help him get better and find a way out of the mess that had been his life for the past six years.

He took a deep breath and started narrating his whole story for the second time in just a week.

○○○

“…and then I was so happy and overwhelmed by the pack hormones that I forgot to take my suppressant and well … then New York happened and here we are,” Harry ended his story with a shaking voice and tears steadily streaming down his face. Thinking about all these things that happened to him and actually voicing them out loud was not even the tiniest bit easier the second time around. Quite the opposite actually, this time he wasn’t fresh out of heat and didn’t have that protective fuzziness in his brain that shielded him from really feeling. And on top of that also came the three other strings of emotion he was flooded with through the mark on his wrist. So, long story short, it was a lot if not almost too much. And now Harry didn’t know what to say. Because no one actually did.

_Why was no one saying anything?_

Harry should probably look at his best friends to see their reaction, because somewhere around the time where he was at the point of Zayn leaving and management using him as the scapegoat, he needed the comfort of Louis’ scent and hid his face in the alpha’s warm neck.

When he couldn’t stand the silence anymore, Harry lifted his head and looked over to the other sofa and what he saw made his breath stock.

Both of his best friends were _crying_. Niall, who was always happy and bubbly and literal sunshine in person, was crying with his hand over his mouth to keep in the sobs, and even Liam, a bloody _alpha_ was red-eyed and sniffling with a sickly grey tone to his face colour.

“Oh my god,” Niall blubbered wetly, “fucking hell, this can’t be real, no no no they didn’t do that to you!”

“Well, they did,” Harry answered with a sad shrug. He still couldn’t comprehend it himself, so he wasn’t surprised Niall wasn’t either.

“Oh my god, Hazza,” the other omega repeated before jumping off the sofa and literally flinging himself on Harry. The younger boy squeaked in surprise but welcomed the embrace without a word. He would never ever reject a touch from his pack.

Niall hugged him tightly and sent out a wave of love and comfort which Harry took in happily.

Suddenly Niall jerked back and grabbed Harry’s face, “Wait, when we talked before the writing session in Boston and I asked you what was wrong and _I literally fucking said you would be a much better omega I was actually right_?! What the bloody fuck? Oh my god, I can’t believe this!”

Harry nodded sadly, “Yeah, it was so hard to hold back then. I was honestly this close to just tell you because you were already saying it without actually knowing. If Lou and Li hadn’t come in at that moment, I probably wouldn’t have been able to stop myself,” he admitted.

“Why did you stop yourself. You could have trusted us,” Niall said with a sad frown.

“My whole contract is based on me never ever letting you know,” Harry shrugged, “in the beginning they caught me with the promise of keeping you all safe and this was always my main priority and when I was _sixteen_ I wasn’t aware of what this contract actually entailed.”

“I’m going to bloody kill Cowell,” Liam exclaimed with angry push of his scent.

“Right there with you, Payno,” Louis agreed with the other alpha, “I’m glad you know now too, so we can start working on how to get Harry out of that contract and then end this bloody asshole plus his whole firm,” Louis fumed.

“Definitely. You’re not alone anymore, H. We’re here now and we’re handling this. You have been fighting on your own for far too long and it is about time that we help you,” Liam said seriously.

And that was what finally set off Harry’s tears. Knowing that he had his family back, people who fought for him was the most overwhelming and incredible feeling in the world and he was so thankful for these boys.

Niall, who was closest to Harry, felt his tears and looked at him in worry, “Hazza, what’s wrong, darling? Hey, shh shh.”

A second later, Liam and Louis were crowding around the two omegas and also tried to touch the sobbing omega. All of them exchanged worried and confused glances because they didn’t know what had set the youngest off so badly all of a sudden.

“I- I’m sorry, I’m j-just so thankful to have you. I- I never even dared to dream of being able to tell you, b-but now you want to help me a-and you t-take care of me. I never l-let myself hope to have m-my pack back or get t-to have Lou and n-now it’s happening and I-I’m so overwhelmed w-with happiness and l-love and I have never b-been so happy,” the omega struggled through his explanation while trying to still his sobs.

At this, all three of his pack members cooed at him with fond and decided without words that a pack cuddle was in order. They regrouped around the youngest one and put him right in the middle where everyone was able to hold Harry and sent extra loads of love and affection through actual touches.

All three of them voiced their ‘I love you’s’ which made Harry’s face erupt into a brilliant smile despite the tears that were still glittering on his cheeks.

“I- I love you too, especially you Lou,” Harry said when he was able to talk again.

Louis answered with a beautiful smile on his own and pressed a loving kiss on his omega’s cheeks, “Always,” he just responded and Harry knew Louis was completely honest.

Without another word all four boys cuddled closer to each other. There would be enough time for more talking and planning later. Right now, all of them needed to strengthen their pack bond and calm each other down, and what was better for this than a lengthy and thorough pack cuddle and some scenting here and there?

Harry closed his eyes in bliss and thanked his past self for forgetting to take this damn pill.

Sometimes fucking up lead to happiness and love and the omega would fuck up again and again if it meant he got not only his pack back but also _finally_ the love of his life right there in his arms.

After six years of being alone and alpha, he was finally free, in love and _omega_. And that was the best feeling in the entire world. Harry wouldn’t trade it for anything else, that he was sure of.

_The End._


End file.
